self-care for women – Page 2

what i tell myself

no fluff to start this blog, because it’s worth just jumping in. there’s no way to count the number of false things i’ve told myself in this life — stories, lies, opinions… way too many. and that’s not the punchline. that’s not the worst part. the worst part is when i believe them. and that i’m not alone.

it’s been so heavy on my heart this week the absolute number of people that are in this boat. truth is it’s not one that’s floating. it’s a sinking ship. one that we’re apparently willing to drown on. you need to get off the boat. you need to take a leap and get off of the ride. get. off. the. ride.

how many times are we going to wake up and say “man, i wish this looked different,” or, “wouldn’t it be nice if…” but do nothing about it? make absolutely zero effort to walk in that direction. we live in a wild world, but we still don’t live in a world generous enough to just give that vision to us without movement on our part. no matter how crazy it gets out there, i doubt it’ll ever be that philanthropic.

my heart breaks for every single person that wants different, can see different, and chooses a comfortable misery instead of putting forth a 1% better effort to improve their situation. i think you’re making it harder than it is. i think you think you have to have it perfectly figured out. let me be the one that takes your hand and assures you that you’re sorely mistaken. there’s no demand of perfection, you just have to give, try, believe, and let the discouraging thoughts rattling around in your head take a long walk off a short pier. success isn’t the person who gets it all right on the first try. it’s the person that gets it wrong three or four times, then gets it right, and learns a few good lessons along the way. be willing to be wrong. be willing to screw it up.

every day, there are probably thousands of people looking for ways to change their lives… and too many of them see a possibility and write it off immediately for lack of self belief or faith that there’s any reason any of that would ever come true. maybe i’m making this up, and maybe you actually know the reason, so what is it?

let me tell you about lack of self-belief. lack of self-belief is a girl who at the age of seven was abused by her mother. and that’s just the earliest memories. maybe it was earlier. the divorce happened when she was five. her dad started to see the abuse so he started fighting for custody. you would think that battle would have been kind of cut and dry. it’s a pretty simple story when alcohol is involved. but it wasn’t. not at all. the custody battle went on for five years. five long years. multiple attempts. multiple failures. multiple reasons to believe that maybe this is just “how it is” and reasons to give up completely. but the verdict was finally turned.

lack of self-belief is being kicked out of your house by a mother who’s “done fighting” for you, won’t get sober, and thinks the answer is abandoning ship instead of getting clean. lack of self-belief is believing every single story that a teenager creates about herself in the aftermath of this kind of disaster… who’s even considered ending life altogether… and is somehow still here, for some reason.

you see… i am you. i was you. i’ve wanted to quit more times than i can count. but it’s just ultimately not the answer. it’s not the story. it’s not where this plot twists. there’s more to the story. but i realized that it was absolutely, 100% never going to change unless i did. the legacy didn’t magically change. God literally picked me up with own His holy version of the jaws of life and said, “nope, you can’t have this one.”

so… i don’t say “get up, let’s go,” in vain. i don’t say it from a place of unknowing. i know how it feels. i know what it’s like. i know every debilitating detail of a million pounds of anxiety and depression weighing down on you, convincing you there’s no possibility of movement or improvement. and it’s all a lie. it’s an illusion. and the power you get to walk in when you defy every single negative thought that plagues your brain is absolutely indescribable.

permanent? no. cured? not entirely. but the voices weaken. they quiet. they settle. they lose power. they lose steam. the trick is not giving them the ammo or the focus they’re craving. ever tried not thinking of an apple when someone tells you not to think about an apple? your brain doesn’t work in negatives. this gives you the power. you shift your focus, you shift your energy, and the things that try to hold you down lose their grip on your life.

i could literally write about this for 600 more paragraphs… i won’t do that. just know you’re more powerful than you think. braver than you know. and meant for more than you can imagine.

i’d love to help you if i can. if any of these words are helpful, i’m honored to have written them. maybe there’s a leap you can take that would hold your feet to the fire and start this train moving in the right direction. i’m here for the encouragement, if that’s useful to you. <3 do something. move. you’re not a tree. join me. come be in the spaces i like to hang out that help me keep this kind of belief and fire. dark can’t drive out dark – only light can do that.

public humiliation

i don’t know if you saw it at all… there’s been so much to see lately, honestly. too much… not much of it very good… i honestly usually keep my head in the sand on most things… maybe that’s ignorant. but, in this case, as a musician with friends who know i’m a musician, a friend of mine asked me what i thought about this… so i checked it out.

the situation was — and you can google more specific details if you wish, but it’s not my desire to out anyone or add unnecessary drama to an already dramatic situation — a musician / songwriter sang a public national anthem on a large stage, televised in front of the nation and it did not go well. more than not go well, it caused her the next day to post on social media that she had been intoxicated and she was going to check herself into rehab.

when i heard the performance for the first time, it was before she had made such a claim, so the only thoughts i had were, “man, if she has a problem and nobody knew, that’s really sad.” and then, i saw her statement.

following that, there were some claims that it was a technological problem. it happens all the time. but here’s my continued issue with the whole situation.

i should add that i’m speaking from a fair bit of personal experience on this, as i, too, have been in the position of singing a couple of high-exposure anthems, very gratefully so. while in those situations, there has never been a shortage of people asking me if i’m ready, asking if i need anything, asking if i’m ok… there were so. many. people. checking on me, probably honestly making sure i wasn’t going to blow it. making sure my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. maybe thinking to themselves, “man, i don’t know if i could do this, so is she going to be able to?” with the occasional outward warning, “don’t forget the words!”

who was checking on her? who was asking her if she was ok? if she really wasn’t ok and it was that noticeably poor of a performance, i would think that someone would have been able to notice that she wasn’t acting like herself — there were likely signs that this wasn’t going to be the best idea.

i also grew up with an alcoholic. this is the part of my story that really lends a hand to my thoughts on the situation. i could always tell my mom was drinking within seconds. i could call it out plain as day. it took me zero effort to see that she wasn’t herself. and if someone’s issue with alcohol is so serious that they need to call themselves out the next day on social media about their immediate check-in to rehab… i would venture to say it was serious enough to be able to notice.

there’s a lot of hate on the internet these days. far too much. unfortunately, she’s being made to look pretty bad in some corners of this wild wild web. but this is not on her. none of this is on her. her team failed her. and from personal experience, getting upset with someone who struggles with addiction does nothing — you don’t realize the amount of shame they already feel. they certainly don’t need your help.

i hate that this happened. i hate that it keeps happening. i hate that it seems so hard to find a team of people that you can actually trust, that actually have your best interest at heart. the fact of the matter is she hired these people… when a musician or artist hires a team, they’re doing so because they can’t manage their career alone. the scope of responsibilities and tasks that go into a music career are far too heavy for one person to carry. so they hire help. trusted help in a sea full of “helpers” that oftentimes don’t care about anyone but themselves. but i’m sure she thought she had made the right choices. and then this happened.

i’ve let my assessment of the situation reset mostly in the possibility of an addict performing with high stakes that wasn’t protected by her team. then there’s the possibility that her technology failed her.

but my opinion remains the same.

if the technology fails, you don’t go burn your house down by telling people that you’re going to rehab. if the technology fails, no one lets you die on that hill. there’s no reason for someone of high profile to admit they’re going to rehab unless they’re actually going to rehab.

either way, whether a team isn’t paying enough attention to an intoxicated artist about to take the stage or is allowing her to throw herself under the bus to cover for someone’s terrible technological failure, that’s a team that’s not really looking out for the best interest of the artist… and that’s unfortunately the way of the world it seems.

we don’t care enough about each other. we don’t even check in. we’re more concerned with power, ego, self, me, gain, money, and fame to even consider love, kindness, selflessness, or peace. no one is looking at someone about to burn part of her career down and thinking maybe it’s better that we consider a Plan B. or maybe no one truly knew her well enough to be able to decipher the signs? i’m not sure about that… i just find it negligent.

and what about the kids? what about all of our kids watching us adults completely screw this up? they soak up everything like a sponge. they watch every move we make. they imitate, they regurgitate… and they deserve better. they’re watching adults on TV show up this way, and we keep allowing it to happen. it makes me so sad, because i just can’t see the train slowing down or turning around. it’s a complete self-destructive forest fire and we keep pouring more gasoline.

if we want better, we have to be better. think better. act better. speak up better. say something. love better. care better. quit being the center of our own universes. humble up. be willing to look stupid, but not in the humiliating way. be willing to say the hard thing to avoid the bigger tragedy. quit going with the flow when you see the waterfall clearly approaching. the only way the cycle stops is with love.

one of my very favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

anger, hatred, or judgment will never be able to stop things like this from happening. and being a keyboard warrior solves nothing. we’re only going to see benefit or improvement from caring more about each other, putting someone else before ourself, and being walking, talking examples of love.

my first trip as “mom”

….and how it all made me feel….

at this point, Matthew and i have only been married a couple months, but we’ve been together for almost three years. at no point have i ever not treated the kids as my own – probably quite literally since the day i met them. i don’t have bio kids, so i’m grateful every day the Lord thought that i’d be a good fit for this family as their bonus mom and Matthew’s other parenting half in this house.

i don’t typically think too deeply into the whole “mom” thing with them – i’m just Sarah, and i’m the motherly figure in this household when they’re with us. but when you’re on a trip with your family, especially when we all have the same last name, i’m “mom” to most people that we’re interacting with. mostly strangers we’ll never see again, but as someone who knows i’m actually not mom despite how it looks, it does come with feelings. for whatever reason…

on one airplane, someone actually made the comment that they look just like me. i told her thank you for being so kind, but they’re not truly mine. “i’m just bonus mom,” i said.

to me, it felt like a compliment. not something she should’ve apologized for, which she did… but i love being part of this family. i love helping raise these kids. i love being Matthew’s wife. i love it more than anything, if i’m being completely honest. more than i ever imagined possible.

i loved being on vacation with them this week. i loved seeing them joyful and excited and experiencing a bunch of new things, running around in a completely new place, smiling so big, their little faces couldn’t possibly hold any more happy!!

say what you want, but i love being their mom, even if i’m not their “real mom” or whatever. i know i didn’t birth them, but i think being a mom is an attitude and a stance you take. it’s a behavior. it’s a mindset. it’s a willingness to step in and fill a pair of shoes i never expected to wear, but ones i hope i’m wearing as gracefully, lovingly, and responsibly as i possibly can. and wanna know what i really hope? i hope that if there are any other bonus moms reading this right now that you’ll stop writing yourself off as “second best.”

i’m guilty of it myself – the lady on the airplane says the kids look like me and i’m like “yea, i’m just bonus mom.” anyone says “mom”-anything and i’m in my head telling myself “fake mom.” we are not fake moms!! we’re not second best. it’s not a competition. and if you’re running it like it is, you’re missing the point. these kids don’t need me to compete for anything with them. it would probably confuse them if that were the case. i’m just me, and there’s not another me on the planet. there’s not another set of kids on this planet i’ll ever get to parent. so whether i’m a real mom, fake mom, bonus mom, mean mom, weird mom, cool mom… and whether they ever utter that specific word to me or about me… is none of my concern. the qualifications and categories do nothing for me.

ya know, here’s the hard truth. plenty of kids have estranged relationships with their bio mom. i was one of them. the “bio” part is not the focal point. the love is. the priorities are. the relationship is. i’ve learned it so many times in my life through my own experiences – sometimes blood is just a word. and it’s hard to say this, but it’s the real truth. i’ve got the kind of life and family money can’t buy. and no, i didn’t physically birth my kids, but i’ll always teach them, discipline them, care for them, and love them as if they were my own.

it wasn’t a hard choice. it’s not about right or wrong. i didn’t lose anything when i gained kids. i feel like i hit the dang lottery, are you kidding? but for real, we gotta stop allowing ourselves to consider ourself as less than, because we’re not. and furthermore, that doesn’t even really exist. there’s no “mom hierarchy” or whatever. the privilege of being their mom will never be lost on me, and it’s a role i’m absolutely honored to fill. <3

humility

what is it? how do we do it? can there be too much? yes.

what i’m guilty of thinking humility is – shrinking, taking up less space, not being confident in who i am, saying less, being less present (so i don’t get in the way), being unable to take compliments. among other things. but this is not humility.

i parked at Proverbs this week – Proverbs 22:4 The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the Lord is riches, honor, and life.

some people read something like this and think “all i have to do is shrink and the Lord will bless me with everything i ever wanted.” and to that i say…. good luck.

here’s what i learned + confirmed this week – humility is surrender. humility is wanting my own will less. humility is giving up thinking i had it all figured out. humility is giving without worrying what i’ll be getting because He’s got that part figured out. humility is saying Your ways are higher and better, and i’m going to humbly do whatever i need to in order to let You work through me to accomplish that. on Your time table, not mine. through Your path, not mine. humility is showing up with confidence in the path He has me on with authority, vigor, excitement, and joy. not with quietness, unenthusiastically, or meekness.

i’ve been acting a little too meek sometimes i think. i’ve been acting like i might offend someone if i say the wrong thing. and i probably will if it’s me and my flesh talking. but if i allow Him to work through me, where’s the offense in that? how can i possibly offend someone with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, or self control? what’s offensive about that?

do you find yourself taking humility too far? mine has been borderline deprecating at times, and i think i’ve about had it with that mental pattern. so here’s to showing up LOUD with love and joy and generosity. because those are the things that are going to make this world a better, more beautiful place.

you can start small by smiling at a stranger, or telling someone you love them <3 you may never know how much they needed it.

carrying stuff

it’s been a week, y’all. for real. it’s not been particularly physically demanding, but mentally, it’s been a great week of growth and introspection.

do you ever allow yourself a minute to just be introspective? if not, let this be your sign. some of my biggest moments of self-growth have been when i’m calling myself out, holding my own feet to the fire, and examining my own character to see if i’m actually being the person i’m meant to be.

let me be clear – my inner dialogue hijacked by the Holy Spirit is really what does the refining here. if it were up to me, i would just probably continue being a normal human that tries her best, but ultimately just kind of does whatever the heck she wants. this week, Spirit said no. Spirit said all those cobwebs i’ve been allowing to sit in the corner and all the dust i’ve been allowing to collect all gotta go.

so they’re going. it’s a radical accountability i’ve not really pushed myself to have until now. i think that just comes with time, and in no way am i trying to speak to you like i’m an expert, but… as someone that feels compelled to write about these things, i’m simply sharing what’s on my heart around this subject.

your conscience is calling you higher, but that doesn’t make it so. you gotta do the work. so i’m doing the work. i monitor what comes out of my mouth. i watch the friendships i’m nourishing. i watch the kinds of relationships i’m pursuing. i’m conscious about how i’m talking about and building my brand partnership. i’m weeding out songs in my set list that don’t necessarily reflect that kinds of things i’d like to be singing about. it’s like… an all encompassing overhaul. and it’s hard. but. it needed to be done.

in what ways do you feel yourself pulled? better yet, in what ways do you feel yourself frustrated…? because for me… that’s also sometimes where it ACTUALLY starts. it’s not necessarily me with all this wisdom, sitting around like, “oh… i think i should change this now…” i feel the misalignment. i feel the nudge. and it feels frustrating. and i know THAT’S the point of growth.

i titled this blog Carrying Stuff because it’s not until this growth happens that you’ll be able to carry more. it feels heavy… but you have to learn how to lift it. the only way you’re going to be able to lift it… is if you’re forced to. because Lord knows i’m not trying to be around here adding extra weight ot my plate. i’m thankful for the growth. i’m thankful for the opportunity. and i’m thankful for the growing pains. because i know they only mean that i’m on my way to being trusted with lifting more things, being responsible for more things, able to steward more things.

it’s a blessing to be a blessing – that’s the real fact. and we’re blessed to be able to be forged in this fire.

kinda deep-ish this time around… hope it helped you today ♥

vision

what’s yours? when you think about the word “vision” what comes to mind? is it a word that excites you or stresses you out?

i’ll be honest, it stresses me out sometimes. and i know exactly why.

i’m an ex-college athlete – i know what it is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. it’s hard wired into my soul. it’s who i am. to my core, i love working hard towards achieving my vision.

but what sucks is when your vision and reality aren’t playing nice together. i sometimes have a hard time liking my vision because it doesn’t feel like it’s coming true. doesn’t feel like it’s gonna be anything more in this lifetime than a nice sounding collection of “hey, wouldn’t that be nice?” fleeting daydreams.

i have a vision board this year – that statement matters because i had never created one until this year. wanna know why? i thought it was stupid. i’m just being really honest. i didn’t see the point. i’ve made magazine collages before and i thought i was above it.

my relationship with my mother? failed. my first marriage? failed. chasing dreams and envisioning things in my life hasn’t seemed to work all that well for me but you know what i’ve learned? if you’re not shooting for anything, not working towards something, you’re just standing still, which is probably the biggest waste of all.

so… yes. in 2024, i decided to have a vision board. and you know what i have to also make sure i’m mentally building into my vision? wiggle room.

make some dang space! leave some room for stuff to not go as planned. heck, leave room for it go sideways, wayward, off track, make no sense, and what i love most is leaving room for it to be BETTER than you could have originally imagined.

i’m guilty of setting a goal and only feeling like i’m successful if that EXACT goal was achieved…. no. i’ve been missing it. that’s not the definition of success. make some space in your vision – leave some room for possibility. and quit thinking you’ve got the best plan in your mind. what if there’s more? what if you’re seeing what’s right in front of your feet correctly with your lantern and what’s up around the corner is about to absolutely blow your mind??

did this meet you where you were today? <3 i sure hope so.

one more thing. and this is SO WEIRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!!! we just did a bathroom remodel… one of my photos on my vision board is of a bathtub with candles to remind me to prioritize self care. that’s been a really huge focus for me this year. here’s the WEIRD PART!!!!!!! the photo looks SO MUCH like the bathtub and bathroom we just created…. and i didn’t even TRY to do that!!! we bought this bath tub because it had the look we wanted and it was on sale… i’m completely serious. DARE TO CREATE THE VISION and then stand back and be amazed at what happens.

the horse just loves to run

i listened to Cody Asbury’s new album in the car this morning and i found myself getting really down with so many of the lyrics but one of them stuck out to me more than others:

“the jockey lives for racing, the horse just loves to run”

you could probably take these words a number of ways, but here’s my interpretation – i get excited about racing just like any human, but what i really wanna be like is the horse. win or lose, i just want to love to run. i want to have my blinders on and be so excited about where i’m going that i don’t have to care about the interpretation of the result. i don’t even have to worry about winning or not because to enjoy the journey is to win. the win or loss is subjective. how can you lose when you’re enjoying where you’re at, blooming where you’re planted? where’s the loss in that?

i don’t even want to worry about the finish line. i just want to be in the moment. running, doing, being, breathing, loving, enjoying, serving, giving – whatever it is that i need to do to run the race right now, that’s what i want to focus on. i’m not worried about the next lap. i’m not even worried about the next turn. i want “step by step” and “little by little” to be my largest concerns.

i think it’s when we are faithful with little that we are trusted with more. i think that we have to do the “little by little” first because running the entire race at once would be entirely overwhelming, not to mention the lack of sense it makes. people, we have to live one moment, one minute at a time, because we literally cannot live in two minutes at once. that’s as “nuts and bolts” as we can get… it can’t be about the next moment until we finish this one. and we also don’t get to be mad at time for passing so quickly if all we’re going to do is wish for the next chapter.

have you ever tried to read the instructions on how to build something or the entire recipe on how to cook something and realize that trying to memorize all the steps 1-10 at once is pretty impossible…? sometimes i get ahead of myself and think that i’m going to be able to follow like… four steps at once. and i’m always wrong. that never works. and the same is true for whatever path we’re on. there’s directions, but sometimes it’s as simple as, “run.” are you looking for something more complicated than that? do you think you need more information than that? sometimes we don’t get more information than that. no further instructions, no reasons why, and it doesn’t make any sense to us.

for example. i fired this blog back up about 12 weeks ago or so… i still don’t know why. you reading this right now is definitely part of the reason, but beyond that, i’m not really sure. maybe it’s not deeper than that. but i keep feeling compelled to write it. so here i am writing. and dang it, i am loving it. if there’s no further purpose, then ok, because the horse just loves to run.

i hope i allow that sentiment to bleed over into whatever i’m doing. and i hope you do to. i hope not everything you do today or this week “needs” a purpose, so to speak. i hope you can find a way to do something just because you love it. just because you’re a human who gets to breathe air into your lungs and do things for the enjoyment of being alive. not because it gains you anything, not because it “moves the needle” or whatever. just because you can. these are little moments in life that i believe we could use a lot more of.

in what ways can you just “love to run” in your life today?

in your gut

you know how there’s just some things you feel in your gut? sometimes you don’t really have the words to explain it, you wouldn’t know how to articulate it if you tried – you just know. you don’t even really know how you know or why you know. you just do.

and when you go against your gut and find out you were right in the first place, you feel like you should have trusted yourself all along. on the flipside, when you stick to your guns and keep going in the direction you know is right, popular or not, and it pays off, there’s this unbelievable sense of “gosh, i just knew it all along…”

there’s a ton of confidence to be built here. but you have to be careful. because the mind is a tricky beast. it’ll tell you you’re right to the end of this earth, but that doesn’t make it so. my favorite is when my brain tells me i “deserve” this or “deserve” to feel this way – that should be a red flag. well-grounded desires are not founded on whether or not we “deserve” this or that – that’s just our own ego and self-righteous nature.

i just gotta make a note here. because i heard something in a conversation yesterday with a friend and it was spot on – there’s a point in your conscience where you’re asked to delineate between what’s “right” and what’s “almost right.” there’s a ton of character to be built here. a lot of times what seems “almost right” is really just self-seeking and ultimately “pretty good” but maybe not great. those things you “wish you could have,” or those shoes you probably shouldn’t buy, but you justify anyway. that’s not the “go with your gut” i’m talking about. there’s nothing to be built from consistently choosing what’s “almost right.” there’s nothing to be gained from choosing the path you claim is being paved for you, when it’s really just what’s most convenient for you. the path where we see that we stand to gain the most isn’t always the right choice. that’s just us being humans, being solely concerned with controlling our circumstances, keeping up with the Joneses, looking for ways to obtain the shiny things.

you know you’re getting in your own way when you need your side of the story. you know you’re straying from center when there’s a “version” – there is no “my truth” – there’s just… truth. period.

a big part of anything you could call “confidence” in me is because of trusting my gut, if that’s what you want to call it. not always trusting “the best outcome for me,” or “where i gain the most.” but what’s really right… morally, ethically, etc. too often what we “wish” was right and what’s actually right are two different things. i don’t call it gut or intuition or any of that really – i know what’s leading me. or more importantly Who is leading me. and it really takes that whole mystery aspect out of the gut instinct altogether. does this “gut feeling” ultimately benefit me the most? am i twisting things to make it look like the best option? the “right” path isn’t going to have you acting in any other way besides 100% truthful, with nothing to prove and nothing to explain for ourselves. it doesn’t involve throwing anyone under the bus. you’ll never have to make someone look bad so you look better. it doesn’t require us to go above and beyond and make sure people know our side, and it doesn’t require some gray area justification or interpretation of the rules.

you know. you’ll always know. you can feel it. when something isn’t quite right about something or someone, you just know. when you’re justifying your “left of center” temptation to yourself, you just know. there are people that i can sit with and wonder why i have this unexplainable palpitation in my chest, and not in a good way. these are not people i try to spend a whole lot of time around – i try to avoid it altogether if i can. my spirit knows, and i bet yours does too.

i’m not sure if this is resonating with anyone today, but i sure hope it is. you need to know the power you have in your own body, mind, and the directions you’re being nudged. the appeal of what you want to happen may be great, but the reality of what you need and the feeling of keeping your conscience clean is greater. you need to know that you’re smarter, more capable, more aware than you think. trust yourself. trust that inner voice. sometimes something can be “marketing” as one thing, but it’s not really that hard to see through the crap when you trust yourself.

there’s probably a lot more you’re doing right than you’re giving yourself credit for if you’re operating in your life with a good, clean heart and honest intentions – not the ones that seek ways to serve yourself first above all else. that’s why when something seems a little “off” about someone, you feel it in your chest. that’s why no matter how hard you try to fight it, at the end of the day, your inner being just knows that it’s not going to work. you also need to know it’s not your job to make it work. it’s not your job to expose, prove, call out, change, fix, or power through. you’re not responsible for that. that’s called boundaries, and there’s a ton of confidence to be built there, too.

boundaries help us keep our own lawn clean. we don’t have control over too many things in this world, but we do have a good bit of government over our “space.” our “bubble” so to speak is completely under our jurisdiction. who comes in, who stays, for how long, what we allow to change our atmosphere – we get to call the shots on these things, and when we do a crappy job of governing our own space, our spirit knows it. i’m guilty of trying to be a peacemaker and letting my boundaries slack so someone else’s feelings don’t get hurt. wanna know who always ends up with the short end of that stick? me. every single time. and i’ve learned that it’s really not worth it. when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. but don’t be afraid to put your own judgments on trial, too – because SHOCKER – sometimes your conscience is WRONG!!! sometimes it falls into that “almost right” category – examine it! test it!

at the end of the day it’s really not worth trying to appease someone else at my own expense. and it’s not “unChristian” to act this way. protecting our own space is one of the best things we can do because it allows us to be mentally available for the things we’re actually responsible for instead of cleaning up the mess someone else came in and crapped all over our floor.

three things i wanna leave you with in this post – trust your gut, challenge your selfish human nature, and work on building stronger boundaries. i’d love to know your thoughts about how you think these things might impact your mental space. do you need to make improvements in these areas?

//anxiety//

it’s been a heavy week for me mentally, and if i’m alone in that, that’s a good thing – i don’t wish weeks like this on anyone. i’m not tired necessarily from the week. i’m tired because i’ve been constantly battling with my mind trying to keep it as positive as possible. unfortunately, i’ve been falling short majority of the days…

what on Earth do i possibly have to worry about?! you may ask… and i’ll give you my whole whimpy list right here – maybe you can see yourself in some of this: am i doing enough?, am i good enough?, am i enough, period?, is this working?, fear and worry about success or failure, anxiety over what people think, worried i missed the boat on something, am i parenting well enough?, am i “relationship”ing well enough?, i didn’t work out today, what a failure, why am i eating so terribly?, why isn’t this happening faster?, mad that my efforts aren’t turning to fruit, worried that they won’t… should i continue? i won’t… you get the picture.

i took it to the Word, though. and without getting too preachy on you, i’ll give you some of my practical takeaways.

did you know that sometimes people obtain their success in not-so-innocent ways? have you ever stopped to consider that when you’re scrolling around in comparison mode in the black hole of the internet? people will go out of their way, oftentimes against their own inner dialogue, morals, or values to obtain success. and they’ll go brag about it like it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to them. no one is telling you exactly how they got to where they are. they are simply showing off that they got there.

when i stop to think about that, it kicks me in the face and brings me right back down to Earth. or whatever planet i’m from.

did you also know that fast success isn’t sustainable? it’s not lasting success. fast relationships, fast money, fast anything – not the same as steady and sustainable. it’s just not the thing that’s built on a firm foundation and gonna stand the test of time. fast success is just that – fast. success. not lasting success. not fulfilling success. not better, not more, not happier…. fast. and sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they fall. that’s my first takeaway.

my second takeaway – it’s not the prudent person that’s got something to prove. it’s not the grounded, sound, confident person that’s out here trying to show off or show out. that’s the insecure, not confident person. and you can be whoever you wanna be in this life, but if i’ve got my choice, i want to be grounded. i want to be well-founded. i want to build my house on rock, not sand. it’s not usually the modest person that gets noticed first, but i’ll be danged if they’re not well-respected in their own time.

i’m gonna go ahead and print these words for myself and make wallpaper out of them… i know i’m going to forget tomorrow and need a front and center reminder… feel free to do the same.

♥, SF

when you don’t feel like it

story tiiimmmeeee!!!

i woke up this morning at 6:45am with no alarm. that may not sound that early for some, but that is NOT normal for me. i am not a morning person – i don’t care what you heard. they lied.

honestly, my first thought? go back to bed. but then… i thought to myself… “i think you’re supposed to get up…” so i did.

it was a weird, inconvenient morning… i had a bible study group i had been invited to attend, but the night previous i did that thing where i “loosely commit” (“i’m gonna try and make it in the morning…” so non-committal…) so that i could have an easy out in the morning if i didn’t feel like going… we’ve all done it. c’mon, tell me i’m not the only one.

well. against my better judgment… i decided to just cut the crap, commit, and get my butt in the car. but i wanted to read more. but i wanted to journal more. i wanted to sit around more. i wanted to eat more. but. but. but. and then i got in the car…

as i was driving, i noticed there was an absurd number of cars that were on the shoulder with flat tires… and then immediately realized that was because there was an absolutely absurd number of Car-Sized Potholes waiting to do the same thing to me… i thought to myself, “maybe i should turn around. maybe this isn’t safe. i should just go home… where i can get back in my PJs and scroll the day away…. i mean WORK…. WORK the day away…” (we all know how this trap works…)

but i pressed on. despite my mind’s many attempts to get me to turn around, throw in the towel, and pack it in.

when i got there… i was met with an overwhelming sense of peace that i’m not really sure i can accurately explain. i’m usually not all that comfortable in the middle of a room of people i don’t know, but i sat down and struck up a conversation with a stranger instead. surprised the pants off of myself…

the dialogue that was in this room was nothing short of amazing. within 10 minutes of starting, i felt like i finally understood why pushing through all of my futile excuses and feeble attempts to stay home were worth trampling. THIS. this is what life has for us when we decide to push our boundaries and lean into our discomfort. it’s the goodness. the zest. the juice that is so worth the squeeze. these little nuggets and tidbits that we so easily miss because we “don’t feel like it.”

not only would i have missed some really good biblical inspiration, i would’ve missed the conversations with two of my friends that i don’t see often enough, which were absolutely lined with gold. humans were created for connection. and social media does. not. count, people. so stop it. it’s a cheap alternative. it’s like… the fool’s gold of human connection.

don’t get me wrong. i’m well away that i would’ve gone about my day just fine with or without this women’s group, that’s a definite. but i proved to myself that my own internal resistance was worth pressing into this morning. i showed myself there’s more to life than what i do or don’t feel like doing. there are great things in this life to enjoy if we’ll just lean in a little and take the leap, as mini or mighty as it might feel.

i’d encourage you to take note of your “i don’t feel like it” moments, too. are there things or situations worth pressing into? i truly believe that you may never know why you’re put in certain places – queue all the internal questioning i’ve done lately in my current self-care journey of selling shampoo while clinging to the original “plan” of being a musician – but you guarantee that you’ll never find out if you can’t even push through and show up. the people you could meet, the lessons you could learn, the beautiful accidents you leave space for… the list goes on – and it’s all hinging on whether or not you can get over yourself and lean in.

♥,
SF

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