eight days left.
only eight days stand between me and release day. i’m VERY excited – i can’t wait for everyone to hear what i’ve been working on, thinking about, tweaking multiple times, listening to probably about a thousand times, dreaming about, and completely pouring myself into. this song means the world to me, and i think the largest reason is because it’s the beginning of many many more.
it’s the start of my purpose. it’s the first time i’m addressing the world and letting the universe know i’m here for real and ready to be used, ready to serve, to give my heart, soul, stories – really ready to give all of myself to leave this place a little better than when i came. to help people put into words things they can’t themselves understand. to really spread the message that just because you come from a mess doesn’t mean that you are a mess. you can have a dysfunctional past without the necessity of a dysfunctional future. i truly believe these things, and i’ll keep repeating them over and over again, reaching as many people as i possibly can.
i always said if i impacted one person, all of this would be worth it – everything from the good to the bad. for all the times i was going through stuff with my family, with my mental health, with everything that comes from being a child of an alcoholic… it was all worth it – so worth it that i’d do the same thing over and over again. when i’m asked what the one thing is that i’d do for free – my answer is undoubtedly share my story. looking back, i spent so much time trying to act like everything was fine, trying to fit in, be the hero, take care of everything, when all i really wanted was to tell people how confused i was and how much of a toll my home life was taking on me. all i wanted was someone to understand my confusion. shit, i’m still confused sometimes and my mind is still caught up in where i’ve been now and again. the difference is now i know where i’m going and i know there’s a greater purpose, so it helps with some of that confusion.
where am i going? i always love talking with people about this. i was chatting on the phone today and i could feel myself get really amped at this point of the conversation. for me, this isn’t just about making pretty music and laughing and having an easy life. my journey as a singer-songwriter is about doing things i never thought i could do. saying things i never thought i’d be able to say. seeing things in a way i never thought i’d see them. i thought i was hopeless, useless, and pointless, and as i continue to wake up to the dreams inside my soul and start looking at them as not only possibilities, but outcomes, everything shifts. everything changes. the shit show that i used to drown in becomes a platform that holds me up – my weaknesses become my strengths.
can’t wait to have you on this journey with me. it’s about to be one amazing, unbelievable, unapologetic ride.♥