blog posts. – Page 4

//anxiety//

it’s been a heavy week for me mentally, and if i’m alone in that, that’s a good thing – i don’t wish weeks like this on anyone. i’m not tired necessarily from the week. i’m tired because i’ve been constantly battling with my mind trying to keep it as positive as possible. unfortunately, i’ve been falling short majority of the days…

what on Earth do i possibly have to worry about?! you may ask… and i’ll give you my whole whimpy list right here – maybe you can see yourself in some of this: am i doing enough?, am i good enough?, am i enough, period?, is this working?, fear and worry about success or failure, anxiety over what people think, worried i missed the boat on something, am i parenting well enough?, am i “relationship”ing well enough?, i didn’t work out today, what a failure, why am i eating so terribly?, why isn’t this happening faster?, mad that my efforts aren’t turning to fruit, worried that they won’t… should i continue? i won’t… you get the picture.

i took it to the Word, though. and without getting too preachy on you, i’ll give you some of my practical takeaways.

did you know that sometimes people obtain their success in not-so-innocent ways? have you ever stopped to consider that when you’re scrolling around in comparison mode in the black hole of the internet? people will go out of their way, oftentimes against their own inner dialogue, morals, or values to obtain success. and they’ll go brag about it like it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to them. no one is telling you exactly how they got to where they are. they are simply showing off that they got there.

when i stop to think about that, it kicks me in the face and brings me right back down to Earth. or whatever planet i’m from.

did you also know that fast success isn’t sustainable? it’s not lasting success. fast relationships, fast money, fast anything – not the same as steady and sustainable. it’s just not the thing that’s built on a firm foundation and gonna stand the test of time. fast success is just that – fast. success. not lasting success. not fulfilling success. not better, not more, not happier…. fast. and sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they fall. that’s my first takeaway.

my second takeaway – it’s not the prudent person that’s got something to prove. it’s not the grounded, sound, confident person that’s out here trying to show off or show out. that’s the insecure, not confident person. and you can be whoever you wanna be in this life, but if i’ve got my choice, i want to be grounded. i want to be well-founded. i want to build my house on rock, not sand. it’s not usually the modest person that gets noticed first, but i’ll be danged if they’re not well-respected in their own time.

i’m gonna go ahead and print these words for myself and make wallpaper out of them… i know i’m going to forget tomorrow and need a front and center reminder… feel free to do the same.

♥, SF

grace + legalism

ok, raise your hand if you’ve ever had a Tate’s cookie…? they’re this semi-recent discovery of mine, and what i’ve REALLY discovered in my adventures with Tate’s cookies is that it’s nearly impossible for me to eat just one or two. once a pack is open, it’s as good as gone.

you’re catching me right now at bed time, post tooth brushing, analyzing tonight’s snack endeavor, asking myself why i have such little self control when it comes to this particular brand and kind of cookie. but then i took it one step further and began to judge myself because i truly do try to be a person that watches what i consume, attempting to make good, informed choices. low tox, natural living, baby!! there’s just something about these dang cookies that make me throw all caution to the wind, rules in the dumpster, and devour… i mean… smash… dunked in milk, they’re an absolute delicacy.

then… as i thought further into this… i started thinking about how little grace i give myself and how downright legalistic i can be. it’s very all or nothing in this brain of mine. it’s either good or bad, but nothing in between, and if i’m being honest, i’m pretty good at picking myself apart for all the “bad” – i’m using quotations because i’m also pretty harsh when it comes to classifying and separating good from bad.

i’m “bad” for eating all seven of those cookies – but they tasted so good!! but i have no self control and how dare i ever even talk about health, wellness, or anything remotely related with habits like this.

does anyone else crack down on themselves entire too harshly, or is it just me? something moved me to write this tonight while i was brushing my teeth, so i just kind of went with it, assuming the nudge was because there was quite possibly someone that needed to hear that they weren’t alone in this internal legalistic battle.

we are together in these self critical moments, but i want us to lay off ourselves a little. i want us to not be so dang serious and legalistic about all this stuff – just eat the dang cookies and be ok with it, alright? sheesh. i mean, sure, we don’t wanna go housing packs of cookies every night, but there’s also something to be said for enjoying this life and coloring outside the lines a bit every once in a while. there’s goodness in those moments, too. a LOT of goodness. and i would hate for us to miss things that are readily right in front of us because we were too worried about perfectly adhering to some “rules” – most likely rules that we made up for ourselves!!

i didn’t do a “word of the year” this year – i’m just on a mission and i’m headed there full steam ahead. but. if i did, there would’ve likely been a whole list of words because i’m generally so indecisive. somewhere near the top of that list would have been “grace.” you’d be hard pressed to find someone that was a harsher critic on themselves than me, but dang it, i am determined to give myself some grace. i have got to loosen the necktie a bit. let the hair down. i know it might seem like i’m totally carefree and whatever – i’m here to confess to you that i truly need to give myself some more grace. grace when i’m three minutes late, grace when i eat something a bit “off brand,” grace when i don’t feel like getting ready in the morning, grace when the outfit of the day is sweats, grace when one of the kids doesn’t like the dinner i made, grace when i’m having a hard time clearly seeing the vision and i’m confused, ready to quit… just some more grace in basically every situation.

i’m gonna go ahead and assume you could use some more self-gifted grace, too. because guess what – i’m a human and so are you. and we’re gonna make mistakes. we’re here on this big blue and green rock, spinning around, semi-blindly wandering through life just like everyone else – the least we can do is make it a little easier on ourselves if at all possible.

i challenge you to letting yourself off the hook a little this week – what’s that gonna look like? and better yet, how are you gonna feel next Friday when you’ve gone a little easier on yourself for Seven. Days. Straight?!??

♥, SF

when you don’t feel like it

story tiiimmmeeee!!!

i woke up this morning at 6:45am with no alarm. that may not sound that early for some, but that is NOT normal for me. i am not a morning person – i don’t care what you heard. they lied.

honestly, my first thought? go back to bed. but then… i thought to myself… “i think you’re supposed to get up…” so i did.

it was a weird, inconvenient morning… i had a bible study group i had been invited to attend, but the night previous i did that thing where i “loosely commit” (“i’m gonna try and make it in the morning…” so non-committal…) so that i could have an easy out in the morning if i didn’t feel like going… we’ve all done it. c’mon, tell me i’m not the only one.

well. against my better judgment… i decided to just cut the crap, commit, and get my butt in the car. but i wanted to read more. but i wanted to journal more. i wanted to sit around more. i wanted to eat more. but. but. but. and then i got in the car…

as i was driving, i noticed there was an absurd number of cars that were on the shoulder with flat tires… and then immediately realized that was because there was an absolutely absurd number of Car-Sized Potholes waiting to do the same thing to me… i thought to myself, “maybe i should turn around. maybe this isn’t safe. i should just go home… where i can get back in my PJs and scroll the day away…. i mean WORK…. WORK the day away…” (we all know how this trap works…)

but i pressed on. despite my mind’s many attempts to get me to turn around, throw in the towel, and pack it in.

when i got there… i was met with an overwhelming sense of peace that i’m not really sure i can accurately explain. i’m usually not all that comfortable in the middle of a room of people i don’t know, but i sat down and struck up a conversation with a stranger instead. surprised the pants off of myself…

the dialogue that was in this room was nothing short of amazing. within 10 minutes of starting, i felt like i finally understood why pushing through all of my futile excuses and feeble attempts to stay home were worth trampling. THIS. this is what life has for us when we decide to push our boundaries and lean into our discomfort. it’s the goodness. the zest. the juice that is so worth the squeeze. these little nuggets and tidbits that we so easily miss because we “don’t feel like it.”

not only would i have missed some really good biblical inspiration, i would’ve missed the conversations with two of my friends that i don’t see often enough, which were absolutely lined with gold. humans were created for connection. and social media does. not. count, people. so stop it. it’s a cheap alternative. it’s like… the fool’s gold of human connection.

don’t get me wrong. i’m well away that i would’ve gone about my day just fine with or without this women’s group, that’s a definite. but i proved to myself that my own internal resistance was worth pressing into this morning. i showed myself there’s more to life than what i do or don’t feel like doing. there are great things in this life to enjoy if we’ll just lean in a little and take the leap, as mini or mighty as it might feel.

i’d encourage you to take note of your “i don’t feel like it” moments, too. are there things or situations worth pressing into? i truly believe that you may never know why you’re put in certain places – queue all the internal questioning i’ve done lately in my current self-care journey of selling shampoo while clinging to the original “plan” of being a musician – but you guarantee that you’ll never find out if you can’t even push through and show up. the people you could meet, the lessons you could learn, the beautiful accidents you leave space for… the list goes on – and it’s all hinging on whether or not you can get over yourself and lean in.

♥,
SF

what does it matter

I’ve been wrestling with this question a lot lately. What does any of it matter?

The world tells us that WE matter, ourselves, taking care of A Number One, me, me, me, me, me, and it’s exhausting. More stuff. More this. More that. More money. Gotta do this, gotta be that, gotta have this thing if you want to be considered part of the “in” crowd. It kind of feels like some crap i used to deal with back in high school. And there’s really no difference then to now, because i didn’t fit in then either.

I was part of the “quality over quantity” friend group aka furthest thing from “popular” that exists – there were maybe 5-10 of us. And we were all in choir. or band. Mega Nerd Alert. And i couldn’t get myself to fit in if i tried – i was into plaid pants, some with chains, some without, red and black everything, fishnet shirts, studded belts, studded bracelets, hats with flames on them… good old fashioned punk goth chick. Lord help me if i ever try and replicate any of that now – sure, my main wardrobe color is black, but i can do without all the metal accessories and flames.

Now that i’m older, i think deep down i still want to believe in quality over quantity, but i just feel like that’s so counter cultural. Everything is more. I’ll be happy when… when i get this, when i make that, when my bank account looks such, when i’m driving X car. And it honestly makes me feel like i missed the boat somewhere. Or that i’m dumb for not being able to figure it out by now. Where did i go wrong? I’m not ungrateful for what i have, i understand that there are people far less fortunate than me, but there are also people that would almost consider it a failure to not be a millionaire by age 30, driving the car of your dreams, living in some seriously fancy digs in a choice neighborhood. Things i desire? Maybe. Things i have? Not quite.

Truthfully, i’ve been gainfully unemployable for well over ten years. I started a photography and videography company back in Michigan way back when after getting out of what i thought was my dream job in college sports followed by my other dream job in graphic design – neither one of them being my dream job, clearly. So i decided to be my own boss. I don’t really think it was ever the work that i was doing that was the problem. It was the people. And it’s not that i don’t play well with others… it’s that i don’t play well with others’ stupid rules. Admit it… Half the rules in corporate America are just dumb. There’s only “one way to do things,” and that was a really hard concept for my plaid-patterned, rebellious soul to grasp.

I still don’t grasp it. I don’t understand the “one way to” anything. Sometimes it makes my path for how things work or the purpose of my life a little more fuzzy because i can’t seem to base my journey on anyone else’s track record, but alas here i am. With an unbelievable pattern of going against the grain and no promise of that changing anytime soon.

More than anything, my brain keeps wrestling with the question: what’s it all for? What’s the purpose of chasing numbers, views, followers, money, influence – what do i gain out of all these “friends,” most of whom i’ll likely never meet…? And the speed at which i’m expected to get there… maybe some of that is self-imposed, because the comparison that results from these things is sometimes too much to even quantify… but if i had it my way some days, i’d have all the deepest desires of my heart to my exact specifications, and i’d have them tomorrow. Scratch that. Yesterday. Because society told me that when i get them, i’ll be happy. Or happier. I’m not sure exactly which.

On second thought… i’m actually pretty sure that none of that works out the way “they” tell us at all, and i can be just about as equally certain that it’s mostly the exact opposite. Sometimes i think “they” could a dash of wisdom.

All the time that i’ve spent chasing bigger, more, better… hasn’t actually yielded proportional happiness in any regard. There’s no real lasting joy at the end of that tunnel. It’s cool for a minute… but then you just want to do it again. But bigger. Which… don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to have desires and goals in life, but it’s also good to humble yourself every once in a while and ask yourself what’s actually going to last in this world…? What’s the purpose… if and when i got all those things i’m dreaming of, will i truly be happier? Will i be more fulfilled? Or, my favorite question of them all, which was prompted recently during my reading of To Hell With The Hustle by Jefferson Bethke (highly recommend, by the way…), “who am i becoming in the process?”

When we die, there’s a chance that someone will remember us for a generation or two, but then poof. You’re gone. Your name fades. It’s all gone. And nothing that you earned, nothing you have, none of that means a thing to anyone else once you’re gone. You can store up all of the possessions in the world, earn all the trophies, all the gold records, all the bling, everything you ever hoped for… and maybe your kids will fight over it when you go, but really, it’s all just “stuff” and a lot of it ends up in the dump. (i know that sounds harsh, but unfortunately i’m speaking from experience…) and the only thing that actually matters is who you became along the way.

When i’ve got more success on my mind, why do i want it? For my own glory? What’s the point in that? When i’m desiring more money, why is that a thing? So i can grow my bank account? Buy myself another pair of Doc Martens? Would that really make me cooler? Happier? More joyful? No. Quite likely not. May any of the growth i want or desire have a lot more to do with making the world i live in a better place than advancing my own personal kingdom. I like nice things just as much as the next girl, but all that shiny stuff fades, the excitement of your latest achievement dies, and we’re left with the relationships we created and how we treated others. What the heck would a killer music career or thriving business do for me if i had no one to share it with?

To this i say: Quality (of faith, relationships, and life) over quantity (of money and status and stuff).

It’s hard for me to want to spend precious time on this planet trying to prove my worth through earnings and things. By showing how much better i am than other people at anything. I just want to be a positive life force on this planet that proves that your circumstances don’t dictate your joy. Your faith does. Your soul does. Your ability to humble yourself, not take stuff so seriously, and look on the bright side every once in a while does. That hurrying up to get ahead may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. That there’s a lot more value and joy in spending time with people you love instead of shooing them away, lost somewhere in chasing social media trends and buying a bunch of unnecessary crap on Amazon.

Do i feel pressured to do so? Every single day. It is maddening. It is haunting. It is one of the hardest things for me in my current season because i don’t want to want it. I don’t want to look in the lane next to me, see someone achieving things that i’d also love for myself, and wish my life was different. I don’t want to wish i was further along. I don’t want to wish for more money, more influence, more business, more listeners, more view on my latest reel, more anything…. All so i can take pictures of it and have a better looking feed or highlight reel. But i sometimes do. Too often. Because i’m a human. And i do a lot of super annoying, dumb human-y things.

All i’m saying… is it’s ok to not want what “they” want or have. Who are “they,” anyway? Are “they” happier? Are “they” healthier? How’s their faith? How’s their family life? And if you’ve only seen it on Instagram, i bet objects in mirror aren’t quite what they appear. Give yourself a break, friend. And i’m speaking to myself here, too. Give yourself some dang grace. Write it in your journal. Say a prayer. And find some gratitude. Things are happening “for” you, not “to” you, and above all, it’s our responsibility to monitor our character and the person we are becoming in the process.

♥, SF

what even is “too much?”

Firing this thing back up. Look out.

I’ve had this thought rolling around in my head lately – “what is ‘too much,’ anyway?”

It’s something i’ve been told many times in my life. It’s something i’ve felt for most of my life. And i’m still not quite sure i know really what it means. And here’s why.

Would we look at a child and say the things they’re interested in are “too much?” would we look them dead in the face when they told us what they wanted to be when they grew up (even if the answer was different from week to week), and tell them “yea, you can’t do that.” i would hope not. So why do we do it to each other (and ourselves) now that we’re grown? Does that really serve us?

I’m coming at this thought after being in my backyard scooping horse crap, as i often do… and thinking to myself, “how on earth does a girl get involved in so many things… and what sense does it make?” my guitar-playing, song-writing, shampoo-selling, clean beauty-caring, bonus-moming, relationship-doing, animal-owning self barely makes sense to myself sometimes, but why is that too much? Why do i feel the urge to make sense of it? Is it not ok to just be as i am?

Why do i worry when i’m making something for our beloved social media, whether or not it’s going to make sense to someone else or whether or not it’s “on brand” enough? Why do i worry and why do i care? And i’m positive i’m not the only one who struggles with this.

We’re in a world where we have to make sense to others, and that’s a problem to me. The only person i really wanna make sure i make sense to is myself and the One that created me. And what kind of daughter would i be if i looked my Father in the eye and said “i think you made me too much… i think i like too many things, and i really think i should tone it down… mostly because of what other people think and say.”

That sounds especially ridiculous when typed out in black and white.

If the fact that i pursue songwriting as a career but also have a passion for clean beauty but also love animals and have a bunch of them (including three farm animals in a subdivision) but also am a bonus mom and also love Jesus and also am pretty vulnerable and about the things that i’ve been through in my life and also have a great relationship to top it all off is too much, well, i guess, as politely as possible…. Go find less…?

Sure, it’s a lot to juggle sometimes, but if i’m being honest, i wouldn’t trade it. And if there’s anything in that list that i’d look at and say, “yea, that’s not worth the time it’s taking up in my life. Not worth the space…” then i guess i’ll cut it. But for now, there’s nothing in there i’d like to go without.

What made us so concerned with the portrayal of ourselves we put out into the world, anyway? Why do we even have this “instagram vs. reality” thing? Why do we spend so much time curating, perfecting, beautifying? And who says it has to be so unilateral? Or else it might “confuse” people… and you “can’t be successful” if you’re too confusing… if it’s wrong to have a rich life full of many beautiful things, then screw it, i don’t wanna be right. And that’s my final answer.

Last time i checked, no one got mad at Instagram for starting off as a photo-sharing platform and now being a full blown video editing software. No one is upset that TikTok started out as a place where dancing videos were your ticket to fame but now it’s a glorified child of Amazon. We just go along with it and figure it out, glitches and all (am i right??). Things ebb and flow and change all the dang time. Things start out as one thing and morph into another, they add, they progress, they diversify. So why are we so reluctant, even scared, to do that for ourselves? Why is it seen as a weakness to be interested, involved, or good at “too many” things?

Frankly, I’m over it. I’ve wrestled with the thought too many times for too long. I’ve wasted too many minutes trying to figure out how to present myself in a way that makes sense to y’all. So here it is in a nutshell. For today anyway. Until i add or subtract something.

Hello, i’m Sarah. I’m a musician, mainly songwriter and guitar player, and i write songs about my life – both the wins and the losses. Because of this journey i’ve been on, I care a little extra about my health, both mental and physical, and i think there’s a lot we can do for ourselves in those departments to make sure we’re setting ourselves up for success. I’m a big fan of my family, a lot of my family has fur and four legs, but i’m especially grateful for the humans. I’ve got a relationship that’s much more than i deserve and two (bonus) kids i never thought i’d have.

Yep, it’s a lot. But it’s a lot to be grateful for. I guess it’s a little like my liberal arts education…. Well-rounded.

photo credit: the incomparable Alisa Thayne <3

From Death to Life : Sarah Faith Comes Alive in Brand New Single

June 2, 2023 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., news

blues rock, divorce, independent artist, indie music, mental health, mental health music, nashville music, nashville musician, new music, sarah faith, sarah faith new song

After some heavy life challenges, Sarah Faith is rising from the ashes with a new single and upcoming record.

(Nashville, Tenn.)

Sarah Faith, an artist – songwriter based in Nashville, is once again proving that there are silver linings in tough situations. Nearly two years to the date after dropping her first full length project, Lessons From The Archives, Faith is ready to give listeners their next dose of mindful music with the release of the title track off her sophomore album, Come Alive. This release comes on the heels of the initial single, Free, which landed on all streaming platforms in February.

The Michigan-native musician was the winner of Goodyear’s From Garage To Glory competition in July 2021, beating out 2,000+ other artists and bands and earning the majority of 80,000 fan votes. The victory allowed her opportunities to play two concerts at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio as part of the 2021 Hall of Fame Induction, perform the National Anthem at the Cotton Bowl Classic in December of 2021, and go on to perform the Anthem again at the Beef It’s What’s For Dinner Xfinity Series NASCAR race at Daytona International Speedway in February 2022. During what others would consider the experience of a lifetime, back home, Faith was going through a divorce and trying to balance all of the dreams with a harsh reality that off stage, her life felt like a nightmare. In the same way as she’s always done when pain comes her way, she picked up her pen and guitar and started writing. The result is a 10-song self-produced album about recovering from divorce and moving on with strength, dignity, and grace.

“I wrote [Come Alive] about my own life, but I truly believe this song [and record] is everyone’s story. Everyone loves a good comeback, but I think we also sometimes forget that we’re capable of getting back up when we’re knocked down, too, regardless of how many times we’ve been in the valley.”
Come Alive (the single) will be released on all music purchasing and streaming platforms on June 2, 2023. Additional songs off the record will also be released in the near future before the full-length album is available in the fall of 2023.

written words

November 18, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

choose your legacy, journaling, mindset

these are some of the exact words i wrote in my journal this morning. i don’t know why i felt so compelled to share them – i guess i thought maybe they could help someone. i hope they do…

i have a hard time delineating between something not serving me and needing to pivot away and choose a new path, especially when things don’t work out. i seem to gravitate toward something taking another course as something being wrong with me and i start thinking that it’s going nowhere. really, if i sit and think about the truth, there’s been at least a hundred times when something didn’t work out and it was for my betterment. a new option that i didn’t consider surfaces and i’m back clear sailing.

the mindset i want to practice is trust.

the mindset i want to practice is peace.

the mindset i want to practice is yes, chasing big things is hard, but there’s a difference between something being hard and something not aligning with your soul. sometimes it’s hard to figure out exactly what the difference between the two things is, but there’s a small voice, an intuition, a gut instinct that’s always had my back that i know i can trust.

♥,
SF

dear self,

October 7, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

choose your legacy, meaningful music, mental health, mindset, mindset work, self care, self empowerment, self help, self love, self talk

the first letter to me, from me.

you know, it’s ok to not be ok. we’re all humans and sometimes we just have days when we’re not 100%. you don’t have to beat yourself up about it.

you don’t have to take everyone else’s opinion so seriously. shit, you don’t owe a single second to their opinion if it doesn’t serve you. none of this is really up to them anyway.

maybe it would be fun to try thinking for one whole day that you were a fucking epic creation. maybe it wouldn’t feel like you were being cocky or self-centered. maybe it would feel like you were just actually being yourself for once. beautiful, loud, outlandish, creative, vibrant, a little crazy, full of joy and energy, just the way you were created to be. just a thought.

you’re going to make it. even if you were stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing left to your name but the shirt on your back and the shoes on your feet, you would figure out how to make it. what are you afraid of?

just because it doesn’t work out just like you think it should, doesn’t mean it’s not working. don’t you think it’s a little small minded to think that you have the master plan anyway? the master plan is controlled by someone much higher than you – no offense. you probably don’t want it to work out the way you planned anyway – there are much greater things in store. things you can’t even imagine. outcomes you never considered.

your dreams and aspirations are far from stupid, far from impossible, far from worthless. whatever visions were put in your head and heart are For you – chase them.

think back to a time when you were So Full of Joy, you could hardly contain yourself. do more of that.

resting isn’t for lazy people. it’s for smart people. running yourself to the ground seems like a great thing to do, until you’re actually in the ground, unable to move, unable to dream, unable to chase because you ran too hard. it’s a marathon; not a sprint.

there are trees, and rivers, and mountains, and sunrises, and sunsets, and oceans, and animals, and canyons, and a thousand other amazingly beautiful things in this earth. the same Creator that made all of that… also made You. don’t sell yourself short. you were made to fly and shine and be. you were made for this. whatever your “this” is…. whatever makes you feel like you’re the best version of yourself. that’s who you were created to be. don’t you dare put yourself in a small box. don’t you dare be afraid to take up all your space in this world. you’re the only you this planet has ever and will ever have.

♥,

SF

yea, but…..

September 18, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

americana music, confidence, country music, female musician, meaningful music, music for healing, music with purpose, musician, nashville musician, new music, original music, sarah faith music, songwriter, vulnerability

just saying… i’m trying like hell to cut this phrase out of my vocabulary. the “yea but”s are gonna keep you from doing the things you’re put here to do. i don’t know a single person who has time for that.

i cannot count how many times i’ve been talking to someone and either i’ll suggest something to them that would be TOTALLY AWESOME, or they suggest something to me that would be SUPER AMAZING, and both of us kill the idea with a “yea, but….” a situation comes to mind where a friend of mine just wasn’t pumped with how things were going, and i simply presented the possibility of a change and i got a bunch of “yea, but”s in return. “yea, but i need the money. yea, but i don’t know where to start. yea, but it’s scary. yea, but what if it fails.?”

those are just a few that popped into mind immediately. they came up pretty fast actually because my “yea, but” muscle is a pretty dang strong one. the only thing is… my “let’s do it anyway” muscle is stronger.

i caught myself just this week – i was trying to make a decision and i heard my mind coming up with all of these “yea, but”s – a bunch of BS, fear-filled worries, really. i know that when they’re all rooted in fear, their credibility isn’t that great. so… i’m writing this as a notice that “yea but”s don’t rule my life, and they shouldn’t have a say in yours either!

here’s another example – i’ve been in way too many relationships where “yea, but”s steered me wrong. i should have left long before i did, but i kept thinking, “yea, but what if i’m wrong? yea, but what if he can change? yea, but i’m not perfect either. yea, but just one more chance.” and each and every last one of those statements kept me in a toxic relationship that wasn’t serving me or helping me become my best self. i’m thankful to have learned the lessons, but i’m not gonna keep learning them the hard way, and i’m not gonna keep wasting time on “yea, but”s.

if we only get a certain number of times around the sun, and we don’t have knowledge of what that magic number is, i think we owe it to ourselves not to waste it on “yea, but”s. personally, i’d rather spend time finding out if the fears are legitimate than living paralyzed, never able to learn anything at all. if you choose a direction, you can always change it or pivot it or shift it or whatever. if you choose to do nothing, and are terrified of the fork in the road, well, a stopped car doesn’t usually have much direction or make much progress.

it’s all our choice, though. we get to Choose!! this is all why #ChooseYourLegacy means so much to me – it makes me So So sad to see people stopped dead in their tracks because of all these “yea, but” statements they can’t get off their mind. i’ll boldly state that i am Choosing not to let “yea, but”s rule my life. i would love to know what obstacles you’re facing that need to have their power taken away!

♥,
SF

when people just don’t “get” you

September 9, 2020 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

meaningful music, musician

i’ve never been the kind to fit in. i’ve never been popular. i’ve never been the girl with the fancy clothes who had all the friends. that’s just never been me. i’ve been a thrift store shopper my entire life because growing up with an addicted single mother means an entirely different financial situation than most kids. and i’ve been made fun of plenty for it too. thrift store kids understand other thrift store kids but a lotta kids never stepped foot in a thrift store (their loss if you ask me…).

those kinds of interactions went something like this:

popular Abercrombie-wearing fellow school kid: i like your shirt, where’d you get it?

me (completely surprised a “popular kid” even knew i existed): oh…. uh… Salvation Army actually! on sale (proud, because saving money was a good thing…. a really, really good thing)

her: ……eew…..

***think Taylor Swift on Jimmy Fallon or Saturday Night Live or whatever kind of “eew.” short. sweet. to the point. horrifyingly embarrassing. nowadays, thrift store shopping is a somewhat “socially acceptable” thing to do – made a little cooler by Macklemore – but let me just take this opportunity to establish myself as an original thrift store and garage sale bargain hunter and price negotiator… formed out of necessity, not out of choice. although now, it’s completely by choice. first Saturday of the month, 50% off at the Goodwill, Who’s Coming With Me?!?!?!

i guess that’s where i got my initial sense of not fitting in. i just plain didn’t, and i still just plain don’t. i was always the girl with the “ew” clothes (until my situation improved dramatically thanks to some serious heroics from my dad). i was the girl with a mess waiting for her at home. i was the girl who usually smelled like smoke. i was ashamed to have friends much less invite them over or have sleepovers like most kids were doing. i was best friends with my younger cousin because at least he understood the dysfunction and i didn’t have to explain anything to him. i tried having a best friend outside of the family once. it got me yelled at because i was so desperate for a normal friendship that i was an extremely clingy friend. i wanted to do everything she wanted to do and i wanted to hang out away from my house all the damn time. i probably annoyed the living shit out of her. my bad. i didn’t mean to. i was just a young girl around the age of 8-12 trying to escape the reality of having to constantly be my own parent because the parent that was supposed to be taking care of me was more worried about consuming alcoholic substances than maintaining any sense of normalcy for me growing up.

this whole not fitting in thing has gotten me made fun of by peers, earned me some pretty good criticism from teachers, professors, and colleagues, as well as been the source of some commentary from coaches i’ll literally never forget due to the fact that the harsh words are burned into my brain as if scarred there by cattle prods.

i played soccer growing up. i had to basically beg, borrow, and steal in order for my mom to sign me up because it was so out of the budget, but i eventually convinced her to let me enroll in a recreational league. no way in hell i could convince her to let me tryout for a travel team. i played rec soccer for about five years, always feeling like i was faster, hustled harder, and was kinda just “better” than majority of the kids i played against. i always wished i could take on the challenge of travel soccer like a bunch of other kids i knew, but that was completely out of the question.

when my dad got custody of me, i was allowed to tryout for a travel team. i made the first team i tried out for, but i was cut the second year. so i tried out for another team and made it. played there for two years before changing teams again due to that organization folding. my third travel team was by far the most i ever felt like i belonged on a team my entire life by both the girls on my team as well as our coach. the only problem was, i was heading into my last two possible seasons of travel soccer before college. and i desperately wanted to play college soccer. having missed out on the luxury of playing high-level soccer since beginning to walk, this was somewhat of a far-fetched dream. i tried hard. i ran fast. i hustled. i communicated loudest on the field. i had the most passion on the team. i was the first one to practice and the last one to leave. i scratched and clawed to be on the field for as many minutes as possible….. and Holy Shit i got a couple college looks! no way in hell i was looking at being a scholarship player, but there were a lot of factors working against me in that department. like the before mentioned “not-playing-travel-soccer-since-learning-to-walk” bit.

i ultimately ended up playing DIII, but i was far from a super star. i played in 70+ games, our team was undefeated conference champions my senior year, yadda yadda, but i can honestly tell you that my main contribution was working my ass off in practice and screaming my ass off from the sidelines in games. i’ve got a lot of heart when i put my mind to something, and LOADS of passion. i could not have worked harder. i could not have screamed louder. i could not have given more of myself for my team. i was still the first to arrive, last to leave type. i truly felt like my first priority was the best interest of the team, even if it meant sitting the bench quite a bit. just to be completely honest, i hated the bench, but i got pretty brutally criticized for asking about my playing time, so i just shut up and played my role. i carry around many points of pride as well as resentment from my college soccer days, but no two memories are burned in my mind stronger than these next two….

the first happened during practice when, after our drill was explained to us and the team was asked if there were any questions, i raised my hand to ask mine. i wish i could remember what i asked, because i’d love to know if the response was actually warranted, but what i got was, “Merritt… sometimes i’m not sure if you ask questions because you legitimately don’t understand or because you’re asking just to ask. if you’re actually confused, ask one of your teammates for the answer.”

remember how i started this whole thing off by saying i never really fit in? yea…. i’ve never felt more like a gigantic asshole idiot than in that particular moment. i wanted to crawl in a hole and die. i was beyond humiliated. and i was so angry that i could allow myself to be recruited to a team by a coach that didn’t even understand me or respect me. oh, and i lied. this second memory made me feel even more like an asshole idiot:

each player had an annual coach-player, one-on-one meeting. we talked about how we thought things were going, what our weaknesses were, what our strengths were, and our overall goals moving forward on the team. this particular meeting wasn’t extremely productive, and was likely the reason my level of success in college soccer plummeted…. the opening statement to me was something along the lines of “Merritt… i’m gonna be honest. i don’t really know what to do with you. sometimes you’re the best player on the field, and sometimes you’re quite honestly the worst. i don’t know how to coach you….” just a side note…… if you ever find yourself in this situation of “not knowing how to coach” someone or interact with them or whatever….. i’m going to just advise that maybe you don’t start by telling them sometimes they’re the best and sometimes they’re the worst and you just don’t know what to do with them…… also. i would advise against pointing out the fact that they “always cry in meetings like this” because it’s just flat out not fucking helpful.

again. even on a team where i was asked to play. even in a situation where i was told i’d be an asset. i didn’t fit in. i wanted to transfer. i felt useless. i felt like an alien. i felt like an idiot. i hated a lot of things about a lot of years between the ages of 7 and 20 and this was by far the epitome of hatred. the stupid thing is i let it all mean that I was the problem.

im here to confidently say…… You Are Not The Problem. if someone doesn’t understand you or respect you, that is a THEM thing. NOT a YOU thing. and if it’s multiple someones…. there are 7 billion people in this world and your people exist even if you gotta turn over a lot of heavy rocks to find them. i promise you, they’re out there. for me, it’s been a shit ton of expensive therapy and a fucking all hands on deck search party to find people that vibrate at my frequency, but dammit, they exist. thank the Lord in Heaven.

it took me a long time to learn this lesson and sometimes i’m still an ugly crying ball of mess trying to figure out what the hell i gotta do to stop feeling like such a fucking weirdo, but my recall time of remembering my unique abilities and why they’re pretty amazing is getting shorter all the time. for example, i mind haters less and less. i’ve already been to the bottom of “why are you here…?” and “your questions are stupid. stop wasting my time. go ask your teammates if you’re actually confused and not this ‘fake confused’ i believe you are.” i’ve listened to far too many “God, you’re so weird Sarah. what the hell is wrong with you?” and the, “gross, can you sit over there? you smell really bad…” comments to count. it’s getting more and more background noise-esque and that feels like a major win. i had someone message me on Instagram and tell me to keep my “day job” instead of pursuing a music career – that felt awesome. sometimes people type in “crying laughing” faces on my livestreams, which i just assume means they’re having a baller ass time instead of making fun of me, although i’m sure sometimes it’s because they’re making fun of me. who gives a shit. their negativity is THEIR problem.

for all the times i’ve been judged on my weirdness, vocabulary, and tendencies, accused of stupidity, and harassed for my shortcomings, be them my fault or not, i’m sorta thankful i guess. they’re just huge warning signs not to buddy up with those people. they don’t get me. they don’t have to. i quite frankly don’t get them either. and focusing on why on earth they don’t want to be friends with me robs me of the time i need to focus on my purpose in life. my purpose isn’t to go around making people like me. and it’s not to go around forcing myself to like assholes, either. if we don’t run in the same crowd, that’s fine. i’ll find my people. i’ll keep running around, being my weird ass self, wearing my thrift store wardrobe, shouting conversations louder than socially acceptable in public and the tribe will form.

shit, it’s already forming – you know who you are. but i’ll tell you this – it didn’t start forming until i dug myself out of my perpetual pity party and stopped wasting my energy on people that just didn’t get me. i didn’t start attracting my crew until i gave up trying to figure out why certain people didn’t “like” me. i had to start really truly believing that God doesn’t make trash and he made me this way one thousand percent on purpose. He doesn’t do anything on accident, and i certainly am not the exception. neither are you.

so here’s to not only accepting that there are gonna be plenty of people that just don’t “get” us, but also being grateful for them because it’s the easiest way to stop wasting energy trying to build our tribes with people that just aren’t on our same party line. no square pegs in round holes here. thank you very much. on to the next. truthfully, i’d rather be either alone or with one or two like-minded humans than trying to bang my head against a wall with a circle full of people that are all sucking the energy out of me.

what about you?

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