Uncategorized – Sarah Faith

new year, better me

i saw this saying the other day somewhere in social media land and it resonated with me a whole lot. it’s not a new me. it’s a better me. a stronger me, a me with better habits, a more faithful me, a more grounded me, a more surrendered me… a clearer vision, more boldness, more prayer, and more action.

what does a new year do for you? does it make you anxious? excited? does it spring you into action or hold you in place? does it pump you up or grieve you? do you find yourself looking forward or backward?

pro tip – as much as it’s possible, try not to look back. you’re not headed there. you have to find a way to get a forward-oriented direction.

this year, God gave me the word “go” as my 2025 “theme” so to speak. i had it on my to-do list to make a vision board. honestly, i made one for the first time last year and i’m not sure i’ll do it again. i do have a master plan i will be creating that guides me monthly and quarterly, but i’m not sure about the vision board concept. i know that might sound weird – i know they say visualization is key. we’ll see if i create one or not — check back with me in a week or so and ask me if i ever ended up doing it. haha

i was on a call with my mastermind group and we were talking about words for the year — when it came to be my turn, i honestly didn’t feel like i had a word at first, but i was encouraged to just let the first word the came to mind, come forward and have weight. it was “go.” when i said it out loud, my mentor said, “yes, Sarah. the word i felt and heard for you was ‘execute’.” that’s what “go” means for me this year – this is the year i take bold action, bolder than before, more grounded, steadfast, rooted action. this is the year that i move, create, and trust that i’ve got everything i need to create the visions and dreams placed inside of me. i’m lacking nothing. i need no permission, special skills, or special abilities. i’ve got what i need and it’s time to go.

if it serves you to think that a new year must mean a new you, then by all means, go with that, but i would also love to encourage you to not feel the need to buy into that. you don’t have to be a new you. maybe you just need to be a more focused you, a more disciplined you, a you with better habits than last year, a you that doesn’t listen to fear or that inner critic as much. a you that gives up the excuses and does the dang thing. a you that doesn’t listen to the judgments and nay-saying of others as much. a you that doesn’t put stock in your limiting beliefs and those thoughts that keep holding you back. maybe you just need a better morning routine. maybe you just need better friends. maybe it’s better boundaries. nothing inherently new – just better. don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be this new shiny creation – you were fearfully and wonderfully made. no need to reinvent the wheel. maybe just a couple improvements here or there is all that’s in your way.

i don’t know if that helps you at all today, but i hope it does. i don’t know who it’s for… maybe it’s you. maybe you just need permission to shed the weight of the expectations, whether outer or inner, and just be free to still be you, and maybe your 2.0 version isn’t as heavy as you’re making it. maybe what actually needs to happen is less… less expectations, less self-judgment, less demand to live up to this proverbial hype… and permission to just be. be exactly what and who you were created to be, not what you think will satisfy some undefined standard this world told you to try and live up to.

i wish you the best in everything. happiness, love, life, family, fulfillment… and oftentimes we think that means we need more, when really, we actually need less. maybe less is more is truly what makes more better.

♥

a new record

well. i didn’t really know what else to title this… nothing cryptic, no keeping the cat in the bag…. but we’re working on another record.

a few months ago, it was very clear to me that it was time for me to lay music down and i cancelled all of the live performances on my calendar. to be honest with you, i’m not still not quite sure how i did that. i was texting through tears the entire time. it made no sense to me how i could so clearly feel in my gut that this was the right thing to do. but i just knew it’s what had to be done. i knew it was time.

at the time, i had zero motivation to play one note on a guitar. not a single bit of inspiration coursed through my veins. i hadn’t recorded a note in months, probably not since i released Come Alive… i thought it was gone. i mean, i really thought…. “good goin’, kid. you taught yourself another useless skill…” after all, that’s sometimes what it feels like to have built a photography business in Michigan for five years only to shut it down completely for music. just meandering along, teaching myself random skills that i later abandon for unknown reasons…

i can really be a jerk to myself sometimes… i’m working on it.

a few weeks ago… another nudge. i started getting weird sporadic inspiration for songs, verses and choruses and chord progressions started coming randomly into my mind. i’d be doing something like laundry or taking a walk and another song would make its way into my mind… i think i probably ignored it at first because even if i did flesh out the entire song, i didn’t know what the heck i would do with it.

finally i had enough… the ideas wouldn’t leave me alone. so i started writing a couple of them in my Google Docs like i’ve always done — “idea” with the date. a few of them just stuck in my head, bouncing around and around, almost begging me to write them. eventually, the sentiment came… “write another record.” what? where is this coming from…?

“write another record, Sarah. write a Christian blues rock record.” such a clear direction. pretty hard to ignore. and crazy sounding, might i add… how on Earth am i gonna make THAT!? (from the heart… that’s how…)

so i’ve been diving in. that’s the news. i’m making another record. and it dives harder into blues, rock, some jazz and funk, more guitar, more instruments than i’ve ever experimented with… but i’m very excited to see what comes from this. i’m writing it with my buddy Josh Tobias, which, if you haven’t heard his stuff, i’d love for you to go take a listen. dude is mega talented. i’ve written some of my most favorite songs with Josh — it’s been really fun inviting him into this project.

fun short story on that: i told him i felt compelled to write another record and felt pretty strongly that he was supposed to be writing this with me. his immediate response was, “i’m in. say when.” turns out, he’s apparently been wanting to write something like this for a while so being asked to be part of this is hopefully as much of a gift to him as it is to me.

i think you’re gonna like this stuff. i know i say that every time, but if you’ve been following the evolution of my musicianship at all, this is going to be something i’m super proud of. there’s some killer emotions, themes, sentiments, and inspiration being collected and fleshed out for this one, and i’m hoping it’s going to inspire you in a bunch of ways.

i wanna write this record “in the gap” so to speak. i’m writing it for the person who’s going through it but knows there’s something more to life than their valleys. i’m not writing this from the top of the mountain. i’m not writing this about a life lived without trial or tribulation — that wouldn’t be a story i know anything about. i’m writing this for the person who, like me, finds themselves in some pretty desolate lows and knows relief is possible, but sometimes it seems like it’s far more common for others, or just out of reach. it’s for the person that needs something to hold on to and needs to figure out who this Jesus guy is because He might just be the last and only hope.

i won’t say much more right now… but i just wanted you to know. something’s coming, and i hope you’ll stick around and give it a listen.

♥, SF

kenzi.

August 3, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., Uncategorized

i’ll take you back to the beginning. it’s cathartic for me, and it’ll give you the full spectrum.

in late 2016, i got a call from my Grandma telling me my mother was sick and i needed to do something about it. the problem was i had spent my entire life trying to “do something about it” and the sickness wasn’t anything i could do anything about. in the simplest terms, my mother was drinking herself to death.

i was living in Michigan at the time and she was in Ohio. i had not seen her in years, which i wasn’t necessarily proud of, but the alcoholism was absolutely taking over her life and there was quite literally no place or space for me there. so i loved her from afar. until i was called in, so i went.

it was only a short two hour drive from my door to hers, and i left almost immediately. when i got there, i saw a mother i hardly recognized living alone after losing her husband to cancer, withered to no more than 70 pounds, helplessly trying to ride it out. i don’t even know what her plan was… i asked her if she wanted to live and she told me yes, but her habits told me otherwise.

i remember asking her what i could do for her. i told her what i really wanted was to take her to the hospital and get some real help, but she refused. we made a deal: i would take the dog that wouldn’t stop barking and annoying her and peeing all over the floor (aka… asking to go outside, not being let outside, so relieving herself in the house…) and she would get her things together over the next week so that i could come back and take her to get some help.

i’ll save the rest of my mom’s addiction story for another day – i took the dog that night and she was mine from that day forward.

the dog i took in that night was not the dog i came to know and love. on day one, she was 48 pounds, eating the worst dog food imaginable, hardly able to walk without panting, filthy, ear infections, urinary tract infection, and i would learn within just a short week or two, a large collection of bladder stones and crystals. this girl was a wreck. a sweet, wagging wreck.

the first thing i did was take her for a walk. she made it the length of one block before laying in the middle of the street, unable to continue any further. the water i bathed her in was brown within seconds. she wreaked of smoke and all things stinky dog. she certainly was a project.

when i tell you this girl was a “human dog,” i truly mean… she couldn’t have cared less about other dogs. she didn’t hate them, she just didn’t care. she loved humans, and for whatever reason, she really, really loved me. sometimes i’d think it was because she thought i was my mom, but whatever the case, Kenzi (renamed Kenzi after the church i used to attend in Michigan, Kensington…. because her original name was Windy… which seemed more like a bodily function call out than a dog name to me. so i changed it…) didn’t care to be anywhere i wasn’t. she’d whine, bark, cry, run, hobble, climb… do anything possible to get to where i was. i have to admit, it was wildly annoying at times, because she was completely inconsolable even in times when it wasn’t even possible to be together…

she also had ACL surgery somewhere in these seven years. the only thing Kenzi loved comparably to humans was racquetballs. i can’t tell you this dog was particularly athletic, but when it came to chasing racquetballs, she could really turn on the turbo! one day we were at the dog park and i routinely tossed a racquetball for her… she chased it… she yelped…. she limped…. and then she would not put weight on her back foot whatsoever – a completely torn ACL and an $8K bill to fix it. i think anyway… this dog was so expensive, sometimes i lose track of what it all costed. probably because i didn’t really care… it’s not like i’ve ever been rolling in money. i just didn’t think twice – she needed the surgery and i paid the bill.

i knew Kenzi was declining. it’s likely she was battling liver disease of some sort, cancer or some sort, and arthritis all over… she had good days and bad days, but her walking kept getting progressively worse and worse and i knew the day was going to come soon. she fell down a complete set of stairs a few months ago, which was really hard to swallow. i kept telling her, “you just tell me when you’re ready, and we’ll be done.” i kept seeing the time come sooner and sooner every time i looked in her eyes. every day kept getting harder and harder, every meal kept needing more and more coaxing, every bathroom break required carrying to the yard…

i had a phone call with my good friend and vet… thank God for meeting this human. truly. she said two things that made me realize we were at the crossroads. 1) “is she having more good days than bad days?” to which i did not have to hesitate – the answer was no. 2) “i’d rather put a dog down a month too soon than a week too late,” and i knew we were teetering right there in that butter zone… so i knew i had to make the decision.

even though i saw the signs. even though i knew it was coming. i still wasn’t ready. i could never be ready for the actual day or the actual moment. i’m grateful for every minute i got to spend with Kenzi. she was with me through a lot of stuff – she just laid and comforted and snored and made me laugh and clumsily walked her way right into my heart from the very first day i met her. but it was time to let her go. and i just wasn’t ready.

i thought it would be easier because almost exactly three years ago, i love Cooper. but it wasn’t. i thought it would be easier because she wasn’t “technically” mine… but it wasn’t. i thought that knowing it was time for her would make it easier, but it didn’t. i miss her. but i know to my core we made the right choice. but i still miss her.

i used to think it was odd that dogs so easily become part of the family. but now i get it. we don’t deserve them – the way they love us so unconditionally. the way they teach us to try and do the same. i’ve got no one to blame but myself for not figuring it out. Kenzi was so good at it – i really learned a lot from that dog. the way she couldn’t hold a grudge even if she tried. the way she was excited every. single. time. i came home, regardless of whether it had been 2 minutes, 2 hours, or 2 days. she just couldn’t get enough of hanging out, palling around, exploring, cuddling, just spending time together. to the world you might be one person, but to your dog… you’re their whole world.

U-Turn

Story Time: i was in my car headed to Nashville on Tuesday morning. just like i do most Tuesday mornings because there’s a women’s bible study that i’ve been participating in since probably January or February.

my car needed gas because i would have never made it to Nashville on the 23 miles left in the tank, and as i pulled over in the right lane to turn into the gas station, i heard a Very Clear message in my mind, heart, soul, spirit…. “get gas and go home.”

what…? are you serious? but i’m going to bible study. isn’t that what i’m supposed to be doing? but it was so clear, i cannot even explain it.

“don’t go. get gas and go home.”

so that’s what i did. that’s exactly what i did. i didn’t fight it. i didn’t understand it – i did NOT understand it. i still don’t. sitting here on my front porch writing this, i still am not quite sure that i understand what the heck it was all about, but i really feel like i’m getting to a place where i don’t have to understand it.

i don’t have to understand why He’s leading me in the way that He is, but i’m not gonna stay in the business of asking why. it’s very human to want to understand the plan, know the path, know where it’s leading… but we’re not promised that. we were never told that He was going to reveal the goal to us – matter of fact, people that claim to know exACTly where they’re ultimately going are usually deceived.

here’s something scary to write: i have no idea where i am going. and i can feel Him shifting. moving. inspiring. introducing new possibilities. opening my eyes to a BUNCH of things. and a lot of it makes Absolutely Zero Sense.

and that HAS to be ok. that has GOT to be ok.

the more i fight it, the more upset i get… because guess what?! He’s not gonna quit moving in His way. He’s not gonna change His mind. He will just keep shifting me, refining me, sharpening me, until me “want to” aligns with the “want to” He has for me.

so i made the U-Turn. i got gas. i got in my car. and i went back home. i couldn’t explain it – it was a really weird re-entry into the house after i had just told Matthew i would see him in a few hours. but oh well. i just… listened. that’s all. it was that simple.

i died to myself. a lot of me wanted to push through and still go to the bible study. but for reasons i may never be able to articulate, my spirit wasn’t signing off on that. and it wasn’t budging. i asked “what?” like… eight times. no change. no budge. no sway. just kept saying “don’t go.”

and what happened after that? was i worried about what people were gonna think? no. i wasn’t. i had this overwhelming PEACE and all i had to do was LISTEN. all i had to do was just NOT DO WHATEVER I WANTED and listen to my soul gently telling me to reconsider.

that’s what i’m after. i’m relentlessly pursuing that peace. that’s how i know i’m on the right track. inner peace. outer conflict, sure, whatever, but the inner peace is undeniable.

try it. i’m dying to know what you think and how you feel when you listen to that still small voice, whether it makes sense or not.

i also wanna know – are you one of those people that HAS to have stuff make sense? how are you working to break out of that need? i’m working on it, too.

our wedding story

once upon a time, a boy messaged a girl on Instagram about songwriter’s rounds in Nashville, she responded, and now we’re here…

OBVIOUSLY that’s extremely abbreviated, so lemme give you a few more details…

when Matthew had proposed in February (the day AFTER Valentine’s Day because ON Valentine’s Day would’ve been too cheesy, and he didn’t want to be cheesy), we knew we didn’t really want a long engagement. there were a couple reasons for this:
• Matthew would melt in a mid-summer occasion
• we’ve been talking about marriage basically since day one so why wait?
• we like to make things interesting…

so we decided to look at the calendar, skirt around baseball tournaments if at all possible, and make a choice.

i’ll admit, i did have a little bit of thought on the date because the day we started this whole thing was 12.1.21 and i think that’s kinda neat. so i thought 4.27.24 would be a cool wedding date / anniversary… never mind that it would mean planning a wedding in about 70ish days…. i left that part up to Jesus because an April wedding sounded good to us. and we sent up a double prayer for weather.

venue wise, we didn’t really have a clue where to start. we had considered somewhere local, but didn’t necessarily know of anything too picturesque, didn’t wanna spend $10K, and didn’t need anything too fancy… we’re super simple people and we wanted our wedding to reflect that.

in Tennessee, there are soooo many beautiful places, but lots of them are 3-4 hours away from where we live. that didn’t sound all that appealing… so i started looking for mountain-esque things which led me down a path toward a place called The Leeric Lodge… the views on this place… holyyyyyyy moly… and it wasn’t 4 hours away. i had no reason to believe they would have our date available on such short notice, but when i found out they did, i was pretty dang excited. we needed to work a few details out with them based on our tiny ceremony, but it all ended up getting sorted – than you, Jesus!

we stayed in an AirBnb not far from the venue with EVERYONE in the same house – Matthew and me, his parents and step parents, his sister + brother-in-law with their brand new baby, my parents, and our kids. it was DEFINITELY a house full and required some air mattresses, but it was honestly the best time, and i couldn’t have imagined a more perfect arrangement.

after the wedding, (for which we were granted absolutely PERFECT weather!!!), we opted for a family dinner in town before spending our last night in the AirBnb before loading everyone up in the morning and heading back home to Clarksville.

we decided to have our reception the following day, Sunday, at The Amsterdam Local where all our friends would be able to celebrate with us. We had a whole Table -Sized charcuterie spread, the most beautiful cake, mini bundt cakes, macarons, and lotssss of community. just really simple.

there were definitely a lot of hands-on details for this whole thing, but honestly, i don’t think we could have dreamed it any better. the biggest takeaways for the whole weekend is we are: 1) grateful for every single human that came to celebrate with us 2) unbelievably grateful for the weather and 3) sooo glad we kept it soooooo simple.

being a part of this family is such a blessing, and there’s no way to create a wedding day that encapsulates all the blessings this marriage will grow into and bring us in the years and years to come. so if there was any advice to give to anyone in a similar situation, i’d definitely say: keep your ceremony to the Absolute Must-Have VIP people, invite your close-to-the-vest circle to your reception, do it all really small and beautiful, and allow yourselves to really celebrate what God is going in the midst of the whole thing. don’t get too caught up in the details of one specific day because at the end of the day, you’re still going to be married. the details will be nothing but things you spent money on to a certain extent. make it count.

HUGE Thank You to:
– Leeric Lodge
– “The Hoot” AirBnb in Silver Point
– BHLDN Bridal (dress)
– Alterations by Hanna (amazziinnggg)
– Briggs Clothiers (custom suit)
– The Amsterdam Local ♥
– Kristen Paige Photography (THANK YOU!!!!!)
– Ellie Beans Cakes (yummmmm)
– Thistle Sweets
– Nothing Bundt Cakes
– Snap Dragon Wagon!!! (Jen…. don’t even get me started)
– Jesus for thinking putting us together was a good idea
– our families for driving all over the country for us
– our friends for loving us, supporting us, and celebrating with us

“‘Til the End, Forever + Again” ♥

carrying stuff

it’s been a week, y’all. for real. it’s not been particularly physically demanding, but mentally, it’s been a great week of growth and introspection.

do you ever allow yourself a minute to just be introspective? if not, let this be your sign. some of my biggest moments of self-growth have been when i’m calling myself out, holding my own feet to the fire, and examining my own character to see if i’m actually being the person i’m meant to be.

let me be clear – my inner dialogue hijacked by the Holy Spirit is really what does the refining here. if it were up to me, i would just probably continue being a normal human that tries her best, but ultimately just kind of does whatever the heck she wants. this week, Spirit said no. Spirit said all those cobwebs i’ve been allowing to sit in the corner and all the dust i’ve been allowing to collect all gotta go.

so they’re going. it’s a radical accountability i’ve not really pushed myself to have until now. i think that just comes with time, and in no way am i trying to speak to you like i’m an expert, but… as someone that feels compelled to write about these things, i’m simply sharing what’s on my heart around this subject.

your conscience is calling you higher, but that doesn’t make it so. you gotta do the work. so i’m doing the work. i monitor what comes out of my mouth. i watch the friendships i’m nourishing. i watch the kinds of relationships i’m pursuing. i’m conscious about how i’m talking about and building my brand partnership. i’m weeding out songs in my set list that don’t necessarily reflect that kinds of things i’d like to be singing about. it’s like… an all encompassing overhaul. and it’s hard. but. it needed to be done.

in what ways do you feel yourself pulled? better yet, in what ways do you feel yourself frustrated…? because for me… that’s also sometimes where it ACTUALLY starts. it’s not necessarily me with all this wisdom, sitting around like, “oh… i think i should change this now…” i feel the misalignment. i feel the nudge. and it feels frustrating. and i know THAT’S the point of growth.

i titled this blog Carrying Stuff because it’s not until this growth happens that you’ll be able to carry more. it feels heavy… but you have to learn how to lift it. the only way you’re going to be able to lift it… is if you’re forced to. because Lord knows i’m not trying to be around here adding extra weight ot my plate. i’m thankful for the growth. i’m thankful for the opportunity. and i’m thankful for the growing pains. because i know they only mean that i’m on my way to being trusted with lifting more things, being responsible for more things, able to steward more things.

it’s a blessing to be a blessing – that’s the real fact. and we’re blessed to be able to be forged in this fire.

kinda deep-ish this time around… hope it helped you today ♥

retaliation

May 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., Uncategorized

confidence, confidence building, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental health blog, mental health for women, Mental health tips for musicians, mental peace strategies, mindset

i’m not sure if you know this about me but i was a collegiate athlete. don’t go Googling my stats or whatever – it’s nothing impressive, but i played soccer for a huge chunk of my life. freaking love that game.

wanna know one of the biggest life lessons i learned from that game? here it is…

usually the person who gets in trouble isn’t the initial offender. it’s the one who retaliates. it’s the one who lets their anger get the best of them and lashes out. they get the call. they get caught. they do the time.

i’ve had my share of times on both sides of that coin. i’ve been the girl committing the fouls that doesn’t get caught. i’ve been the girl who’s so irritated with someone’s repeated lashings that i return the favor. so i definitely know from experience… i’ve been caught WAY more times in the latter than the former. it’s not the instigator that collects the cards on the field, and i’ll be danged if that’s not the case in life as well.

now…. i’m just gonna be honest for a second – doesn’t that just tick you off?!?! because i know it does me. sometimes i’m so convinced that i need to serve justice that i’m about one breath away from giving someone all of the pieces of my mind. not just one of them. but that ain’t it, people.

it’s hard. it’s like one of the hardest things i’ve ever tried to learn how to do. but it’s a necessary skill. people are wild. people are delusional. they’re entitled. their opinions and ways of life are vastly different than our own. and they’re pretty good at telling you allllll about it. they think they know you when they don’t have a clue. whatever the case may be… they’re digging their own graves just fine without our help.

i learned a long time ago, too, from all of my dealings with my mother and her addictions – you will never be able to reason with unreasonable people. it just never sinks in. their thought patterns don’t fire on the same cylinders, they can’t see the same reality, and their glasses are always a deluded shade of rose. they see things in their own way and there’s really nothing we can do to change that. besides not retaliate. that’s the main goal – whatever you do…. don’t. retaliate.

what dirt does someone really have on a non-reactionary human? unless they make it up entirely, the correct answer should be none. i mean, sure, some people have made some lies up about me, but that’s on them. i know it’s not the truth – therefore, they have nothing on me. go ahead and fabricate all you want, but you’re not going to take some reaction i say out of context and paint me in any one-sided light…. because there’s no reaction. there’s nothing to judge. there’s nothing to twist.

at the end of the day we’re all just people doing the best we can. i truly believe that. it’s tempting to think otherwise because it’s such a wild world, but we’re all troubled in our own regard i guess. some more than others, and i’m certainly not the least of the bunch.

here’s my challenge to you this week – when you’re tempted to react… don’t. in traffic. in the parking lot. when someone says something you can’t stand. just… don’t. honestly, i’m telling you – this is just like the point of forgiveness… it’s more for you than for them. protecting our own mental space is the only thing we really have control over, and you’ll be doing yourself a HUGE favor if you can just…. leave it. let it be. let them do whatever, say whatever, be whatever and just… don’t. <3

the horse just loves to run

i listened to Cody Asbury’s new album in the car this morning and i found myself getting really down with so many of the lyrics but one of them stuck out to me more than others:

“the jockey lives for racing, the horse just loves to run”

you could probably take these words a number of ways, but here’s my interpretation – i get excited about racing just like any human, but what i really wanna be like is the horse. win or lose, i just want to love to run. i want to have my blinders on and be so excited about where i’m going that i don’t have to care about the interpretation of the result. i don’t even have to worry about winning or not because to enjoy the journey is to win. the win or loss is subjective. how can you lose when you’re enjoying where you’re at, blooming where you’re planted? where’s the loss in that?

i don’t even want to worry about the finish line. i just want to be in the moment. running, doing, being, breathing, loving, enjoying, serving, giving – whatever it is that i need to do to run the race right now, that’s what i want to focus on. i’m not worried about the next lap. i’m not even worried about the next turn. i want “step by step” and “little by little” to be my largest concerns.

i think it’s when we are faithful with little that we are trusted with more. i think that we have to do the “little by little” first because running the entire race at once would be entirely overwhelming, not to mention the lack of sense it makes. people, we have to live one moment, one minute at a time, because we literally cannot live in two minutes at once. that’s as “nuts and bolts” as we can get… it can’t be about the next moment until we finish this one. and we also don’t get to be mad at time for passing so quickly if all we’re going to do is wish for the next chapter.

have you ever tried to read the instructions on how to build something or the entire recipe on how to cook something and realize that trying to memorize all the steps 1-10 at once is pretty impossible…? sometimes i get ahead of myself and think that i’m going to be able to follow like… four steps at once. and i’m always wrong. that never works. and the same is true for whatever path we’re on. there’s directions, but sometimes it’s as simple as, “run.” are you looking for something more complicated than that? do you think you need more information than that? sometimes we don’t get more information than that. no further instructions, no reasons why, and it doesn’t make any sense to us.

for example. i fired this blog back up about 12 weeks ago or so… i still don’t know why. you reading this right now is definitely part of the reason, but beyond that, i’m not really sure. maybe it’s not deeper than that. but i keep feeling compelled to write it. so here i am writing. and dang it, i am loving it. if there’s no further purpose, then ok, because the horse just loves to run.

i hope i allow that sentiment to bleed over into whatever i’m doing. and i hope you do to. i hope not everything you do today or this week “needs” a purpose, so to speak. i hope you can find a way to do something just because you love it. just because you’re a human who gets to breathe air into your lungs and do things for the enjoyment of being alive. not because it gains you anything, not because it “moves the needle” or whatever. just because you can. these are little moments in life that i believe we could use a lot more of.

in what ways can you just “love to run” in your life today?

in your gut

you know how there’s just some things you feel in your gut? sometimes you don’t really have the words to explain it, you wouldn’t know how to articulate it if you tried – you just know. you don’t even really know how you know or why you know. you just do.

and when you go against your gut and find out you were right in the first place, you feel like you should have trusted yourself all along. on the flipside, when you stick to your guns and keep going in the direction you know is right, popular or not, and it pays off, there’s this unbelievable sense of “gosh, i just knew it all along…”

there’s a ton of confidence to be built here. but you have to be careful. because the mind is a tricky beast. it’ll tell you you’re right to the end of this earth, but that doesn’t make it so. my favorite is when my brain tells me i “deserve” this or “deserve” to feel this way – that should be a red flag. well-grounded desires are not founded on whether or not we “deserve” this or that – that’s just our own ego and self-righteous nature.

i just gotta make a note here. because i heard something in a conversation yesterday with a friend and it was spot on – there’s a point in your conscience where you’re asked to delineate between what’s “right” and what’s “almost right.” there’s a ton of character to be built here. a lot of times what seems “almost right” is really just self-seeking and ultimately “pretty good” but maybe not great. those things you “wish you could have,” or those shoes you probably shouldn’t buy, but you justify anyway. that’s not the “go with your gut” i’m talking about. there’s nothing to be built from consistently choosing what’s “almost right.” there’s nothing to be gained from choosing the path you claim is being paved for you, when it’s really just what’s most convenient for you. the path where we see that we stand to gain the most isn’t always the right choice. that’s just us being humans, being solely concerned with controlling our circumstances, keeping up with the Joneses, looking for ways to obtain the shiny things.

you know you’re getting in your own way when you need your side of the story. you know you’re straying from center when there’s a “version” – there is no “my truth” – there’s just… truth. period.

a big part of anything you could call “confidence” in me is because of trusting my gut, if that’s what you want to call it. not always trusting “the best outcome for me,” or “where i gain the most.” but what’s really right… morally, ethically, etc. too often what we “wish” was right and what’s actually right are two different things. i don’t call it gut or intuition or any of that really – i know what’s leading me. or more importantly Who is leading me. and it really takes that whole mystery aspect out of the gut instinct altogether. does this “gut feeling” ultimately benefit me the most? am i twisting things to make it look like the best option? the “right” path isn’t going to have you acting in any other way besides 100% truthful, with nothing to prove and nothing to explain for ourselves. it doesn’t involve throwing anyone under the bus. you’ll never have to make someone look bad so you look better. it doesn’t require us to go above and beyond and make sure people know our side, and it doesn’t require some gray area justification or interpretation of the rules.

you know. you’ll always know. you can feel it. when something isn’t quite right about something or someone, you just know. when you’re justifying your “left of center” temptation to yourself, you just know. there are people that i can sit with and wonder why i have this unexplainable palpitation in my chest, and not in a good way. these are not people i try to spend a whole lot of time around – i try to avoid it altogether if i can. my spirit knows, and i bet yours does too.

i’m not sure if this is resonating with anyone today, but i sure hope it is. you need to know the power you have in your own body, mind, and the directions you’re being nudged. the appeal of what you want to happen may be great, but the reality of what you need and the feeling of keeping your conscience clean is greater. you need to know that you’re smarter, more capable, more aware than you think. trust yourself. trust that inner voice. sometimes something can be “marketing” as one thing, but it’s not really that hard to see through the crap when you trust yourself.

there’s probably a lot more you’re doing right than you’re giving yourself credit for if you’re operating in your life with a good, clean heart and honest intentions – not the ones that seek ways to serve yourself first above all else. that’s why when something seems a little “off” about someone, you feel it in your chest. that’s why no matter how hard you try to fight it, at the end of the day, your inner being just knows that it’s not going to work. you also need to know it’s not your job to make it work. it’s not your job to expose, prove, call out, change, fix, or power through. you’re not responsible for that. that’s called boundaries, and there’s a ton of confidence to be built there, too.

boundaries help us keep our own lawn clean. we don’t have control over too many things in this world, but we do have a good bit of government over our “space.” our “bubble” so to speak is completely under our jurisdiction. who comes in, who stays, for how long, what we allow to change our atmosphere – we get to call the shots on these things, and when we do a crappy job of governing our own space, our spirit knows it. i’m guilty of trying to be a peacemaker and letting my boundaries slack so someone else’s feelings don’t get hurt. wanna know who always ends up with the short end of that stick? me. every single time. and i’ve learned that it’s really not worth it. when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. but don’t be afraid to put your own judgments on trial, too – because SHOCKER – sometimes your conscience is WRONG!!! sometimes it falls into that “almost right” category – examine it! test it!

at the end of the day it’s really not worth trying to appease someone else at my own expense. and it’s not “unChristian” to act this way. protecting our own space is one of the best things we can do because it allows us to be mentally available for the things we’re actually responsible for instead of cleaning up the mess someone else came in and crapped all over our floor.

three things i wanna leave you with in this post – trust your gut, challenge your selfish human nature, and work on building stronger boundaries. i’d love to know your thoughts about how you think these things might impact your mental space. do you need to make improvements in these areas?

contentment

// con-tent-ment // : (n) the state of being happy or satisfied; the acceptance of things “as they are.”

full disclosure, i struggle on and off with this. i’m feeling moved to write about it, but i myself do wrestle with it.

something about the way society keeps making “more” look like it equates to “better.” something about the way i keep desiring, keep wanting, keep looking, scouting, hoping, wishing… makes it pretty hard to feel content when i can’t seem to keep my eyes from wandering everywhere else but the path in front of me.

i think i’ve also got this silly belief that “contentment” means “giving up” or “losing hope” or “get what you get and don’t throw a fit.”

but i think those definitions are sorely mistaken. that kind of contentment assumes it’s never gonna get any better than this, so you might as well get used to it. which is actually really sad.

i don’t actually want to carry around those lifeless, hopeless definitions of contentment anymore, so i’m going to ~~put~~ keep trying to put them down (and leave them there… because i seem to somehow keep picking them back up…). if you’re feeling yourself carrying anything similar, i invite you to put it down with me. i desire for us to find more mental peace, and the more we keep assuming that we have to strive in order be happy, the less of that peace i believe we’re going to find. we’re also not super likely to find peace in the thoughts that we’re “settling for less” or that we’re “damaged goods” that don’t deserve what we’re dreaming of.

truly, if we’re responsible and content with what we’ve currently got, there’s no reason we wouldn’t in the future be entrusted with more. it’s being content with what i have in the here and now that i know i’ve gotta keep working on. the ability to steward properly the things i’m currently holding in my hand. focusing on my ability to be grateful for all of this good stuff i’m to blessed to have – that’s when the blessings come. the blessings multiply. and i believe a really good first step is contentment in your present circumstances and situation.

sometimes that’s really hard, because sometimes the current stuff we’re going through is just not that pretty. it’s not fun, it’s not easy, and we’re ready to be done with this valley season. to that i say – the valleys mean peaks are on the way. the lows help us appreciate the highs, and there’s still a good amount of contentment to be found in that. even when we don’t feel like smiling. even when the “oh, it’ll be over soon…” is like, the most annoying thing someone could possibly be saying… it’s worth trying to take a second, take a breath, and find a mini moment of contentment. it will pass, and when the next person you know is going through their own personal valley, they’ll have someone to lean on who’s living proof that even the darkest of nights have a glimmer of hope at the end.

i’ll doubly admit – contentment is definitely something i’m always working towards. but. maybe by sharing this, i’ll help you feel less alone if it’s one of your battles too. and i’ll find some accountability partners along the way.

♥, SF

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