when you don’t feel like it

story tiiimmmeeee!!!

i woke up this morning at 6:45am with no alarm. that may not sound that early for some, but that is NOT normal for me. i am not a morning person – i don’t care what you heard. they lied.

honestly, my first thought? go back to bed. but then… i thought to myself… “i think you’re supposed to get up…” so i did.

it was a weird, inconvenient morning… i had a bible study group i had been invited to attend, but the night previous i did that thing where i “loosely commit” (“i’m gonna try and make it in the morning…” so non-committal…) so that i could have an easy out in the morning if i didn’t feel like going… we’ve all done it. c’mon, tell me i’m not the only one.

well. against my better judgment… i decided to just cut the crap, commit, and get my butt in the car. but i wanted to read more. but i wanted to journal more. i wanted to sit around more. i wanted to eat more. but. but. but. and then i got in the car…

as i was driving, i noticed there was an absurd number of cars that were on the shoulder with flat tires… and then immediately realized that was because there was an absolutely absurd number of Car-Sized Potholes waiting to do the same thing to me… i thought to myself, “maybe i should turn around. maybe this isn’t safe. i should just go home… where i can get back in my PJs and scroll the day away…. i mean WORK…. WORK the day away…” (we all know how this trap works…)

but i pressed on. despite my mind’s many attempts to get me to turn around, throw in the towel, and pack it in.

when i got there… i was met with an overwhelming sense of peace that i’m not really sure i can accurately explain. i’m usually not all that comfortable in the middle of a room of people i don’t know, but i sat down and struck up a conversation with a stranger instead. surprised the pants off of myself…

the dialogue that was in this room was nothing short of amazing. within 10 minutes of starting, i felt like i finally understood why pushing through all of my futile excuses and feeble attempts to stay home were worth trampling. THIS. this is what life has for us when we decide to push our boundaries and lean into our discomfort. it’s the goodness. the zest. the juice that is so worth the squeeze. these little nuggets and tidbits that we so easily miss because we “don’t feel like it.”

not only would i have missed some really good biblical inspiration, i would’ve missed the conversations with two of my friends that i don’t see often enough, which were absolutely lined with gold. humans were created for connection. and social media does. not. count, people. so stop it. it’s a cheap alternative. it’s like… the fool’s gold of human connection.

don’t get me wrong. i’m well away that i would’ve gone about my day just fine with or without this women’s group, that’s a definite. but i proved to myself that my own internal resistance was worth pressing into this morning. i showed myself there’s more to life than what i do or don’t feel like doing. there are great things in this life to enjoy if we’ll just lean in a little and take the leap, as mini or mighty as it might feel.

i’d encourage you to take note of your “i don’t feel like it” moments, too. are there things or situations worth pressing into? i truly believe that you may never know why you’re put in certain places – queue all the internal questioning i’ve done lately in my current self-care journey of selling shampoo while clinging to the original “plan” of being a musician – but you guarantee that you’ll never find out if you can’t even push through and show up. the people you could meet, the lessons you could learn, the beautiful accidents you leave space for… the list goes on – and it’s all hinging on whether or not you can get over yourself and lean in.