musician – Sarah Faith

new year, better me

i saw this saying the other day somewhere in social media land and it resonated with me a whole lot. it’s not a new me. it’s a better me. a stronger me, a me with better habits, a more faithful me, a more grounded me, a more surrendered me… a clearer vision, more boldness, more prayer, and more action.

what does a new year do for you? does it make you anxious? excited? does it spring you into action or hold you in place? does it pump you up or grieve you? do you find yourself looking forward or backward?

pro tip – as much as it’s possible, try not to look back. you’re not headed there. you have to find a way to get a forward-oriented direction.

this year, God gave me the word “go” as my 2025 “theme” so to speak. i had it on my to-do list to make a vision board. honestly, i made one for the first time last year and i’m not sure i’ll do it again. i do have a master plan i will be creating that guides me monthly and quarterly, but i’m not sure about the vision board concept. i know that might sound weird – i know they say visualization is key. we’ll see if i create one or not — check back with me in a week or so and ask me if i ever ended up doing it. haha

i was on a call with my mastermind group and we were talking about words for the year — when it came to be my turn, i honestly didn’t feel like i had a word at first, but i was encouraged to just let the first word the came to mind, come forward and have weight. it was “go.” when i said it out loud, my mentor said, “yes, Sarah. the word i felt and heard for you was ‘execute’.” that’s what “go” means for me this year – this is the year i take bold action, bolder than before, more grounded, steadfast, rooted action. this is the year that i move, create, and trust that i’ve got everything i need to create the visions and dreams placed inside of me. i’m lacking nothing. i need no permission, special skills, or special abilities. i’ve got what i need and it’s time to go.

if it serves you to think that a new year must mean a new you, then by all means, go with that, but i would also love to encourage you to not feel the need to buy into that. you don’t have to be a new you. maybe you just need to be a more focused you, a more disciplined you, a you with better habits than last year, a you that doesn’t listen to fear or that inner critic as much. a you that gives up the excuses and does the dang thing. a you that doesn’t listen to the judgments and nay-saying of others as much. a you that doesn’t put stock in your limiting beliefs and those thoughts that keep holding you back. maybe you just need a better morning routine. maybe you just need better friends. maybe it’s better boundaries. nothing inherently new – just better. don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be this new shiny creation – you were fearfully and wonderfully made. no need to reinvent the wheel. maybe just a couple improvements here or there is all that’s in your way.

i don’t know if that helps you at all today, but i hope it does. i don’t know who it’s for… maybe it’s you. maybe you just need permission to shed the weight of the expectations, whether outer or inner, and just be free to still be you, and maybe your 2.0 version isn’t as heavy as you’re making it. maybe what actually needs to happen is less… less expectations, less self-judgment, less demand to live up to this proverbial hype… and permission to just be. be exactly what and who you were created to be, not what you think will satisfy some undefined standard this world told you to try and live up to.

i wish you the best in everything. happiness, love, life, family, fulfillment… and oftentimes we think that means we need more, when really, we actually need less. maybe less is more is truly what makes more better.

♥

in the quiet

November 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

christian, christian blog, christian life, finding purpose, god first, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental peace strategies, mindset, music with purpose, musician, purpose driven, purpose driven life, self care, self-care for women

i was talking to a friend about the upcoming single. and it hit me. i should be excited. i should be pumped. i should be thrilled. i should be unable to shut up about it. but… i don’t really feel that way. i used to be so invested in getting as many people to hear it as possible, as many pre-saves as possible… just so in the rat race of forcing it on people, trying my hardest to get it in their ear canals.

do you want the truth? here it is. it is so hard to feel like you have any kind of talent whatsoever or that it even matters that you’re creating art when it doesn’t seem like the world cares about any of it — the talent i mean. it’s all vanilla to me. and i hate feeling like that. i hate saying it. i hate typing it. but it’s how i feel. then i remember feelings are liars… and feelings aren’t the truth. but it’s really hard to care. it’s really hard to push, force, assert… when this music is so not about me. it wasn’t my idea. i thought we were done. i thought it was over. but… God.

i keep asking Him why He’s calling me into this. i can’t seem to bring myself to blast this song or this album all over social media, begging people to listen, save, download, buy, like i used to. the last album, i have no idea how many people probably got sick of me and my every other sentence, because it had something to do with listening to my record. i don’t care to do that this time. for whatever reason. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i want you to listen. i think it’s well worth 4 minutes of your time. but i’m feeling like being quiet about it and just releasing it into the world without all the circus tactics.

i wrote this song and this record because after i laid down live performances, i started feeling all of these songs flooding into me. i couldn’t explain it, but i hadn’t had that kind of inspiration to write in months. literally… so i leaned into it. and what i loved about it was that it just kind of… came out. nothing was forced. nothing felt like it was fitting a square peg into a round hole. i asked Josh if he wanted to help me write this project, and he was instantly on board. so we just started writing. i had a bunch of stuff written before we started, but the flow just felt different.

the production felt different. i honestly hadn’t picked up a guitar in months, but the solos felt different. the whole structure of the recording felt different. and i’m so excited about it, but not in the same way as before. not in the same in your face, “you have to hear this, listen to this, omg did you know i recorded a song?!?!” way. i just feel… chill. calm. accepting of whatever is.

to say i know the exact purpose of this record would be a lie. it’s weird to feel like you’re giving something up and then being told to keep doing it. but i have to trust. i have to have faith. i know for a fact that i’m not interested in placing my art in an environment where it has the possibility of no longer being mine, so in true independent artist fashion, this is how it’s going to go. i’m gonna write it. i’m gonna record it. i’m gonna put it out. wash, rinse, repeat.

sometimes i find myself forgetting that fact that sometimes the best things happen in the quiet. as an artist, i’ve been “quiet” for a while. no public releases, no shows, just introspective time trying to understand what this gift is supposed to be used for. what i have to keep reminding myself is this:

the truth, the direction, the purpose… comes from a still small voice… one that cannot be heard in the loud. it can only be heard in the quiet. it doesn’t raise it’s volume above the chaos. it doesn’t try to be heard over the rest of the noise. it just sits and waits patiently to tell me the same things it’s been saying all along. whether i want to hear it or not. whether i want to believe it or not. it will just keep calmly, kindly, lovingly, and consistently saying the same thing.

you can’t miss what’s meant for you. it’ll gently follow you around until you finally get quiet enough to actually listen. and i’m guilty of “listening” but immediately doubting, writing off, and continuing with whatever i want to do. i did it for a long time with performing. until i couldn’t ignore it anymore. once i got that out of the way, then came the call to write.

listen, i don’t have it all figured out. far from it. i’m not writing this from a place of complete understanding. but, i can’t really deny the confidence that small voice possesses. it’s way more confident than some of my loudness… loud does not equal confident. don’t get it twisted. sometimes loud is nothing more than an attempt to not be found out. sometimes loud is all a cover for the times when i feel like i have no idea what i’m actually doing, or even better… when i’m trying my hardest to ignore or drown out those gentle nudges i don’t want to admit might actually be on to something.

don’t be afraid of the quiet. don’t be afraid to lean in. don’t be afraid if it doesn’t make sense. maybe it’s not supposed to. and maybe you’re wasting time trying to figure it out. these are all lessons i’m currently actively learning… do they hit home for you?

a new record

well. i didn’t really know what else to title this… nothing cryptic, no keeping the cat in the bag…. but we’re working on another record.

a few months ago, it was very clear to me that it was time for me to lay music down and i cancelled all of the live performances on my calendar. to be honest with you, i’m not still not quite sure how i did that. i was texting through tears the entire time. it made no sense to me how i could so clearly feel in my gut that this was the right thing to do. but i just knew it’s what had to be done. i knew it was time.

at the time, i had zero motivation to play one note on a guitar. not a single bit of inspiration coursed through my veins. i hadn’t recorded a note in months, probably not since i released Come Alive… i thought it was gone. i mean, i really thought…. “good goin’, kid. you taught yourself another useless skill…” after all, that’s sometimes what it feels like to have built a photography business in Michigan for five years only to shut it down completely for music. just meandering along, teaching myself random skills that i later abandon for unknown reasons…

i can really be a jerk to myself sometimes… i’m working on it.

a few weeks ago… another nudge. i started getting weird sporadic inspiration for songs, verses and choruses and chord progressions started coming randomly into my mind. i’d be doing something like laundry or taking a walk and another song would make its way into my mind… i think i probably ignored it at first because even if i did flesh out the entire song, i didn’t know what the heck i would do with it.

finally i had enough… the ideas wouldn’t leave me alone. so i started writing a couple of them in my Google Docs like i’ve always done — “idea” with the date. a few of them just stuck in my head, bouncing around and around, almost begging me to write them. eventually, the sentiment came… “write another record.” what? where is this coming from…?

“write another record, Sarah. write a Christian blues rock record.” such a clear direction. pretty hard to ignore. and crazy sounding, might i add… how on Earth am i gonna make THAT!? (from the heart… that’s how…)

so i’ve been diving in. that’s the news. i’m making another record. and it dives harder into blues, rock, some jazz and funk, more guitar, more instruments than i’ve ever experimented with… but i’m very excited to see what comes from this. i’m writing it with my buddy Josh Tobias, which, if you haven’t heard his stuff, i’d love for you to go take a listen. dude is mega talented. i’ve written some of my most favorite songs with Josh — it’s been really fun inviting him into this project.

fun short story on that: i told him i felt compelled to write another record and felt pretty strongly that he was supposed to be writing this with me. his immediate response was, “i’m in. say when.” turns out, he’s apparently been wanting to write something like this for a while so being asked to be part of this is hopefully as much of a gift to him as it is to me.

i think you’re gonna like this stuff. i know i say that every time, but if you’ve been following the evolution of my musicianship at all, this is going to be something i’m super proud of. there’s some killer emotions, themes, sentiments, and inspiration being collected and fleshed out for this one, and i’m hoping it’s going to inspire you in a bunch of ways.

i wanna write this record “in the gap” so to speak. i’m writing it for the person who’s going through it but knows there’s something more to life than their valleys. i’m not writing this from the top of the mountain. i’m not writing this about a life lived without trial or tribulation — that wouldn’t be a story i know anything about. i’m writing this for the person who, like me, finds themselves in some pretty desolate lows and knows relief is possible, but sometimes it seems like it’s far more common for others, or just out of reach. it’s for the person that needs something to hold on to and needs to figure out who this Jesus guy is because He might just be the last and only hope.

i won’t say much more right now… but i just wanted you to know. something’s coming, and i hope you’ll stick around and give it a listen.

♥, SF

public humiliation

i don’t know if you saw it at all… there’s been so much to see lately, honestly. too much… not much of it very good… i honestly usually keep my head in the sand on most things… maybe that’s ignorant. but, in this case, as a musician with friends who know i’m a musician, a friend of mine asked me what i thought about this… so i checked it out.

the situation was — and you can google more specific details if you wish, but it’s not my desire to out anyone or add unnecessary drama to an already dramatic situation — a musician / songwriter sang a public national anthem on a large stage, televised in front of the nation and it did not go well. more than not go well, it caused her the next day to post on social media that she had been intoxicated and she was going to check herself into rehab.

when i heard the performance for the first time, it was before she had made such a claim, so the only thoughts i had were, “man, if she has a problem and nobody knew, that’s really sad.” and then, i saw her statement.

following that, there were some claims that it was a technological problem. it happens all the time. but here’s my continued issue with the whole situation.

i should add that i’m speaking from a fair bit of personal experience on this, as i, too, have been in the position of singing a couple of high-exposure anthems, very gratefully so. while in those situations, there has never been a shortage of people asking me if i’m ready, asking if i need anything, asking if i’m ok… there were so. many. people. checking on me, probably honestly making sure i wasn’t going to blow it. making sure my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. maybe thinking to themselves, “man, i don’t know if i could do this, so is she going to be able to?” with the occasional outward warning, “don’t forget the words!”

who was checking on her? who was asking her if she was ok? if she really wasn’t ok and it was that noticeably poor of a performance, i would think that someone would have been able to notice that she wasn’t acting like herself — there were likely signs that this wasn’t going to be the best idea.

i also grew up with an alcoholic. this is the part of my story that really lends a hand to my thoughts on the situation. i could always tell my mom was drinking within seconds. i could call it out plain as day. it took me zero effort to see that she wasn’t herself. and if someone’s issue with alcohol is so serious that they need to call themselves out the next day on social media about their immediate check-in to rehab… i would venture to say it was serious enough to be able to notice.

there’s a lot of hate on the internet these days. far too much. unfortunately, she’s being made to look pretty bad in some corners of this wild wild web. but this is not on her. none of this is on her. her team failed her. and from personal experience, getting upset with someone who struggles with addiction does nothing — you don’t realize the amount of shame they already feel. they certainly don’t need your help.

i hate that this happened. i hate that it keeps happening. i hate that it seems so hard to find a team of people that you can actually trust, that actually have your best interest at heart. the fact of the matter is she hired these people… when a musician or artist hires a team, they’re doing so because they can’t manage their career alone. the scope of responsibilities and tasks that go into a music career are far too heavy for one person to carry. so they hire help. trusted help in a sea full of “helpers” that oftentimes don’t care about anyone but themselves. but i’m sure she thought she had made the right choices. and then this happened.

i’ve let my assessment of the situation reset mostly in the possibility of an addict performing with high stakes that wasn’t protected by her team. then there’s the possibility that her technology failed her.

but my opinion remains the same.

if the technology fails, you don’t go burn your house down by telling people that you’re going to rehab. if the technology fails, no one lets you die on that hill. there’s no reason for someone of high profile to admit they’re going to rehab unless they’re actually going to rehab.

either way, whether a team isn’t paying enough attention to an intoxicated artist about to take the stage or is allowing her to throw herself under the bus to cover for someone’s terrible technological failure, that’s a team that’s not really looking out for the best interest of the artist… and that’s unfortunately the way of the world it seems.

we don’t care enough about each other. we don’t even check in. we’re more concerned with power, ego, self, me, gain, money, and fame to even consider love, kindness, selflessness, or peace. no one is looking at someone about to burn part of her career down and thinking maybe it’s better that we consider a Plan B. or maybe no one truly knew her well enough to be able to decipher the signs? i’m not sure about that… i just find it negligent.

and what about the kids? what about all of our kids watching us adults completely screw this up? they soak up everything like a sponge. they watch every move we make. they imitate, they regurgitate… and they deserve better. they’re watching adults on TV show up this way, and we keep allowing it to happen. it makes me so sad, because i just can’t see the train slowing down or turning around. it’s a complete self-destructive forest fire and we keep pouring more gasoline.

if we want better, we have to be better. think better. act better. speak up better. say something. love better. care better. quit being the center of our own universes. humble up. be willing to look stupid, but not in the humiliating way. be willing to say the hard thing to avoid the bigger tragedy. quit going with the flow when you see the waterfall clearly approaching. the only way the cycle stops is with love.

one of my very favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

anger, hatred, or judgment will never be able to stop things like this from happening. and being a keyboard warrior solves nothing. we’re only going to see benefit or improvement from caring more about each other, putting someone else before ourself, and being walking, talking examples of love.

what if i miss out

this is a question i have wrestled with so much in my life. what am i meant for, and what if i miss it? what if the signs are plain as day and i’m too busy, too occupied, just too blind to see the clear sign in front of my face telling me which way to go?

we even have a name for it: FOMO. Fear. Of. Missing. Out.

but on what?

that list is LOONNGGGGGGGG. i can think of 10 things right now that i’m afraid of missing out on.

ok so, backstory… in August 2019, i moved to Nashville to be a musician. i was in a cover band in Michigan before coming to Tennessee and i was in a massage and i heard the Lord tell me to run. i was trying to decide if i was going to come or not, if it made sense or not… i mean, i was leaving everything i had ever known and loved in an instant. off a whim. a silly little gut feeling i had one time. some people know they’re supposed to come to Nashville. i didn’t! i thought it one time out of the blue because i was in the back of a van of dudes with my band traveling down to perform a show. and i felt it in my chest. so i went with it. so blindly.

here i am almost exactly 5 years later, here i am writing this to you… in a season where again i’ve got this feeling. this nudge. this call. and i really don’t know what to do with it. i’ve had it for a while. i’ve been going along to get along. and yesterday morning, i couldn’t do it anymore.

i had been feeling pulled to attend a Thursday evening recurring meeting. i told Matthew about it and his response was “just go this week, then.” so yesterday as i was thinking about the week, i made a mental note to myself that i was going to follow through on that decision Matthew and i had made and i was going to go. the only problem was that i remembered that i had an obligation on the calendar that night already. a show at a local bar.

when i tell you i was met INSTANTLY by the Lord, i mean it. like. INSTANTLY. SMACK. but it wasn’t violent. it wasn’t angry. it wasn’t intrusive. it simply invited me and said, “you get to choose. you can do either one, and you get to choose.” so in that moment i made a choice and i knew it wasn’t going to be easy, because i am NOT the girl that goes back on her commitments… but i sent a text message. “i’m really sorry, and i hope this reaches you well, but i need to pull the show from the calendar on Thursday” *send* then i sat there.

i looked at my calendar. i noticed i had three more dates on the calendar with this same venue. and i sent a second message: “and i am so appreciative of the space you’ve given me on your stage, allowing me to share music with your community, but i need to cancel all further shows as well.” *send*

then i sat there again. wondering what i was doing. this is So. Not. Me. and that’s how i know it’s God. because none of this would ever cross my mind if i was doing all of these things my way. i am the muscle, the grit, the strength, the force, the don’t stop until it happens. i am her. but not this time. this time i’m being asked to surrender. to give it up. to lay it down. and i’ve been asked dozens of times over the past months… and i finally reached a point where there were two conflicting things that had me in such a tight spot where the choice one way or another felt so defining… it is so obvious to me that the scheduling conflict on Thursday night was no coincidence. and there is not a single person in Heaven or on Earth that’s truly “mad” at me for choosing either way… i just knew i had to make a choice.

i got to the next date on the calendar which was an obligation i made just two weeks ago, if that, to a close friend of mine. i paused. i didn’t want to disappoint him. this is a dude that’s believed in me since the day i met him. i appreciate him and his friendship Soooo much… but i knew i had to keep going. so i sent a similar message: “hey, i hope you’re having a lovely day. i’m sending you a message i never would have thought i would be sending you. i need to pull that date on the calendar we just talked about. i’m feeling called away from music for right now, and i have to listen.”

i felt sad. i felt heavy. but if i’m 100% honest, i also started to feel free.

a couple shows in October – cancelled. one that i was very excited to be a part of! one that was for the city of Clarksville, do you know how excited i was when i was invited to play that stage?! so excited. i was getting ready to put a full band together for a couple of these shows. there’s almost quite literally NOTHING in the world i love more than performing original music with a full band.

but i knew. i just knew. i was being called to surrender it all. not hanging on to any of it for myself. giving it all to Him. allowing him the space.

funny thing was… i would get to a date that i didn’t think i would be able to let go of… sit for a second… and send the message. once all the messages were sent, the first song that popped into my head was, “i will make room for you… to do whatever you want to. to do whatever you want to.”

it’s true. and ruthlessly so. i am feeling called to make room for whatever God wants to do next. even i don’t really know what that means, but if He’s calling me to lay down something that i love so much that i would move my entire life from Michigan to Tennessee to follow a dream, i have to believe that we’re going somewhere with this.

i hope that reading this gives you hope. i hope it helps you decide. i hope you see a choice you need to make and it’s a little easier because you KNOW that if He’s going to call you to give up something you really, truly love… He’s going to have something waiting for you that’s going to blow your mind. there’s a graphic that i’ve seen in the past couple weeks… which… now that i think about it… the timing of that is pretty crazy… it was literally days ago. there’s a girl that has her teddy bear behind her back and Jesus is asking for it. she’s unwilling to give it up because she loves it so much.

what she doesn’t know is Jesus has a teddy bear about 5x the size waiting behind His back for her. and all He’s asking is for me to trust Him. it’s the least i can do. He gave his life for me. He died for me. He saved me. He rescued me. He’s saved me more times than i can even count, are you kidding me? He’s been through every trench with me and guided me to every mountain top i’ve had the pleasure of reaching. He’s got this. and He’s got you, too. He’s just waiting on your surrender. <3

contentment

// con-tent-ment // : (n) the state of being happy or satisfied; the acceptance of things “as they are.”

full disclosure, i struggle on and off with this. i’m feeling moved to write about it, but i myself do wrestle with it.

something about the way society keeps making “more” look like it equates to “better.” something about the way i keep desiring, keep wanting, keep looking, scouting, hoping, wishing… makes it pretty hard to feel content when i can’t seem to keep my eyes from wandering everywhere else but the path in front of me.

i think i’ve also got this silly belief that “contentment” means “giving up” or “losing hope” or “get what you get and don’t throw a fit.”

but i think those definitions are sorely mistaken. that kind of contentment assumes it’s never gonna get any better than this, so you might as well get used to it. which is actually really sad.

i don’t actually want to carry around those lifeless, hopeless definitions of contentment anymore, so i’m going to ~~put~~ keep trying to put them down (and leave them there… because i seem to somehow keep picking them back up…). if you’re feeling yourself carrying anything similar, i invite you to put it down with me. i desire for us to find more mental peace, and the more we keep assuming that we have to strive in order be happy, the less of that peace i believe we’re going to find. we’re also not super likely to find peace in the thoughts that we’re “settling for less” or that we’re “damaged goods” that don’t deserve what we’re dreaming of.

truly, if we’re responsible and content with what we’ve currently got, there’s no reason we wouldn’t in the future be entrusted with more. it’s being content with what i have in the here and now that i know i’ve gotta keep working on. the ability to steward properly the things i’m currently holding in my hand. focusing on my ability to be grateful for all of this good stuff i’m to blessed to have – that’s when the blessings come. the blessings multiply. and i believe a really good first step is contentment in your present circumstances and situation.

sometimes that’s really hard, because sometimes the current stuff we’re going through is just not that pretty. it’s not fun, it’s not easy, and we’re ready to be done with this valley season. to that i say – the valleys mean peaks are on the way. the lows help us appreciate the highs, and there’s still a good amount of contentment to be found in that. even when we don’t feel like smiling. even when the “oh, it’ll be over soon…” is like, the most annoying thing someone could possibly be saying… it’s worth trying to take a second, take a breath, and find a mini moment of contentment. it will pass, and when the next person you know is going through their own personal valley, they’ll have someone to lean on who’s living proof that even the darkest of nights have a glimmer of hope at the end.

i’ll doubly admit – contentment is definitely something i’m always working towards. but. maybe by sharing this, i’ll help you feel less alone if it’s one of your battles too. and i’ll find some accountability partners along the way.

♥, SF

when you don’t feel like it

story tiiimmmeeee!!!

i woke up this morning at 6:45am with no alarm. that may not sound that early for some, but that is NOT normal for me. i am not a morning person – i don’t care what you heard. they lied.

honestly, my first thought? go back to bed. but then… i thought to myself… “i think you’re supposed to get up…” so i did.

it was a weird, inconvenient morning… i had a bible study group i had been invited to attend, but the night previous i did that thing where i “loosely commit” (“i’m gonna try and make it in the morning…” so non-committal…) so that i could have an easy out in the morning if i didn’t feel like going… we’ve all done it. c’mon, tell me i’m not the only one.

well. against my better judgment… i decided to just cut the crap, commit, and get my butt in the car. but i wanted to read more. but i wanted to journal more. i wanted to sit around more. i wanted to eat more. but. but. but. and then i got in the car…

as i was driving, i noticed there was an absurd number of cars that were on the shoulder with flat tires… and then immediately realized that was because there was an absolutely absurd number of Car-Sized Potholes waiting to do the same thing to me… i thought to myself, “maybe i should turn around. maybe this isn’t safe. i should just go home… where i can get back in my PJs and scroll the day away…. i mean WORK…. WORK the day away…” (we all know how this trap works…)

but i pressed on. despite my mind’s many attempts to get me to turn around, throw in the towel, and pack it in.

when i got there… i was met with an overwhelming sense of peace that i’m not really sure i can accurately explain. i’m usually not all that comfortable in the middle of a room of people i don’t know, but i sat down and struck up a conversation with a stranger instead. surprised the pants off of myself…

the dialogue that was in this room was nothing short of amazing. within 10 minutes of starting, i felt like i finally understood why pushing through all of my futile excuses and feeble attempts to stay home were worth trampling. THIS. this is what life has for us when we decide to push our boundaries and lean into our discomfort. it’s the goodness. the zest. the juice that is so worth the squeeze. these little nuggets and tidbits that we so easily miss because we “don’t feel like it.”

not only would i have missed some really good biblical inspiration, i would’ve missed the conversations with two of my friends that i don’t see often enough, which were absolutely lined with gold. humans were created for connection. and social media does. not. count, people. so stop it. it’s a cheap alternative. it’s like… the fool’s gold of human connection.

don’t get me wrong. i’m well away that i would’ve gone about my day just fine with or without this women’s group, that’s a definite. but i proved to myself that my own internal resistance was worth pressing into this morning. i showed myself there’s more to life than what i do or don’t feel like doing. there are great things in this life to enjoy if we’ll just lean in a little and take the leap, as mini or mighty as it might feel.

i’d encourage you to take note of your “i don’t feel like it” moments, too. are there things or situations worth pressing into? i truly believe that you may never know why you’re put in certain places – queue all the internal questioning i’ve done lately in my current self-care journey of selling shampoo while clinging to the original “plan” of being a musician – but you guarantee that you’ll never find out if you can’t even push through and show up. the people you could meet, the lessons you could learn, the beautiful accidents you leave space for… the list goes on – and it’s all hinging on whether or not you can get over yourself and lean in.

♥,
SF

what even is “too much?”

Firing this thing back up. Look out.

I’ve had this thought rolling around in my head lately – “what is ‘too much,’ anyway?”

It’s something i’ve been told many times in my life. It’s something i’ve felt for most of my life. And i’m still not quite sure i know really what it means. And here’s why.

Would we look at a child and say the things they’re interested in are “too much?” would we look them dead in the face when they told us what they wanted to be when they grew up (even if the answer was different from week to week), and tell them “yea, you can’t do that.” i would hope not. So why do we do it to each other (and ourselves) now that we’re grown? Does that really serve us?

I’m coming at this thought after being in my backyard scooping horse crap, as i often do… and thinking to myself, “how on earth does a girl get involved in so many things… and what sense does it make?” my guitar-playing, song-writing, shampoo-selling, clean beauty-caring, bonus-moming, relationship-doing, animal-owning self barely makes sense to myself sometimes, but why is that too much? Why do i feel the urge to make sense of it? Is it not ok to just be as i am?

Why do i worry when i’m making something for our beloved social media, whether or not it’s going to make sense to someone else or whether or not it’s “on brand” enough? Why do i worry and why do i care? And i’m positive i’m not the only one who struggles with this.

We’re in a world where we have to make sense to others, and that’s a problem to me. The only person i really wanna make sure i make sense to is myself and the One that created me. And what kind of daughter would i be if i looked my Father in the eye and said “i think you made me too much… i think i like too many things, and i really think i should tone it down… mostly because of what other people think and say.”

That sounds especially ridiculous when typed out in black and white.

If the fact that i pursue songwriting as a career but also have a passion for clean beauty but also love animals and have a bunch of them (including three farm animals in a subdivision) but also am a bonus mom and also love Jesus and also am pretty vulnerable and about the things that i’ve been through in my life and also have a great relationship to top it all off is too much, well, i guess, as politely as possible…. Go find less…?

Sure, it’s a lot to juggle sometimes, but if i’m being honest, i wouldn’t trade it. And if there’s anything in that list that i’d look at and say, “yea, that’s not worth the time it’s taking up in my life. Not worth the space…” then i guess i’ll cut it. But for now, there’s nothing in there i’d like to go without.

What made us so concerned with the portrayal of ourselves we put out into the world, anyway? Why do we even have this “instagram vs. reality” thing? Why do we spend so much time curating, perfecting, beautifying? And who says it has to be so unilateral? Or else it might “confuse” people… and you “can’t be successful” if you’re too confusing… if it’s wrong to have a rich life full of many beautiful things, then screw it, i don’t wanna be right. And that’s my final answer.

Last time i checked, no one got mad at Instagram for starting off as a photo-sharing platform and now being a full blown video editing software. No one is upset that TikTok started out as a place where dancing videos were your ticket to fame but now it’s a glorified child of Amazon. We just go along with it and figure it out, glitches and all (am i right??). Things ebb and flow and change all the dang time. Things start out as one thing and morph into another, they add, they progress, they diversify. So why are we so reluctant, even scared, to do that for ourselves? Why is it seen as a weakness to be interested, involved, or good at “too many” things?

Frankly, I’m over it. I’ve wrestled with the thought too many times for too long. I’ve wasted too many minutes trying to figure out how to present myself in a way that makes sense to y’all. So here it is in a nutshell. For today anyway. Until i add or subtract something.

Hello, i’m Sarah. I’m a musician, mainly songwriter and guitar player, and i write songs about my life – both the wins and the losses. Because of this journey i’ve been on, I care a little extra about my health, both mental and physical, and i think there’s a lot we can do for ourselves in those departments to make sure we’re setting ourselves up for success. I’m a big fan of my family, a lot of my family has fur and four legs, but i’m especially grateful for the humans. I’ve got a relationship that’s much more than i deserve and two (bonus) kids i never thought i’d have.

Yep, it’s a lot. But it’s a lot to be grateful for. I guess it’s a little like my liberal arts education…. Well-rounded.

photo credit: the incomparable Alisa Thayne <3

yea, but…..

September 18, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

americana music, confidence, country music, female musician, meaningful music, music for healing, music with purpose, musician, nashville musician, new music, original music, sarah faith music, songwriter, vulnerability

just saying… i’m trying like hell to cut this phrase out of my vocabulary. the “yea but”s are gonna keep you from doing the things you’re put here to do. i don’t know a single person who has time for that.

i cannot count how many times i’ve been talking to someone and either i’ll suggest something to them that would be TOTALLY AWESOME, or they suggest something to me that would be SUPER AMAZING, and both of us kill the idea with a “yea, but….” a situation comes to mind where a friend of mine just wasn’t pumped with how things were going, and i simply presented the possibility of a change and i got a bunch of “yea, but”s in return. “yea, but i need the money. yea, but i don’t know where to start. yea, but it’s scary. yea, but what if it fails.?”

those are just a few that popped into mind immediately. they came up pretty fast actually because my “yea, but” muscle is a pretty dang strong one. the only thing is… my “let’s do it anyway” muscle is stronger.

i caught myself just this week – i was trying to make a decision and i heard my mind coming up with all of these “yea, but”s – a bunch of BS, fear-filled worries, really. i know that when they’re all rooted in fear, their credibility isn’t that great. so… i’m writing this as a notice that “yea but”s don’t rule my life, and they shouldn’t have a say in yours either!

here’s another example – i’ve been in way too many relationships where “yea, but”s steered me wrong. i should have left long before i did, but i kept thinking, “yea, but what if i’m wrong? yea, but what if he can change? yea, but i’m not perfect either. yea, but just one more chance.” and each and every last one of those statements kept me in a toxic relationship that wasn’t serving me or helping me become my best self. i’m thankful to have learned the lessons, but i’m not gonna keep learning them the hard way, and i’m not gonna keep wasting time on “yea, but”s.

if we only get a certain number of times around the sun, and we don’t have knowledge of what that magic number is, i think we owe it to ourselves not to waste it on “yea, but”s. personally, i’d rather spend time finding out if the fears are legitimate than living paralyzed, never able to learn anything at all. if you choose a direction, you can always change it or pivot it or shift it or whatever. if you choose to do nothing, and are terrified of the fork in the road, well, a stopped car doesn’t usually have much direction or make much progress.

it’s all our choice, though. we get to Choose!! this is all why #ChooseYourLegacy means so much to me – it makes me So So sad to see people stopped dead in their tracks because of all these “yea, but” statements they can’t get off their mind. i’ll boldly state that i am Choosing not to let “yea, but”s rule my life. i would love to know what obstacles you’re facing that need to have their power taken away!

♥,
SF

when people just don’t “get” you

September 9, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

meaningful music, musician

i’ve never been the kind to fit in. i’ve never been popular. i’ve never been the girl with the fancy clothes who had all the friends. that’s just never been me. i’ve been a thrift store shopper my entire life because growing up with an addicted single mother means an entirely different financial situation than most kids. and i’ve been made fun of plenty for it too. thrift store kids understand other thrift store kids but a lotta kids never stepped foot in a thrift store (their loss if you ask me…).

those kinds of interactions went something like this:

popular Abercrombie-wearing fellow school kid: i like your shirt, where’d you get it?

me (completely surprised a “popular kid” even knew i existed): oh…. uh… Salvation Army actually! on sale (proud, because saving money was a good thing…. a really, really good thing)

her: ……eew…..

***think Taylor Swift on Jimmy Fallon or Saturday Night Live or whatever kind of “eew.” short. sweet. to the point. horrifyingly embarrassing. nowadays, thrift store shopping is a somewhat “socially acceptable” thing to do – made a little cooler by Macklemore – but let me just take this opportunity to establish myself as an original thrift store and garage sale bargain hunter and price negotiator… formed out of necessity, not out of choice. although now, it’s completely by choice. first Saturday of the month, 50% off at the Goodwill, Who’s Coming With Me?!?!?!

i guess that’s where i got my initial sense of not fitting in. i just plain didn’t, and i still just plain don’t. i was always the girl with the “ew” clothes (until my situation improved dramatically thanks to some serious heroics from my dad). i was the girl with a mess waiting for her at home. i was the girl who usually smelled like smoke. i was ashamed to have friends much less invite them over or have sleepovers like most kids were doing. i was best friends with my younger cousin because at least he understood the dysfunction and i didn’t have to explain anything to him. i tried having a best friend outside of the family once. it got me yelled at because i was so desperate for a normal friendship that i was an extremely clingy friend. i wanted to do everything she wanted to do and i wanted to hang out away from my house all the damn time. i probably annoyed the living shit out of her. my bad. i didn’t mean to. i was just a young girl around the age of 8-12 trying to escape the reality of having to constantly be my own parent because the parent that was supposed to be taking care of me was more worried about consuming alcoholic substances than maintaining any sense of normalcy for me growing up.

this whole not fitting in thing has gotten me made fun of by peers, earned me some pretty good criticism from teachers, professors, and colleagues, as well as been the source of some commentary from coaches i’ll literally never forget due to the fact that the harsh words are burned into my brain as if scarred there by cattle prods.

i played soccer growing up. i had to basically beg, borrow, and steal in order for my mom to sign me up because it was so out of the budget, but i eventually convinced her to let me enroll in a recreational league. no way in hell i could convince her to let me tryout for a travel team. i played rec soccer for about five years, always feeling like i was faster, hustled harder, and was kinda just “better” than majority of the kids i played against. i always wished i could take on the challenge of travel soccer like a bunch of other kids i knew, but that was completely out of the question.

when my dad got custody of me, i was allowed to tryout for a travel team. i made the first team i tried out for, but i was cut the second year. so i tried out for another team and made it. played there for two years before changing teams again due to that organization folding. my third travel team was by far the most i ever felt like i belonged on a team my entire life by both the girls on my team as well as our coach. the only problem was, i was heading into my last two possible seasons of travel soccer before college. and i desperately wanted to play college soccer. having missed out on the luxury of playing high-level soccer since beginning to walk, this was somewhat of a far-fetched dream. i tried hard. i ran fast. i hustled. i communicated loudest on the field. i had the most passion on the team. i was the first one to practice and the last one to leave. i scratched and clawed to be on the field for as many minutes as possible….. and Holy Shit i got a couple college looks! no way in hell i was looking at being a scholarship player, but there were a lot of factors working against me in that department. like the before mentioned “not-playing-travel-soccer-since-learning-to-walk” bit.

i ultimately ended up playing DIII, but i was far from a super star. i played in 70+ games, our team was undefeated conference champions my senior year, yadda yadda, but i can honestly tell you that my main contribution was working my ass off in practice and screaming my ass off from the sidelines in games. i’ve got a lot of heart when i put my mind to something, and LOADS of passion. i could not have worked harder. i could not have screamed louder. i could not have given more of myself for my team. i was still the first to arrive, last to leave type. i truly felt like my first priority was the best interest of the team, even if it meant sitting the bench quite a bit. just to be completely honest, i hated the bench, but i got pretty brutally criticized for asking about my playing time, so i just shut up and played my role. i carry around many points of pride as well as resentment from my college soccer days, but no two memories are burned in my mind stronger than these next two….

the first happened during practice when, after our drill was explained to us and the team was asked if there were any questions, i raised my hand to ask mine. i wish i could remember what i asked, because i’d love to know if the response was actually warranted, but what i got was, “Merritt… sometimes i’m not sure if you ask questions because you legitimately don’t understand or because you’re asking just to ask. if you’re actually confused, ask one of your teammates for the answer.”

remember how i started this whole thing off by saying i never really fit in? yea…. i’ve never felt more like a gigantic asshole idiot than in that particular moment. i wanted to crawl in a hole and die. i was beyond humiliated. and i was so angry that i could allow myself to be recruited to a team by a coach that didn’t even understand me or respect me. oh, and i lied. this second memory made me feel even more like an asshole idiot:

each player had an annual coach-player, one-on-one meeting. we talked about how we thought things were going, what our weaknesses were, what our strengths were, and our overall goals moving forward on the team. this particular meeting wasn’t extremely productive, and was likely the reason my level of success in college soccer plummeted…. the opening statement to me was something along the lines of “Merritt… i’m gonna be honest. i don’t really know what to do with you. sometimes you’re the best player on the field, and sometimes you’re quite honestly the worst. i don’t know how to coach you….” just a side note…… if you ever find yourself in this situation of “not knowing how to coach” someone or interact with them or whatever….. i’m going to just advise that maybe you don’t start by telling them sometimes they’re the best and sometimes they’re the worst and you just don’t know what to do with them…… also. i would advise against pointing out the fact that they “always cry in meetings like this” because it’s just flat out not fucking helpful.

again. even on a team where i was asked to play. even in a situation where i was told i’d be an asset. i didn’t fit in. i wanted to transfer. i felt useless. i felt like an alien. i felt like an idiot. i hated a lot of things about a lot of years between the ages of 7 and 20 and this was by far the epitome of hatred. the stupid thing is i let it all mean that I was the problem.

im here to confidently say…… You Are Not The Problem. if someone doesn’t understand you or respect you, that is a THEM thing. NOT a YOU thing. and if it’s multiple someones…. there are 7 billion people in this world and your people exist even if you gotta turn over a lot of heavy rocks to find them. i promise you, they’re out there. for me, it’s been a shit ton of expensive therapy and a fucking all hands on deck search party to find people that vibrate at my frequency, but dammit, they exist. thank the Lord in Heaven.

it took me a long time to learn this lesson and sometimes i’m still an ugly crying ball of mess trying to figure out what the hell i gotta do to stop feeling like such a fucking weirdo, but my recall time of remembering my unique abilities and why they’re pretty amazing is getting shorter all the time. for example, i mind haters less and less. i’ve already been to the bottom of “why are you here…?” and “your questions are stupid. stop wasting my time. go ask your teammates if you’re actually confused and not this ‘fake confused’ i believe you are.” i’ve listened to far too many “God, you’re so weird Sarah. what the hell is wrong with you?” and the, “gross, can you sit over there? you smell really bad…” comments to count. it’s getting more and more background noise-esque and that feels like a major win. i had someone message me on Instagram and tell me to keep my “day job” instead of pursuing a music career – that felt awesome. sometimes people type in “crying laughing” faces on my livestreams, which i just assume means they’re having a baller ass time instead of making fun of me, although i’m sure sometimes it’s because they’re making fun of me. who gives a shit. their negativity is THEIR problem.

for all the times i’ve been judged on my weirdness, vocabulary, and tendencies, accused of stupidity, and harassed for my shortcomings, be them my fault or not, i’m sorta thankful i guess. they’re just huge warning signs not to buddy up with those people. they don’t get me. they don’t have to. i quite frankly don’t get them either. and focusing on why on earth they don’t want to be friends with me robs me of the time i need to focus on my purpose in life. my purpose isn’t to go around making people like me. and it’s not to go around forcing myself to like assholes, either. if we don’t run in the same crowd, that’s fine. i’ll find my people. i’ll keep running around, being my weird ass self, wearing my thrift store wardrobe, shouting conversations louder than socially acceptable in public and the tribe will form.

shit, it’s already forming – you know who you are. but i’ll tell you this – it didn’t start forming until i dug myself out of my perpetual pity party and stopped wasting my energy on people that just didn’t get me. i didn’t start attracting my crew until i gave up trying to figure out why certain people didn’t “like” me. i had to start really truly believing that God doesn’t make trash and he made me this way one thousand percent on purpose. He doesn’t do anything on accident, and i certainly am not the exception. neither are you.

so here’s to not only accepting that there are gonna be plenty of people that just don’t “get” us, but also being grateful for them because it’s the easiest way to stop wasting energy trying to build our tribes with people that just aren’t on our same party line. no square pegs in round holes here. thank you very much. on to the next. truthfully, i’d rather be either alone or with one or two like-minded humans than trying to bang my head against a wall with a circle full of people that are all sucking the energy out of me.

what about you?