self esteem – Sarah Faith

me vs. me

i looked at the calendar this week and was shocked that it was the end of November already. i’m not sure how we got here… so close to 2025, yet still so many things i feel like i’d still love to accomplish this year.

maybe that’s you as well. maybe it’s been a long year, one that you can look back on and see that while a LOT of things happened, there’s still things left to tackle. and man, i really want to blame the circumstances. but i know that’s not really fair. or even true.

this isn’t the first time i’ve felt like this, and it probably won’t be the last. because the true issue is that it’s me vs. me. i’m the one that got in the way often times. i’ve got so many dreams, so many aspirations, so much drive… and sometimes, at the end of the day, i can honestly say that i’m not sure how to reach them because of two things: 1. i’m relying on myself, my own strength, and my own ideas too much and 2. i’m trusting in the actual possibility of these things happening too little.

bold statement: overthinking will kill your dreams. it will kill your motivation. it will just suck every ounce of energy you have if you let it. this is probably another one of my biggest opportunities for growth, although i will say that i’ve proven to myself time and time again that action is the way over this hurdle. even if it’s messy. even if it doesn’t make sense. there’s a certain kind of “magic” that happens when you’re putting energy out… it comes back around. stagnation breeds more stagnation, but action shakes things up. it’s like this saying that i’ve heard that has stuck with me for a couple years now: “God can’t steer a parked car.” there’s no specific direction in that statement. you just have to move. He can help you with the rest, but you do have to take some action. i do need to get out of my own head long enough to take a step forward. there’s always room to take a step sideways if you need to redirect, but if laws of inertia are true, motion is the first order of business. an object at rest will remain at rest.

maybe you’ve been here a while and you’ve heard me talking about self-care. this is another reason i think self-care is so dang important. especially this time of year. sometimes it may not connect that it has anything to do with anything else, but it DOES. you’re in motion. you’re moving. you’re thinking. you’re giving yourself space. doing a hair treatment or a skincare routine isn’t just about how my hair or skin look. it’s about my thoughts and giving myself that time to create space in there. this brain is so jam packed full of so much stuff on any given day, it’s like a dang circus. i need a minute to calm the monkeys and put out the fires. there’s magic to be found in that space! but you can’t get the space if you don’t make it. it’s too busy and crazy and chaotic of a life. and i don’t even have kids in this house all the time! so i really don’t know how the rest of you normal people do it.

easy things that help me create space:

gratitude + bible time in the morning
double washing my hair in the shower
morning and evening skincare routine
going for a walk
getting dressed in something i’d like to wear
taking a few extra minutes to fix my hair
turning on worship music

things that DO NOT CREATE SPACE

doing more things than i have the capacity for
scrolling more
thinking that the anxiety goes away by continuing to take on more
convincing myself there’s no time to take even 5 deep breaths
hyper focusing on my to-do list
equating my to-do list with success

notice how the things that create space are not really related to what we consider “progress” at all. they’re separate. they’re different. they’re kind of not even in the same neighborhood. but your brain needs it. trust me. your body needs it. trust me. it’s not the to-do list that’s going to give you peace. ever. i love getting things done, but not at the expense of my mood and physical well-being. though sometimes i forget this and work myself silly anyway… i’m working on this, too.

i guess what i’m saying is… taking these last 45 days of the year to put yourself on blast and guilt trip yourself for your failures isn’t going to create any kind of last minute progress. i don’t feel anyway… it’s certainly not a recipe for propelling you into a better 2025. what i would do is take some small actions day by day that get you in motion. i broke some promises to myself this year, too. some feel in my control, and some don’t. either way, all i can do is create the space and get the car moving. once there’s space to actually think, i think the direction becomes a lot clearer and kind of starts to take shape on its own.

i just gotta move first. because when i’m stagnant, it’s me vs. me.

what i tell myself

no fluff to start this blog, because it’s worth just jumping in. there’s no way to count the number of false things i’ve told myself in this life — stories, lies, opinions… way too many. and that’s not the punchline. that’s not the worst part. the worst part is when i believe them. and that i’m not alone.

it’s been so heavy on my heart this week the absolute number of people that are in this boat. truth is it’s not one that’s floating. it’s a sinking ship. one that we’re apparently willing to drown on. you need to get off the boat. you need to take a leap and get off of the ride. get. off. the. ride.

how many times are we going to wake up and say “man, i wish this looked different,” or, “wouldn’t it be nice if…” but do nothing about it? make absolutely zero effort to walk in that direction. we live in a wild world, but we still don’t live in a world generous enough to just give that vision to us without movement on our part. no matter how crazy it gets out there, i doubt it’ll ever be that philanthropic.

my heart breaks for every single person that wants different, can see different, and chooses a comfortable misery instead of putting forth a 1% better effort to improve their situation. i think you’re making it harder than it is. i think you think you have to have it perfectly figured out. let me be the one that takes your hand and assures you that you’re sorely mistaken. there’s no demand of perfection, you just have to give, try, believe, and let the discouraging thoughts rattling around in your head take a long walk off a short pier. success isn’t the person who gets it all right on the first try. it’s the person that gets it wrong three or four times, then gets it right, and learns a few good lessons along the way. be willing to be wrong. be willing to screw it up.

every day, there are probably thousands of people looking for ways to change their lives… and too many of them see a possibility and write it off immediately for lack of self belief or faith that there’s any reason any of that would ever come true. maybe i’m making this up, and maybe you actually know the reason, so what is it?

let me tell you about lack of self-belief. lack of self-belief is a girl who at the age of seven was abused by her mother. and that’s just the earliest memories. maybe it was earlier. the divorce happened when she was five. her dad started to see the abuse so he started fighting for custody. you would think that battle would have been kind of cut and dry. it’s a pretty simple story when alcohol is involved. but it wasn’t. not at all. the custody battle went on for five years. five long years. multiple attempts. multiple failures. multiple reasons to believe that maybe this is just “how it is” and reasons to give up completely. but the verdict was finally turned.

lack of self-belief is being kicked out of your house by a mother who’s “done fighting” for you, won’t get sober, and thinks the answer is abandoning ship instead of getting clean. lack of self-belief is believing every single story that a teenager creates about herself in the aftermath of this kind of disaster… who’s even considered ending life altogether… and is somehow still here, for some reason.

you see… i am you. i was you. i’ve wanted to quit more times than i can count. but it’s just ultimately not the answer. it’s not the story. it’s not where this plot twists. there’s more to the story. but i realized that it was absolutely, 100% never going to change unless i did. the legacy didn’t magically change. God literally picked me up with own His holy version of the jaws of life and said, “nope, you can’t have this one.”

so… i don’t say “get up, let’s go,” in vain. i don’t say it from a place of unknowing. i know how it feels. i know what it’s like. i know every debilitating detail of a million pounds of anxiety and depression weighing down on you, convincing you there’s no possibility of movement or improvement. and it’s all a lie. it’s an illusion. and the power you get to walk in when you defy every single negative thought that plagues your brain is absolutely indescribable.

permanent? no. cured? not entirely. but the voices weaken. they quiet. they settle. they lose power. they lose steam. the trick is not giving them the ammo or the focus they’re craving. ever tried not thinking of an apple when someone tells you not to think about an apple? your brain doesn’t work in negatives. this gives you the power. you shift your focus, you shift your energy, and the things that try to hold you down lose their grip on your life.

i could literally write about this for 600 more paragraphs… i won’t do that. just know you’re more powerful than you think. braver than you know. and meant for more than you can imagine.

i’d love to help you if i can. if any of these words are helpful, i’m honored to have written them. maybe there’s a leap you can take that would hold your feet to the fire and start this train moving in the right direction. i’m here for the encouragement, if that’s useful to you. <3 do something. move. you’re not a tree. join me. come be in the spaces i like to hang out that help me keep this kind of belief and fire. dark can’t drive out dark – only light can do that.