mental health for women

distractions

January 23, 2025 by Sarah Faith

christian, christian blog, christian life, how to live a peaceful life, mental freedom, mental health, mental health blog, mental health for women, mental peace strategies, mindset, overcoming distractions, self care, self-care for women

squirrel!

you too, right? i can’t be the only one.

i’ll fess up. i’m the queen. i’ll be on a task and next thing i know, my phone is in my hand, and i’m looking at all kinds of things that have nothing to do with my original task. and that thing on my to-do list now takes me twice as long because my brain is in too many unhelpful, non-productive directions.

i’m distracted by things. i’m distracted by thoughts. i’m distracted by people. i’m distracted by things that on the surface look like good things, but ultimately are not THE thing, which makes them just another in a long like of distractions.

i’ve been on a journey my whole life really — we all have — to find a sense of purpose. i’ve thought i was right so many times only to be redirected some time later. and the re-directs are never without growth and lessons… take my first marriage for example. lots of growth and redirection happened there, packed with lessons i didn’t really want to learn. if i look back on all the times i’ve changed course, i can’t help but feel like i’ve just been so distracted.

it’s in these moments that i’m so thankful for the times my life has seemingly been uprooted in catastrophic ways, because i’ve been forced to get quiet, turn inward, and separate the truth from the noise. and the truth is… no matter how many distractions there are, they never win. they may temporarily win a battle here or there, but they’ll never win the war. if you’re truly committed to learning the lessons being presented to you, the distractions don’t have a permanent hold on you.

for me, distractions are nothing more than a feeble attempt at knocking me off course. if there’s no chance of changing my mind on the path i’m on, then maybe throwing a few distractions my way will delay the progress. but just like anything, you get better and better with practice. better at cutting down the distraction time, better at getting over them, better at identifying them before they even take a second of your time. it’s like reps in the gym… always adding one more, always becoming stronger, able to handle more weight.

distractions are annoying. i’m not even going to sugarcoat it at all – they’re so. dang. annoying. but the more you know about where you’re headed, the less power any of them have over you. i’m so crystal clear and dead set on where i’m going, it doesn’t matter who says or does what — i know what i heard and that’s where i’m going. no second guessing, no time to deliberate over “this or that,” and no time for all that rinky dink chatter in my thoughts trying to convince me otherwise.

i’m not trying to act like i’ve cracked the code or have it all figured out. i’m not immune. i think that only comes with more and more practice. and social media is a cruel beast sometimes, right? i can get so distracted by all the perfection, all the things people “say,” and trying to figure out if it’s true or not. but honestly… what i’ve come to realize is that it’s really none of my business. i was allowing these things to have too much power over my thoughts, and it was all just one big distraction, none of it having anything to do with what i’m trying to accomplish.

it’s like when i ask the kids to put away their laundry or brush their teeth and they end up in toy land, tinkering with anything else besides clothes or toothbrushes. what about those toys has anything to do with brushing teeth…? nothing. they got distracted. and now i’m annoyed because this is taking forever.

i do the same thing. and i’m grateful for these continued examples and lessons, because if i’m going to fuss over how much time i don’t have during the day, i definitely don’t have time for distractions.

some of the best things i’ve ever done in this department have been to put my blinders on, set some social media boundaries for myself, or just boundaries in general, and get really, really clear on the reason i began in the first place. do these distracted, sometimes comparative, sometimes negative, sometimes just not useful or helpful thoughts get me any closer to where i want to go? no? purge. it’s gotta go.

whatever it is or whoever it is and whatever it says or whatever they said — it doesn’t hold a candle to the mission you’re on. remember that. it’s not worth your peace, it’s not worth your time, and the work you have to do is far too important to allow the doubts, fears, and anxieties to have any power over your direction.

let those words sink in. think about them this week. i wrote them, but i believe they were given to me for you – i’m simply the conduit. i’m just the one that typed them into this space and hit “send.”

my first trip as “mom”

….and how it all made me feel….

at this point, Matthew and i have only been married a couple months, but we’ve been together for almost three years. at no point have i ever not treated the kids as my own – probably quite literally since the day i met them. i don’t have bio kids, so i’m grateful every day the Lord thought that i’d be a good fit for this family as their bonus mom and Matthew’s other parenting half in this house.

i don’t typically think too deeply into the whole “mom” thing with them – i’m just Sarah, and i’m the motherly figure in this household when they’re with us. but when you’re on a trip with your family, especially when we all have the same last name, i’m “mom” to most people that we’re interacting with. mostly strangers we’ll never see again, but as someone who knows i’m actually not mom despite how it looks, it does come with feelings. for whatever reason…

on one airplane, someone actually made the comment that they look just like me. i told her thank you for being so kind, but they’re not truly mine. “i’m just bonus mom,” i said.

to me, it felt like a compliment. not something she should’ve apologized for, which she did… but i love being part of this family. i love helping raise these kids. i love being Matthew’s wife. i love it more than anything, if i’m being completely honest. more than i ever imagined possible.

i loved being on vacation with them this week. i loved seeing them joyful and excited and experiencing a bunch of new things, running around in a completely new place, smiling so big, their little faces couldn’t possibly hold any more happy!!

say what you want, but i love being their mom, even if i’m not their “real mom” or whatever. i know i didn’t birth them, but i think being a mom is an attitude and a stance you take. it’s a behavior. it’s a mindset. it’s a willingness to step in and fill a pair of shoes i never expected to wear, but ones i hope i’m wearing as gracefully, lovingly, and responsibly as i possibly can. and wanna know what i really hope? i hope that if there are any other bonus moms reading this right now that you’ll stop writing yourself off as “second best.”

i’m guilty of it myself – the lady on the airplane says the kids look like me and i’m like “yea, i’m just bonus mom.” anyone says “mom”-anything and i’m in my head telling myself “fake mom.” we are not fake moms!! we’re not second best. it’s not a competition. and if you’re running it like it is, you’re missing the point. these kids don’t need me to compete for anything with them. it would probably confuse them if that were the case. i’m just me, and there’s not another me on the planet. there’s not another set of kids on this planet i’ll ever get to parent. so whether i’m a real mom, fake mom, bonus mom, mean mom, weird mom, cool mom… and whether they ever utter that specific word to me or about me… is none of my concern. the qualifications and categories do nothing for me.

ya know, here’s the hard truth. plenty of kids have estranged relationships with their bio mom. i was one of them. the “bio” part is not the focal point. the love is. the priorities are. the relationship is. i’ve learned it so many times in my life through my own experiences – sometimes blood is just a word. and it’s hard to say this, but it’s the real truth. i’ve got the kind of life and family money can’t buy. and no, i didn’t physically birth my kids, but i’ll always teach them, discipline them, care for them, and love them as if they were my own.

it wasn’t a hard choice. it’s not about right or wrong. i didn’t lose anything when i gained kids. i feel like i hit the dang lottery, are you kidding? but for real, we gotta stop allowing ourselves to consider ourself as less than, because we’re not. and furthermore, that doesn’t even really exist. there’s no “mom hierarchy” or whatever. the privilege of being their mom will never be lost on me, and it’s a role i’m absolutely honored to fill. <3

humility

what is it? how do we do it? can there be too much? yes.

what i’m guilty of thinking humility is – shrinking, taking up less space, not being confident in who i am, saying less, being less present (so i don’t get in the way), being unable to take compliments. among other things. but this is not humility.

i parked at Proverbs this week – Proverbs 22:4 The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the Lord is riches, honor, and life.

some people read something like this and think “all i have to do is shrink and the Lord will bless me with everything i ever wanted.” and to that i say…. good luck.

here’s what i learned + confirmed this week – humility is surrender. humility is wanting my own will less. humility is giving up thinking i had it all figured out. humility is giving without worrying what i’ll be getting because He’s got that part figured out. humility is saying Your ways are higher and better, and i’m going to humbly do whatever i need to in order to let You work through me to accomplish that. on Your time table, not mine. through Your path, not mine. humility is showing up with confidence in the path He has me on with authority, vigor, excitement, and joy. not with quietness, unenthusiastically, or meekness.

i’ve been acting a little too meek sometimes i think. i’ve been acting like i might offend someone if i say the wrong thing. and i probably will if it’s me and my flesh talking. but if i allow Him to work through me, where’s the offense in that? how can i possibly offend someone with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, or self control? what’s offensive about that?

do you find yourself taking humility too far? mine has been borderline deprecating at times, and i think i’ve about had it with that mental pattern. so here’s to showing up LOUD with love and joy and generosity. because those are the things that are going to make this world a better, more beautiful place.

you can start small by smiling at a stranger, or telling someone you love them <3 you may never know how much they needed it.

our wedding story

once upon a time, a boy messaged a girl on Instagram about songwriter’s rounds in Nashville, she responded, and now we’re here…

OBVIOUSLY that’s extremely abbreviated, so lemme give you a few more details…

when Matthew had proposed in February (the day AFTER Valentine’s Day because ON Valentine’s Day would’ve been too cheesy, and he didn’t want to be cheesy), we knew we didn’t really want a long engagement. there were a couple reasons for this:
• Matthew would melt in a mid-summer occasion
• we’ve been talking about marriage basically since day one so why wait?
• we like to make things interesting…

so we decided to look at the calendar, skirt around baseball tournaments if at all possible, and make a choice.

i’ll admit, i did have a little bit of thought on the date because the day we started this whole thing was 12.1.21 and i think that’s kinda neat. so i thought 4.27.24 would be a cool wedding date / anniversary… never mind that it would mean planning a wedding in about 70ish days…. i left that part up to Jesus because an April wedding sounded good to us. and we sent up a double prayer for weather.

venue wise, we didn’t really have a clue where to start. we had considered somewhere local, but didn’t necessarily know of anything too picturesque, didn’t wanna spend $10K, and didn’t need anything too fancy… we’re super simple people and we wanted our wedding to reflect that.

in Tennessee, there are soooo many beautiful places, but lots of them are 3-4 hours away from where we live. that didn’t sound all that appealing… so i started looking for mountain-esque things which led me down a path toward a place called The Leeric Lodge… the views on this place… holyyyyyyy moly… and it wasn’t 4 hours away. i had no reason to believe they would have our date available on such short notice, but when i found out they did, i was pretty dang excited. we needed to work a few details out with them based on our tiny ceremony, but it all ended up getting sorted – than you, Jesus!

we stayed in an AirBnb not far from the venue with EVERYONE in the same house – Matthew and me, his parents and step parents, his sister + brother-in-law with their brand new baby, my parents, and our kids. it was DEFINITELY a house full and required some air mattresses, but it was honestly the best time, and i couldn’t have imagined a more perfect arrangement.

after the wedding, (for which we were granted absolutely PERFECT weather!!!), we opted for a family dinner in town before spending our last night in the AirBnb before loading everyone up in the morning and heading back home to Clarksville.

we decided to have our reception the following day, Sunday, at The Amsterdam Local where all our friends would be able to celebrate with us. We had a whole Table -Sized charcuterie spread, the most beautiful cake, mini bundt cakes, macarons, and lotssss of community. just really simple.

there were definitely a lot of hands-on details for this whole thing, but honestly, i don’t think we could have dreamed it any better. the biggest takeaways for the whole weekend is we are: 1) grateful for every single human that came to celebrate with us 2) unbelievably grateful for the weather and 3) sooo glad we kept it soooooo simple.

being a part of this family is such a blessing, and there’s no way to create a wedding day that encapsulates all the blessings this marriage will grow into and bring us in the years and years to come. so if there was any advice to give to anyone in a similar situation, i’d definitely say: keep your ceremony to the Absolute Must-Have VIP people, invite your close-to-the-vest circle to your reception, do it all really small and beautiful, and allow yourselves to really celebrate what God is going in the midst of the whole thing. don’t get too caught up in the details of one specific day because at the end of the day, you’re still going to be married. the details will be nothing but things you spent money on to a certain extent. make it count.

HUGE Thank You to:
– Leeric Lodge
– “The Hoot” AirBnb in Silver Point
– BHLDN Bridal (dress)
– Alterations by Hanna (amazziinnggg)
– Briggs Clothiers (custom suit)
– The Amsterdam Local ♥
– Kristen Paige Photography (THANK YOU!!!!!)
– Ellie Beans Cakes (yummmmm)
– Thistle Sweets
– Nothing Bundt Cakes
– Snap Dragon Wagon!!! (Jen…. don’t even get me started)
– Jesus for thinking putting us together was a good idea
– our families for driving all over the country for us
– our friends for loving us, supporting us, and celebrating with us

“‘Til the End, Forever + Again” ♥

carrying stuff

it’s been a week, y’all. for real. it’s not been particularly physically demanding, but mentally, it’s been a great week of growth and introspection.

do you ever allow yourself a minute to just be introspective? if not, let this be your sign. some of my biggest moments of self-growth have been when i’m calling myself out, holding my own feet to the fire, and examining my own character to see if i’m actually being the person i’m meant to be.

let me be clear – my inner dialogue hijacked by the Holy Spirit is really what does the refining here. if it were up to me, i would just probably continue being a normal human that tries her best, but ultimately just kind of does whatever the heck she wants. this week, Spirit said no. Spirit said all those cobwebs i’ve been allowing to sit in the corner and all the dust i’ve been allowing to collect all gotta go.

so they’re going. it’s a radical accountability i’ve not really pushed myself to have until now. i think that just comes with time, and in no way am i trying to speak to you like i’m an expert, but… as someone that feels compelled to write about these things, i’m simply sharing what’s on my heart around this subject.

your conscience is calling you higher, but that doesn’t make it so. you gotta do the work. so i’m doing the work. i monitor what comes out of my mouth. i watch the friendships i’m nourishing. i watch the kinds of relationships i’m pursuing. i’m conscious about how i’m talking about and building my brand partnership. i’m weeding out songs in my set list that don’t necessarily reflect that kinds of things i’d like to be singing about. it’s like… an all encompassing overhaul. and it’s hard. but. it needed to be done.

in what ways do you feel yourself pulled? better yet, in what ways do you feel yourself frustrated…? because for me… that’s also sometimes where it ACTUALLY starts. it’s not necessarily me with all this wisdom, sitting around like, “oh… i think i should change this now…” i feel the misalignment. i feel the nudge. and it feels frustrating. and i know THAT’S the point of growth.

i titled this blog Carrying Stuff because it’s not until this growth happens that you’ll be able to carry more. it feels heavy… but you have to learn how to lift it. the only way you’re going to be able to lift it… is if you’re forced to. because Lord knows i’m not trying to be around here adding extra weight ot my plate. i’m thankful for the growth. i’m thankful for the opportunity. and i’m thankful for the growing pains. because i know they only mean that i’m on my way to being trusted with lifting more things, being responsible for more things, able to steward more things.

it’s a blessing to be a blessing – that’s the real fact. and we’re blessed to be able to be forged in this fire.

kinda deep-ish this time around… hope it helped you today ♥

retaliation

May 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., Uncategorized

confidence, confidence building, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental health blog, mental health for women, Mental health tips for musicians, mental peace strategies, mindset

i’m not sure if you know this about me but i was a collegiate athlete. don’t go Googling my stats or whatever – it’s nothing impressive, but i played soccer for a huge chunk of my life. freaking love that game.

wanna know one of the biggest life lessons i learned from that game? here it is…

usually the person who gets in trouble isn’t the initial offender. it’s the one who retaliates. it’s the one who lets their anger get the best of them and lashes out. they get the call. they get caught. they do the time.

i’ve had my share of times on both sides of that coin. i’ve been the girl committing the fouls that doesn’t get caught. i’ve been the girl who’s so irritated with someone’s repeated lashings that i return the favor. so i definitely know from experience… i’ve been caught WAY more times in the latter than the former. it’s not the instigator that collects the cards on the field, and i’ll be danged if that’s not the case in life as well.

now…. i’m just gonna be honest for a second – doesn’t that just tick you off?!?! because i know it does me. sometimes i’m so convinced that i need to serve justice that i’m about one breath away from giving someone all of the pieces of my mind. not just one of them. but that ain’t it, people.

it’s hard. it’s like one of the hardest things i’ve ever tried to learn how to do. but it’s a necessary skill. people are wild. people are delusional. they’re entitled. their opinions and ways of life are vastly different than our own. and they’re pretty good at telling you allllll about it. they think they know you when they don’t have a clue. whatever the case may be… they’re digging their own graves just fine without our help.

i learned a long time ago, too, from all of my dealings with my mother and her addictions – you will never be able to reason with unreasonable people. it just never sinks in. their thought patterns don’t fire on the same cylinders, they can’t see the same reality, and their glasses are always a deluded shade of rose. they see things in their own way and there’s really nothing we can do to change that. besides not retaliate. that’s the main goal – whatever you do…. don’t. retaliate.

what dirt does someone really have on a non-reactionary human? unless they make it up entirely, the correct answer should be none. i mean, sure, some people have made some lies up about me, but that’s on them. i know it’s not the truth – therefore, they have nothing on me. go ahead and fabricate all you want, but you’re not going to take some reaction i say out of context and paint me in any one-sided light…. because there’s no reaction. there’s nothing to judge. there’s nothing to twist.

at the end of the day we’re all just people doing the best we can. i truly believe that. it’s tempting to think otherwise because it’s such a wild world, but we’re all troubled in our own regard i guess. some more than others, and i’m certainly not the least of the bunch.

here’s my challenge to you this week – when you’re tempted to react… don’t. in traffic. in the parking lot. when someone says something you can’t stand. just… don’t. honestly, i’m telling you – this is just like the point of forgiveness… it’s more for you than for them. protecting our own mental space is the only thing we really have control over, and you’ll be doing yourself a HUGE favor if you can just…. leave it. let it be. let them do whatever, say whatever, be whatever and just… don’t. <3

grace + legalism

ok, raise your hand if you’ve ever had a Tate’s cookie…? they’re this semi-recent discovery of mine, and what i’ve REALLY discovered in my adventures with Tate’s cookies is that it’s nearly impossible for me to eat just one or two. once a pack is open, it’s as good as gone.

you’re catching me right now at bed time, post tooth brushing, analyzing tonight’s snack endeavor, asking myself why i have such little self control when it comes to this particular brand and kind of cookie. but then i took it one step further and began to judge myself because i truly do try to be a person that watches what i consume, attempting to make good, informed choices. low tox, natural living, baby!! there’s just something about these dang cookies that make me throw all caution to the wind, rules in the dumpster, and devour… i mean… smash… dunked in milk, they’re an absolute delicacy.

then… as i thought further into this… i started thinking about how little grace i give myself and how downright legalistic i can be. it’s very all or nothing in this brain of mine. it’s either good or bad, but nothing in between, and if i’m being honest, i’m pretty good at picking myself apart for all the “bad” – i’m using quotations because i’m also pretty harsh when it comes to classifying and separating good from bad.

i’m “bad” for eating all seven of those cookies – but they tasted so good!! but i have no self control and how dare i ever even talk about health, wellness, or anything remotely related with habits like this.

does anyone else crack down on themselves entire too harshly, or is it just me? something moved me to write this tonight while i was brushing my teeth, so i just kind of went with it, assuming the nudge was because there was quite possibly someone that needed to hear that they weren’t alone in this internal legalistic battle.

we are together in these self critical moments, but i want us to lay off ourselves a little. i want us to not be so dang serious and legalistic about all this stuff – just eat the dang cookies and be ok with it, alright? sheesh. i mean, sure, we don’t wanna go housing packs of cookies every night, but there’s also something to be said for enjoying this life and coloring outside the lines a bit every once in a while. there’s goodness in those moments, too. a LOT of goodness. and i would hate for us to miss things that are readily right in front of us because we were too worried about perfectly adhering to some “rules” – most likely rules that we made up for ourselves!!

i didn’t do a “word of the year” this year – i’m just on a mission and i’m headed there full steam ahead. but. if i did, there would’ve likely been a whole list of words because i’m generally so indecisive. somewhere near the top of that list would have been “grace.” you’d be hard pressed to find someone that was a harsher critic on themselves than me, but dang it, i am determined to give myself some grace. i have got to loosen the necktie a bit. let the hair down. i know it might seem like i’m totally carefree and whatever – i’m here to confess to you that i truly need to give myself some more grace. grace when i’m three minutes late, grace when i eat something a bit “off brand,” grace when i don’t feel like getting ready in the morning, grace when the outfit of the day is sweats, grace when one of the kids doesn’t like the dinner i made, grace when i’m having a hard time clearly seeing the vision and i’m confused, ready to quit… just some more grace in basically every situation.

i’m gonna go ahead and assume you could use some more self-gifted grace, too. because guess what – i’m a human and so are you. and we’re gonna make mistakes. we’re here on this big blue and green rock, spinning around, semi-blindly wandering through life just like everyone else – the least we can do is make it a little easier on ourselves if at all possible.

i challenge you to letting yourself off the hook a little this week – what’s that gonna look like? and better yet, how are you gonna feel next Friday when you’ve gone a little easier on yourself for Seven. Days. Straight?!??

♥, SF