music with purpose – Sarah Faith

in the quiet

November 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

christian, christian blog, christian life, finding purpose, god first, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental peace strategies, mindset, music with purpose, musician, purpose driven, purpose driven life, self care, self-care for women

i was talking to a friend about the upcoming single. and it hit me. i should be excited. i should be pumped. i should be thrilled. i should be unable to shut up about it. but… i don’t really feel that way. i used to be so invested in getting as many people to hear it as possible, as many pre-saves as possible… just so in the rat race of forcing it on people, trying my hardest to get it in their ear canals.

do you want the truth? here it is. it is so hard to feel like you have any kind of talent whatsoever or that it even matters that you’re creating art when it doesn’t seem like the world cares about any of it — the talent i mean. it’s all vanilla to me. and i hate feeling like that. i hate saying it. i hate typing it. but it’s how i feel. then i remember feelings are liars… and feelings aren’t the truth. but it’s really hard to care. it’s really hard to push, force, assert… when this music is so not about me. it wasn’t my idea. i thought we were done. i thought it was over. but… God.

i keep asking Him why He’s calling me into this. i can’t seem to bring myself to blast this song or this album all over social media, begging people to listen, save, download, buy, like i used to. the last album, i have no idea how many people probably got sick of me and my every other sentence, because it had something to do with listening to my record. i don’t care to do that this time. for whatever reason. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i want you to listen. i think it’s well worth 4 minutes of your time. but i’m feeling like being quiet about it and just releasing it into the world without all the circus tactics.

i wrote this song and this record because after i laid down live performances, i started feeling all of these songs flooding into me. i couldn’t explain it, but i hadn’t had that kind of inspiration to write in months. literally… so i leaned into it. and what i loved about it was that it just kind of… came out. nothing was forced. nothing felt like it was fitting a square peg into a round hole. i asked Josh if he wanted to help me write this project, and he was instantly on board. so we just started writing. i had a bunch of stuff written before we started, but the flow just felt different.

the production felt different. i honestly hadn’t picked up a guitar in months, but the solos felt different. the whole structure of the recording felt different. and i’m so excited about it, but not in the same way as before. not in the same in your face, “you have to hear this, listen to this, omg did you know i recorded a song?!?!” way. i just feel… chill. calm. accepting of whatever is.

to say i know the exact purpose of this record would be a lie. it’s weird to feel like you’re giving something up and then being told to keep doing it. but i have to trust. i have to have faith. i know for a fact that i’m not interested in placing my art in an environment where it has the possibility of no longer being mine, so in true independent artist fashion, this is how it’s going to go. i’m gonna write it. i’m gonna record it. i’m gonna put it out. wash, rinse, repeat.

sometimes i find myself forgetting that fact that sometimes the best things happen in the quiet. as an artist, i’ve been “quiet” for a while. no public releases, no shows, just introspective time trying to understand what this gift is supposed to be used for. what i have to keep reminding myself is this:

the truth, the direction, the purpose… comes from a still small voice… one that cannot be heard in the loud. it can only be heard in the quiet. it doesn’t raise it’s volume above the chaos. it doesn’t try to be heard over the rest of the noise. it just sits and waits patiently to tell me the same things it’s been saying all along. whether i want to hear it or not. whether i want to believe it or not. it will just keep calmly, kindly, lovingly, and consistently saying the same thing.

you can’t miss what’s meant for you. it’ll gently follow you around until you finally get quiet enough to actually listen. and i’m guilty of “listening” but immediately doubting, writing off, and continuing with whatever i want to do. i did it for a long time with performing. until i couldn’t ignore it anymore. once i got that out of the way, then came the call to write.

listen, i don’t have it all figured out. far from it. i’m not writing this from a place of complete understanding. but, i can’t really deny the confidence that small voice possesses. it’s way more confident than some of my loudness… loud does not equal confident. don’t get it twisted. sometimes loud is nothing more than an attempt to not be found out. sometimes loud is all a cover for the times when i feel like i have no idea what i’m actually doing, or even better… when i’m trying my hardest to ignore or drown out those gentle nudges i don’t want to admit might actually be on to something.

don’t be afraid of the quiet. don’t be afraid to lean in. don’t be afraid if it doesn’t make sense. maybe it’s not supposed to. and maybe you’re wasting time trying to figure it out. these are all lessons i’m currently actively learning… do they hit home for you?

public humiliation

i don’t know if you saw it at all… there’s been so much to see lately, honestly. too much… not much of it very good… i honestly usually keep my head in the sand on most things… maybe that’s ignorant. but, in this case, as a musician with friends who know i’m a musician, a friend of mine asked me what i thought about this… so i checked it out.

the situation was — and you can google more specific details if you wish, but it’s not my desire to out anyone or add unnecessary drama to an already dramatic situation — a musician / songwriter sang a public national anthem on a large stage, televised in front of the nation and it did not go well. more than not go well, it caused her the next day to post on social media that she had been intoxicated and she was going to check herself into rehab.

when i heard the performance for the first time, it was before she had made such a claim, so the only thoughts i had were, “man, if she has a problem and nobody knew, that’s really sad.” and then, i saw her statement.

following that, there were some claims that it was a technological problem. it happens all the time. but here’s my continued issue with the whole situation.

i should add that i’m speaking from a fair bit of personal experience on this, as i, too, have been in the position of singing a couple of high-exposure anthems, very gratefully so. while in those situations, there has never been a shortage of people asking me if i’m ready, asking if i need anything, asking if i’m ok… there were so. many. people. checking on me, probably honestly making sure i wasn’t going to blow it. making sure my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. maybe thinking to themselves, “man, i don’t know if i could do this, so is she going to be able to?” with the occasional outward warning, “don’t forget the words!”

who was checking on her? who was asking her if she was ok? if she really wasn’t ok and it was that noticeably poor of a performance, i would think that someone would have been able to notice that she wasn’t acting like herself — there were likely signs that this wasn’t going to be the best idea.

i also grew up with an alcoholic. this is the part of my story that really lends a hand to my thoughts on the situation. i could always tell my mom was drinking within seconds. i could call it out plain as day. it took me zero effort to see that she wasn’t herself. and if someone’s issue with alcohol is so serious that they need to call themselves out the next day on social media about their immediate check-in to rehab… i would venture to say it was serious enough to be able to notice.

there’s a lot of hate on the internet these days. far too much. unfortunately, she’s being made to look pretty bad in some corners of this wild wild web. but this is not on her. none of this is on her. her team failed her. and from personal experience, getting upset with someone who struggles with addiction does nothing — you don’t realize the amount of shame they already feel. they certainly don’t need your help.

i hate that this happened. i hate that it keeps happening. i hate that it seems so hard to find a team of people that you can actually trust, that actually have your best interest at heart. the fact of the matter is she hired these people… when a musician or artist hires a team, they’re doing so because they can’t manage their career alone. the scope of responsibilities and tasks that go into a music career are far too heavy for one person to carry. so they hire help. trusted help in a sea full of “helpers” that oftentimes don’t care about anyone but themselves. but i’m sure she thought she had made the right choices. and then this happened.

i’ve let my assessment of the situation reset mostly in the possibility of an addict performing with high stakes that wasn’t protected by her team. then there’s the possibility that her technology failed her.

but my opinion remains the same.

if the technology fails, you don’t go burn your house down by telling people that you’re going to rehab. if the technology fails, no one lets you die on that hill. there’s no reason for someone of high profile to admit they’re going to rehab unless they’re actually going to rehab.

either way, whether a team isn’t paying enough attention to an intoxicated artist about to take the stage or is allowing her to throw herself under the bus to cover for someone’s terrible technological failure, that’s a team that’s not really looking out for the best interest of the artist… and that’s unfortunately the way of the world it seems.

we don’t care enough about each other. we don’t even check in. we’re more concerned with power, ego, self, me, gain, money, and fame to even consider love, kindness, selflessness, or peace. no one is looking at someone about to burn part of her career down and thinking maybe it’s better that we consider a Plan B. or maybe no one truly knew her well enough to be able to decipher the signs? i’m not sure about that… i just find it negligent.

and what about the kids? what about all of our kids watching us adults completely screw this up? they soak up everything like a sponge. they watch every move we make. they imitate, they regurgitate… and they deserve better. they’re watching adults on TV show up this way, and we keep allowing it to happen. it makes me so sad, because i just can’t see the train slowing down or turning around. it’s a complete self-destructive forest fire and we keep pouring more gasoline.

if we want better, we have to be better. think better. act better. speak up better. say something. love better. care better. quit being the center of our own universes. humble up. be willing to look stupid, but not in the humiliating way. be willing to say the hard thing to avoid the bigger tragedy. quit going with the flow when you see the waterfall clearly approaching. the only way the cycle stops is with love.

one of my very favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

anger, hatred, or judgment will never be able to stop things like this from happening. and being a keyboard warrior solves nothing. we’re only going to see benefit or improvement from caring more about each other, putting someone else before ourself, and being walking, talking examples of love.

what if i miss out

this is a question i have wrestled with so much in my life. what am i meant for, and what if i miss it? what if the signs are plain as day and i’m too busy, too occupied, just too blind to see the clear sign in front of my face telling me which way to go?

we even have a name for it: FOMO. Fear. Of. Missing. Out.

but on what?

that list is LOONNGGGGGGGG. i can think of 10 things right now that i’m afraid of missing out on.

ok so, backstory… in August 2019, i moved to Nashville to be a musician. i was in a cover band in Michigan before coming to Tennessee and i was in a massage and i heard the Lord tell me to run. i was trying to decide if i was going to come or not, if it made sense or not… i mean, i was leaving everything i had ever known and loved in an instant. off a whim. a silly little gut feeling i had one time. some people know they’re supposed to come to Nashville. i didn’t! i thought it one time out of the blue because i was in the back of a van of dudes with my band traveling down to perform a show. and i felt it in my chest. so i went with it. so blindly.

here i am almost exactly 5 years later, here i am writing this to you… in a season where again i’ve got this feeling. this nudge. this call. and i really don’t know what to do with it. i’ve had it for a while. i’ve been going along to get along. and yesterday morning, i couldn’t do it anymore.

i had been feeling pulled to attend a Thursday evening recurring meeting. i told Matthew about it and his response was “just go this week, then.” so yesterday as i was thinking about the week, i made a mental note to myself that i was going to follow through on that decision Matthew and i had made and i was going to go. the only problem was that i remembered that i had an obligation on the calendar that night already. a show at a local bar.

when i tell you i was met INSTANTLY by the Lord, i mean it. like. INSTANTLY. SMACK. but it wasn’t violent. it wasn’t angry. it wasn’t intrusive. it simply invited me and said, “you get to choose. you can do either one, and you get to choose.” so in that moment i made a choice and i knew it wasn’t going to be easy, because i am NOT the girl that goes back on her commitments… but i sent a text message. “i’m really sorry, and i hope this reaches you well, but i need to pull the show from the calendar on Thursday” *send* then i sat there.

i looked at my calendar. i noticed i had three more dates on the calendar with this same venue. and i sent a second message: “and i am so appreciative of the space you’ve given me on your stage, allowing me to share music with your community, but i need to cancel all further shows as well.” *send*

then i sat there again. wondering what i was doing. this is So. Not. Me. and that’s how i know it’s God. because none of this would ever cross my mind if i was doing all of these things my way. i am the muscle, the grit, the strength, the force, the don’t stop until it happens. i am her. but not this time. this time i’m being asked to surrender. to give it up. to lay it down. and i’ve been asked dozens of times over the past months… and i finally reached a point where there were two conflicting things that had me in such a tight spot where the choice one way or another felt so defining… it is so obvious to me that the scheduling conflict on Thursday night was no coincidence. and there is not a single person in Heaven or on Earth that’s truly “mad” at me for choosing either way… i just knew i had to make a choice.

i got to the next date on the calendar which was an obligation i made just two weeks ago, if that, to a close friend of mine. i paused. i didn’t want to disappoint him. this is a dude that’s believed in me since the day i met him. i appreciate him and his friendship Soooo much… but i knew i had to keep going. so i sent a similar message: “hey, i hope you’re having a lovely day. i’m sending you a message i never would have thought i would be sending you. i need to pull that date on the calendar we just talked about. i’m feeling called away from music for right now, and i have to listen.”

i felt sad. i felt heavy. but if i’m 100% honest, i also started to feel free.

a couple shows in October – cancelled. one that i was very excited to be a part of! one that was for the city of Clarksville, do you know how excited i was when i was invited to play that stage?! so excited. i was getting ready to put a full band together for a couple of these shows. there’s almost quite literally NOTHING in the world i love more than performing original music with a full band.

but i knew. i just knew. i was being called to surrender it all. not hanging on to any of it for myself. giving it all to Him. allowing him the space.

funny thing was… i would get to a date that i didn’t think i would be able to let go of… sit for a second… and send the message. once all the messages were sent, the first song that popped into my head was, “i will make room for you… to do whatever you want to. to do whatever you want to.”

it’s true. and ruthlessly so. i am feeling called to make room for whatever God wants to do next. even i don’t really know what that means, but if He’s calling me to lay down something that i love so much that i would move my entire life from Michigan to Tennessee to follow a dream, i have to believe that we’re going somewhere with this.

i hope that reading this gives you hope. i hope it helps you decide. i hope you see a choice you need to make and it’s a little easier because you KNOW that if He’s going to call you to give up something you really, truly love… He’s going to have something waiting for you that’s going to blow your mind. there’s a graphic that i’ve seen in the past couple weeks… which… now that i think about it… the timing of that is pretty crazy… it was literally days ago. there’s a girl that has her teddy bear behind her back and Jesus is asking for it. she’s unwilling to give it up because she loves it so much.

what she doesn’t know is Jesus has a teddy bear about 5x the size waiting behind His back for her. and all He’s asking is for me to trust Him. it’s the least i can do. He gave his life for me. He died for me. He saved me. He rescued me. He’s saved me more times than i can even count, are you kidding me? He’s been through every trench with me and guided me to every mountain top i’ve had the pleasure of reaching. He’s got this. and He’s got you, too. He’s just waiting on your surrender. <3

contentment

// con-tent-ment // : (n) the state of being happy or satisfied; the acceptance of things “as they are.”

full disclosure, i struggle on and off with this. i’m feeling moved to write about it, but i myself do wrestle with it.

something about the way society keeps making “more” look like it equates to “better.” something about the way i keep desiring, keep wanting, keep looking, scouting, hoping, wishing… makes it pretty hard to feel content when i can’t seem to keep my eyes from wandering everywhere else but the path in front of me.

i think i’ve also got this silly belief that “contentment” means “giving up” or “losing hope” or “get what you get and don’t throw a fit.”

but i think those definitions are sorely mistaken. that kind of contentment assumes it’s never gonna get any better than this, so you might as well get used to it. which is actually really sad.

i don’t actually want to carry around those lifeless, hopeless definitions of contentment anymore, so i’m going to ~~put~~ keep trying to put them down (and leave them there… because i seem to somehow keep picking them back up…). if you’re feeling yourself carrying anything similar, i invite you to put it down with me. i desire for us to find more mental peace, and the more we keep assuming that we have to strive in order be happy, the less of that peace i believe we’re going to find. we’re also not super likely to find peace in the thoughts that we’re “settling for less” or that we’re “damaged goods” that don’t deserve what we’re dreaming of.

truly, if we’re responsible and content with what we’ve currently got, there’s no reason we wouldn’t in the future be entrusted with more. it’s being content with what i have in the here and now that i know i’ve gotta keep working on. the ability to steward properly the things i’m currently holding in my hand. focusing on my ability to be grateful for all of this good stuff i’m to blessed to have – that’s when the blessings come. the blessings multiply. and i believe a really good first step is contentment in your present circumstances and situation.

sometimes that’s really hard, because sometimes the current stuff we’re going through is just not that pretty. it’s not fun, it’s not easy, and we’re ready to be done with this valley season. to that i say – the valleys mean peaks are on the way. the lows help us appreciate the highs, and there’s still a good amount of contentment to be found in that. even when we don’t feel like smiling. even when the “oh, it’ll be over soon…” is like, the most annoying thing someone could possibly be saying… it’s worth trying to take a second, take a breath, and find a mini moment of contentment. it will pass, and when the next person you know is going through their own personal valley, they’ll have someone to lean on who’s living proof that even the darkest of nights have a glimmer of hope at the end.

i’ll doubly admit – contentment is definitely something i’m always working towards. but. maybe by sharing this, i’ll help you feel less alone if it’s one of your battles too. and i’ll find some accountability partners along the way.

♥, SF

yea, but…..

September 18, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

americana music, confidence, country music, female musician, meaningful music, music for healing, music with purpose, musician, nashville musician, new music, original music, sarah faith music, songwriter, vulnerability

just saying… i’m trying like hell to cut this phrase out of my vocabulary. the “yea but”s are gonna keep you from doing the things you’re put here to do. i don’t know a single person who has time for that.

i cannot count how many times i’ve been talking to someone and either i’ll suggest something to them that would be TOTALLY AWESOME, or they suggest something to me that would be SUPER AMAZING, and both of us kill the idea with a “yea, but….” a situation comes to mind where a friend of mine just wasn’t pumped with how things were going, and i simply presented the possibility of a change and i got a bunch of “yea, but”s in return. “yea, but i need the money. yea, but i don’t know where to start. yea, but it’s scary. yea, but what if it fails.?”

those are just a few that popped into mind immediately. they came up pretty fast actually because my “yea, but” muscle is a pretty dang strong one. the only thing is… my “let’s do it anyway” muscle is stronger.

i caught myself just this week – i was trying to make a decision and i heard my mind coming up with all of these “yea, but”s – a bunch of BS, fear-filled worries, really. i know that when they’re all rooted in fear, their credibility isn’t that great. so… i’m writing this as a notice that “yea but”s don’t rule my life, and they shouldn’t have a say in yours either!

here’s another example – i’ve been in way too many relationships where “yea, but”s steered me wrong. i should have left long before i did, but i kept thinking, “yea, but what if i’m wrong? yea, but what if he can change? yea, but i’m not perfect either. yea, but just one more chance.” and each and every last one of those statements kept me in a toxic relationship that wasn’t serving me or helping me become my best self. i’m thankful to have learned the lessons, but i’m not gonna keep learning them the hard way, and i’m not gonna keep wasting time on “yea, but”s.

if we only get a certain number of times around the sun, and we don’t have knowledge of what that magic number is, i think we owe it to ourselves not to waste it on “yea, but”s. personally, i’d rather spend time finding out if the fears are legitimate than living paralyzed, never able to learn anything at all. if you choose a direction, you can always change it or pivot it or shift it or whatever. if you choose to do nothing, and are terrified of the fork in the road, well, a stopped car doesn’t usually have much direction or make much progress.

it’s all our choice, though. we get to Choose!! this is all why #ChooseYourLegacy means so much to me – it makes me So So sad to see people stopped dead in their tracks because of all these “yea, but” statements they can’t get off their mind. i’ll boldly state that i am Choosing not to let “yea, but”s rule my life. i would love to know what obstacles you’re facing that need to have their power taken away!

♥,
SF

between the ears

August 4, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

americana music, country music, female musician, meaningful music, mindset, music for healing, music with purpose, nashville musician, new music, original music, purpose driven, sarah faith music

i’ve been golfing since i was a kid – i believe my dad put my first club in my hand at 9. he would every so often lovingly suggest that i pursue golf more seriously because he really thought i could go somewhere with it – play in high school, get a scholarship, really do the damn thing – but i sort of laughed him off just about every single time. i was a soccer player. i didn’t believe that i could ever be good at a sport that relied so heavily on myself – i thought i needed the team and, if i’m being completely honest, i got quite a bit of aggression out… golf is not a contact sport, nor one that really involves any sort of aggression. final deduction – not for me.

but i’ve still played golf here and there my whole life, just not very seriously. as far as swings go, i’ve got a decent one. i had a great teacher growing up in my dad, and my husband aspires to golf professionally. but i just never could quite call it “my sport.” so it didn’t seem like a big deal a couple weeks ago when i literally said out loud….. “i think i’m just going to stop trying… i don’t know why i keep wasting all this effort trying to get better at this. i need to just accept that i’m a 90s golfer…” i understand that 90s is great for many, but i’ve got the most competitive spirit i’ve ever met, and i’m constantly golfing with people who are birdie machines and under par pretty often. i started feeling like a failure. i started telling myself how much i sucked in comparison. it made me mad. like, really mad. i started talking like a defeatist. i truly believed the game was a waste of time, and i wasn’t having any fun playing it.

TRUTH BOMB –> it’s all mental. not just golf. everything. all of it. it’s mental and you get to choose what kind of mentality you have and what actions that mentality inspires you to take. *carry on*

here’s why i know that little above part to be true. i was involved in a tournament this past weekend – a two-day, two-man tournament. the way it worked out, i was partnered up with one of our great friends and neighbors, and we were all excited to play this tournament, chirping each other, just all around amped. except for the thoughts i had in the back of my mind that whispered sweet nothings to me – things to the effect of, “you’re not even good at this game. your poor partner. hope his back doesn’t get tired from carrying the team…” you know, kind, helpful things like that…

i’ll say i fumbled through day one, trying my best, but ultimately, playing pretty average…. but on day two, i stepped on to the driving range and thought to myself, “i’m really tired of this sad sack of emotions i’ve turned into out here. i think i’d like to make today different,” and i took a swing. and it was different. so i took another swing. and it was different, too. pure. carefree. easy.

TRUTH BOMB –> it’s all mental. every. single. thing.

but it wasn’t just a few good swings on the driving range – those few swings turned into my second lowest round ever – 79. and i’ll even add that one bad hole cost me a 76 – which would have totally been badass. but the bottom line is… it was all mental.

i committed to myself from the very beginning that i was going to be locked in mentally for all 18 holes. none of this shit where i trail off and start telling myself how shitty of a player i am, how bad of a teammate i am, how one mistake leads to another, how you i can have one good hole, but probably not two, none of that. i was committedAF. i took as many deep breaths as it took for me to settle down – like 936 deep breaths, people. a SHIT TON of deep breaths…. because i’m a damn MENTAL case out there. i SWEAR. in my head the entire time…. it. was. hard. but you know what, it was worth it. and i proved to myself that for as mental as i think i am, i’m so much stronger than all of that crap that happens in the tiny space between my ears.

before every shot, no matter how difficult, i waited for my mind to clear all the shit before i acted. (side note: my life should be like that… let the shit clear before taking action.) on tricky shots, i waited for all of that crap to get out of the way that told me i would never pull it off, which led me to back-to-back birdies at one point. i stood on tee boxes and literally visualized the exact path of my drive – i probably looked nuts sometimes just staring at the fairway for like 10 seconds at a time. but i didn’t care, because 200+ yards later, i was ready for shot number two – set my up for eagle once and put me about 5 feet off the side of a green once… it’s all MENTAL!!! i stopped caring about how i looked, what other people thought, and i 100% bought in to that round – all four and a half hours of it. and for someone as off-the-walls as me, that’s a long ass time.

guys, i’m not an amazing golfer. sure, i’ve been playing a long time, and i’m better than average. i’ve got good mechanics and i can get around a course pretty well. but i one THOUSAND percent willed my way to that round – i know that without a doubt. it was my mental game that kicked so much ass that day.

and this is alllllll applicable to life. how many negative things do you tell yourself on a daily basis, sometimes without even realizing they’re there?? i’ll just fess up and say….. kind of a lot, like…. too much… way too much…. more than i’d like to ever admit – and the gross part is the some of the things i tell myself, i would NEVER utter to another human being, so Why in the Hell do i let that live in my mind…? how many times have i walked up to a golf course and been like “yup, i totally can’t wait to play this game today,” only to basically mentally give up entirely after my first mistake….. a mistake that probably isn’t that big of a deal and is probably normal for a girl who isn’t an aspiring pro golfer….. why does it take so LITTLE for me to cash it in??? no way, José. i realized some Powerful Shit the other day on the course, and it is STAYING!!!

Take as many deep breaths as it takes to calm down – who cares what you look like. it’s not about them, dammit. COMMIT mentally to what you’re doing! it’s the most powerful thing you can do! i learned, and literally proved to myself for the better part of 5 hours…. that my mind is SOOOOOOOOOO powerful!!!! not like i didn’t know that before, but i literally spent FIVE HOURS working this truth and it was like SCIENCE!!!!

so…. all that being said…. i truly hope that this fires you up and gives you a glimpse of your power. and i truly, truly hope it’s just as therapeutic of a revelation for you as it has been for me.

be well friends. love you all

♥
SF

eight days left.

only eight days stand between me and release day. i’m VERY excited – i can’t wait for everyone to hear what i’ve been working on, thinking about, tweaking multiple times, listening to probably about a thousand times, dreaming about, and completely pouring myself into. this song means the world to me, and i think the largest reason is because it’s the beginning of many many more.

it’s the start of my purpose. it’s the first time i’m addressing the world and letting the universe know i’m here for real and ready to be used, ready to serve, to give my heart, soul, stories – really ready to give all of myself to leave this place a little better than when i came. to help people put into words things they can’t themselves understand. to really spread the message that just because you come from a mess doesn’t mean that you are a mess. you can have a dysfunctional past without the necessity of a dysfunctional future. i truly believe these things, and i’ll keep repeating them over and over again, reaching as many people as i possibly can.

i always said if i impacted one person, all of this would be worth it – everything from the good to the bad. for all the times i was going through stuff with my family, with my mental health, with everything that comes from being a child of an alcoholic… it was all worth it – so worth it that i’d do the same thing over and over again. when i’m asked what the one thing is that i’d do for free – my answer is undoubtedly share my story. looking back, i spent so much time trying to act like everything was fine, trying to fit in, be the hero, take care of everything, when all i really wanted was to tell people how confused i was and how much of a toll my home life was taking on me. all i wanted was someone to understand my confusion. shit, i’m still confused sometimes and my mind is still caught up in where i’ve been now and again. the difference is now i know where i’m going and i know there’s a greater purpose, so it helps with some of that confusion.

where am i going? i always love talking with people about this. i was chatting on the phone today and i could feel myself get really amped at this point of the conversation. for me, this isn’t just about making pretty music and laughing and having an easy life. my journey as a singer-songwriter is about doing things i never thought i could do. saying things i never thought i’d be able to say. seeing things in a way i never thought i’d see them. i thought i was hopeless, useless, and pointless, and as i continue to wake up to the dreams inside my soul and start looking at them as not only possibilities, but outcomes, everything shifts. everything changes. the shit show that i used to drown in becomes a platform that holds me up – my weaknesses become my strengths.

can’t wait to have you on this journey with me. it’s about to be one amazing, unbelievable, unapologetic ride.

♥
SF