self talk – Sarah Faith

the horse just loves to run

i listened to Cody Asbury’s new album in the car this morning and i found myself getting really down with so many of the lyrics but one of them stuck out to me more than others:

“the jockey lives for racing, the horse just loves to run”

you could probably take these words a number of ways, but here’s my interpretation – i get excited about racing just like any human, but what i really wanna be like is the horse. win or lose, i just want to love to run. i want to have my blinders on and be so excited about where i’m going that i don’t have to care about the interpretation of the result. i don’t even have to worry about winning or not because to enjoy the journey is to win. the win or loss is subjective. how can you lose when you’re enjoying where you’re at, blooming where you’re planted? where’s the loss in that?

i don’t even want to worry about the finish line. i just want to be in the moment. running, doing, being, breathing, loving, enjoying, serving, giving – whatever it is that i need to do to run the race right now, that’s what i want to focus on. i’m not worried about the next lap. i’m not even worried about the next turn. i want “step by step” and “little by little” to be my largest concerns.

i think it’s when we are faithful with little that we are trusted with more. i think that we have to do the “little by little” first because running the entire race at once would be entirely overwhelming, not to mention the lack of sense it makes. people, we have to live one moment, one minute at a time, because we literally cannot live in two minutes at once. that’s as “nuts and bolts” as we can get… it can’t be about the next moment until we finish this one. and we also don’t get to be mad at time for passing so quickly if all we’re going to do is wish for the next chapter.

have you ever tried to read the instructions on how to build something or the entire recipe on how to cook something and realize that trying to memorize all the steps 1-10 at once is pretty impossible…? sometimes i get ahead of myself and think that i’m going to be able to follow like… four steps at once. and i’m always wrong. that never works. and the same is true for whatever path we’re on. there’s directions, but sometimes it’s as simple as, “run.” are you looking for something more complicated than that? do you think you need more information than that? sometimes we don’t get more information than that. no further instructions, no reasons why, and it doesn’t make any sense to us.

for example. i fired this blog back up about 12 weeks ago or so… i still don’t know why. you reading this right now is definitely part of the reason, but beyond that, i’m not really sure. maybe it’s not deeper than that. but i keep feeling compelled to write it. so here i am writing. and dang it, i am loving it. if there’s no further purpose, then ok, because the horse just loves to run.

i hope i allow that sentiment to bleed over into whatever i’m doing. and i hope you do to. i hope not everything you do today or this week “needs” a purpose, so to speak. i hope you can find a way to do something just because you love it. just because you’re a human who gets to breathe air into your lungs and do things for the enjoyment of being alive. not because it gains you anything, not because it “moves the needle” or whatever. just because you can. these are little moments in life that i believe we could use a lot more of.

in what ways can you just “love to run” in your life today?

what does it matter

I’ve been wrestling with this question a lot lately. What does any of it matter?

The world tells us that WE matter, ourselves, taking care of A Number One, me, me, me, me, me, and it’s exhausting. More stuff. More this. More that. More money. Gotta do this, gotta be that, gotta have this thing if you want to be considered part of the “in” crowd. It kind of feels like some crap i used to deal with back in high school. And there’s really no difference then to now, because i didn’t fit in then either.

I was part of the “quality over quantity” friend group aka furthest thing from “popular” that exists – there were maybe 5-10 of us. And we were all in choir. or band. Mega Nerd Alert. And i couldn’t get myself to fit in if i tried – i was into plaid pants, some with chains, some without, red and black everything, fishnet shirts, studded belts, studded bracelets, hats with flames on them… good old fashioned punk goth chick. Lord help me if i ever try and replicate any of that now – sure, my main wardrobe color is black, but i can do without all the metal accessories and flames.

Now that i’m older, i think deep down i still want to believe in quality over quantity, but i just feel like that’s so counter cultural. Everything is more. I’ll be happy when… when i get this, when i make that, when my bank account looks such, when i’m driving X car. And it honestly makes me feel like i missed the boat somewhere. Or that i’m dumb for not being able to figure it out by now. Where did i go wrong? I’m not ungrateful for what i have, i understand that there are people far less fortunate than me, but there are also people that would almost consider it a failure to not be a millionaire by age 30, driving the car of your dreams, living in some seriously fancy digs in a choice neighborhood. Things i desire? Maybe. Things i have? Not quite.

Truthfully, i’ve been gainfully unemployable for well over ten years. I started a photography and videography company back in Michigan way back when after getting out of what i thought was my dream job in college sports followed by my other dream job in graphic design – neither one of them being my dream job, clearly. So i decided to be my own boss. I don’t really think it was ever the work that i was doing that was the problem. It was the people. And it’s not that i don’t play well with others… it’s that i don’t play well with others’ stupid rules. Admit it… Half the rules in corporate America are just dumb. There’s only “one way to do things,” and that was a really hard concept for my plaid-patterned, rebellious soul to grasp.

I still don’t grasp it. I don’t understand the “one way to” anything. Sometimes it makes my path for how things work or the purpose of my life a little more fuzzy because i can’t seem to base my journey on anyone else’s track record, but alas here i am. With an unbelievable pattern of going against the grain and no promise of that changing anytime soon.

More than anything, my brain keeps wrestling with the question: what’s it all for? What’s the purpose of chasing numbers, views, followers, money, influence – what do i gain out of all these “friends,” most of whom i’ll likely never meet…? And the speed at which i’m expected to get there… maybe some of that is self-imposed, because the comparison that results from these things is sometimes too much to even quantify… but if i had it my way some days, i’d have all the deepest desires of my heart to my exact specifications, and i’d have them tomorrow. Scratch that. Yesterday. Because society told me that when i get them, i’ll be happy. Or happier. I’m not sure exactly which.

On second thought… i’m actually pretty sure that none of that works out the way “they” tell us at all, and i can be just about as equally certain that it’s mostly the exact opposite. Sometimes i think “they” could a dash of wisdom.

All the time that i’ve spent chasing bigger, more, better… hasn’t actually yielded proportional happiness in any regard. There’s no real lasting joy at the end of that tunnel. It’s cool for a minute… but then you just want to do it again. But bigger. Which… don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to have desires and goals in life, but it’s also good to humble yourself every once in a while and ask yourself what’s actually going to last in this world…? What’s the purpose… if and when i got all those things i’m dreaming of, will i truly be happier? Will i be more fulfilled? Or, my favorite question of them all, which was prompted recently during my reading of To Hell With The Hustle by Jefferson Bethke (highly recommend, by the way…), “who am i becoming in the process?”

When we die, there’s a chance that someone will remember us for a generation or two, but then poof. You’re gone. Your name fades. It’s all gone. And nothing that you earned, nothing you have, none of that means a thing to anyone else once you’re gone. You can store up all of the possessions in the world, earn all the trophies, all the gold records, all the bling, everything you ever hoped for… and maybe your kids will fight over it when you go, but really, it’s all just “stuff” and a lot of it ends up in the dump. (i know that sounds harsh, but unfortunately i’m speaking from experience…) and the only thing that actually matters is who you became along the way.

When i’ve got more success on my mind, why do i want it? For my own glory? What’s the point in that? When i’m desiring more money, why is that a thing? So i can grow my bank account? Buy myself another pair of Doc Martens? Would that really make me cooler? Happier? More joyful? No. Quite likely not. May any of the growth i want or desire have a lot more to do with making the world i live in a better place than advancing my own personal kingdom. I like nice things just as much as the next girl, but all that shiny stuff fades, the excitement of your latest achievement dies, and we’re left with the relationships we created and how we treated others. What the heck would a killer music career or thriving business do for me if i had no one to share it with?

To this i say: Quality (of faith, relationships, and life) over quantity (of money and status and stuff).

It’s hard for me to want to spend precious time on this planet trying to prove my worth through earnings and things. By showing how much better i am than other people at anything. I just want to be a positive life force on this planet that proves that your circumstances don’t dictate your joy. Your faith does. Your soul does. Your ability to humble yourself, not take stuff so seriously, and look on the bright side every once in a while does. That hurrying up to get ahead may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. That there’s a lot more value and joy in spending time with people you love instead of shooing them away, lost somewhere in chasing social media trends and buying a bunch of unnecessary crap on Amazon.

Do i feel pressured to do so? Every single day. It is maddening. It is haunting. It is one of the hardest things for me in my current season because i don’t want to want it. I don’t want to look in the lane next to me, see someone achieving things that i’d also love for myself, and wish my life was different. I don’t want to wish i was further along. I don’t want to wish for more money, more influence, more business, more listeners, more view on my latest reel, more anything…. All so i can take pictures of it and have a better looking feed or highlight reel. But i sometimes do. Too often. Because i’m a human. And i do a lot of super annoying, dumb human-y things.

All i’m saying… is it’s ok to not want what “they” want or have. Who are “they,” anyway? Are “they” happier? Are “they” healthier? How’s their faith? How’s their family life? And if you’ve only seen it on Instagram, i bet objects in mirror aren’t quite what they appear. Give yourself a break, friend. And i’m speaking to myself here, too. Give yourself some dang grace. Write it in your journal. Say a prayer. And find some gratitude. Things are happening “for” you, not “to” you, and above all, it’s our responsibility to monitor our character and the person we are becoming in the process.

♥, SF

dear self,

October 7, 2020 by Sarah Faith

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choose your legacy, meaningful music, mental health, mindset, mindset work, self care, self empowerment, self help, self love, self talk

the first letter to me, from me.

you know, it’s ok to not be ok. we’re all humans and sometimes we just have days when we’re not 100%. you don’t have to beat yourself up about it.

you don’t have to take everyone else’s opinion so seriously. shit, you don’t owe a single second to their opinion if it doesn’t serve you. none of this is really up to them anyway.

maybe it would be fun to try thinking for one whole day that you were a fucking epic creation. maybe it wouldn’t feel like you were being cocky or self-centered. maybe it would feel like you were just actually being yourself for once. beautiful, loud, outlandish, creative, vibrant, a little crazy, full of joy and energy, just the way you were created to be. just a thought.

you’re going to make it. even if you were stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing left to your name but the shirt on your back and the shoes on your feet, you would figure out how to make it. what are you afraid of?

just because it doesn’t work out just like you think it should, doesn’t mean it’s not working. don’t you think it’s a little small minded to think that you have the master plan anyway? the master plan is controlled by someone much higher than you – no offense. you probably don’t want it to work out the way you planned anyway – there are much greater things in store. things you can’t even imagine. outcomes you never considered.

your dreams and aspirations are far from stupid, far from impossible, far from worthless. whatever visions were put in your head and heart are For you – chase them.

think back to a time when you were So Full of Joy, you could hardly contain yourself. do more of that.

resting isn’t for lazy people. it’s for smart people. running yourself to the ground seems like a great thing to do, until you’re actually in the ground, unable to move, unable to dream, unable to chase because you ran too hard. it’s a marathon; not a sprint.

there are trees, and rivers, and mountains, and sunrises, and sunsets, and oceans, and animals, and canyons, and a thousand other amazingly beautiful things in this earth. the same Creator that made all of that… also made You. don’t sell yourself short. you were made to fly and shine and be. you were made for this. whatever your “this” is…. whatever makes you feel like you’re the best version of yourself. that’s who you were created to be. don’t you dare put yourself in a small box. don’t you dare be afraid to take up all your space in this world. you’re the only you this planet has ever and will ever have.

♥,

SF

another [quarantined] thursday.

April 23, 2020 by Sarah Faith

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facebook live, instagram live, meaningful music, mental health, mindset, mindset work, negative thoughts, peeling back the layers, positive outlook, purpose driven, quarantine, self care, self talk

i put jeans on today (yes, you read that correctly…). i’m wearing a “real” shirt (classified as one that i wouldn’t usually sleep in, or let an animal sleep on). also, big winner here, i’m wearing makeup. imagine that! weird how this “put together” state i’m in happens rarely when i’ve got nowhere to go. does going to the kitchen for numerous snacks count…?

no, but really. i do go to the kitchen a lot….

great segue…. wanna know another place i’ve been going a lot this week? mentally down a rabbit hole. not always a negative rabbit hole…. so maybe that’s not the right word, but i’ve honestly felt like i’ve been on a roller coaster of thoughts. i wake up one day and i’m like “Wooo!!! i’m killing it!! this day is going to be great!!” and the next (sometimes the next hour… or minute), i’m like “shit. what the hell. this is awful. where is this even going? you’re not doing nearly enough.” anyone else? it’s like being on a pirate’s ship in the movies in the middle of one of those stupid storms with waves about 3x as tall as the ship you’re on, but then in the morning, some 3 hours later, having the brightest, most beautiful sunshine imaginable. that’s what this week has felt like.

if you’re with me, or you know what i’m talking about, can i get a “retweet” or a hand raised or head nod or whatever….. thank you very much!!!

*deep breath* (feel free to take one with me…) sometimes the only thing i can do in a weird moment like that is just breathe. because i know it’s just a season. a possibly one minute-long season. and in one of my conversations this week, a friend of mine told me, “you’ll only fail if you quit. and Sarah, you are so crystal clear on your purpose and your why, i know you won’t quit. so that means you won’t fail.” Ay. Freaking. Men. that’s it right there. (also, contemplating getting that tattooed some place. forehead would probably be best….thoughts…?)

that’s the truth though – i know that i’m not the only one who sometimes feels a little stuck or like things aren’t going like they should. things sometimes don’t feel like they’re “going how they should” but honestly, if you take the 30,000 foot view, everything’s just as it should be. it may mean a bit of a rainy season every now and then, but honestly, there have been some STORMS… and i mean…. tornado hurricane monsoon typhoon earthquake all at once, how am i getting out of this alive S T O R M S …. but i’m still standing. and sometimes my mind is full of overwhelm and doubt and fear and every other thing that makes me just want to cry. and then the storm passes. and the sun comes out. and i’m better for it.

just something to consider – what if we could take deep breaths and assure ourselves that sunshine is always in the forecast? maybe that would make stormy times easier to handle. *shrug* just a thought!

anyway, i’ll be using this message as fuel tonight (Thursday nights!!!) on my Instagram + Facebook LIVE “Peeling Back the Layers” Episode TWO!!!!! second week in a row, so stoked. hoping to get a few more viewers than last week, and i think it’s going to be a good time!! 8pm cdt // 9pm est. Instagram doesn’t have a live link, but Facebook does!! –> www.Facebook.com/sarahfaithmusic/live <– click there!!! see ya tonight!!

♥ SF