mental health blog – Sarah Faith

distractions

January 23, 2025 by Sarah Faith

christian, christian blog, christian life, how to live a peaceful life, mental freedom, mental health, mental health blog, mental health for women, mental peace strategies, mindset, overcoming distractions, self care, self-care for women

squirrel!

you too, right? i can’t be the only one.

i’ll fess up. i’m the queen. i’ll be on a task and next thing i know, my phone is in my hand, and i’m looking at all kinds of things that have nothing to do with my original task. and that thing on my to-do list now takes me twice as long because my brain is in too many unhelpful, non-productive directions.

i’m distracted by things. i’m distracted by thoughts. i’m distracted by people. i’m distracted by things that on the surface look like good things, but ultimately are not THE thing, which makes them just another in a long like of distractions.

i’ve been on a journey my whole life really — we all have — to find a sense of purpose. i’ve thought i was right so many times only to be redirected some time later. and the re-directs are never without growth and lessons… take my first marriage for example. lots of growth and redirection happened there, packed with lessons i didn’t really want to learn. if i look back on all the times i’ve changed course, i can’t help but feel like i’ve just been so distracted.

it’s in these moments that i’m so thankful for the times my life has seemingly been uprooted in catastrophic ways, because i’ve been forced to get quiet, turn inward, and separate the truth from the noise. and the truth is… no matter how many distractions there are, they never win. they may temporarily win a battle here or there, but they’ll never win the war. if you’re truly committed to learning the lessons being presented to you, the distractions don’t have a permanent hold on you.

for me, distractions are nothing more than a feeble attempt at knocking me off course. if there’s no chance of changing my mind on the path i’m on, then maybe throwing a few distractions my way will delay the progress. but just like anything, you get better and better with practice. better at cutting down the distraction time, better at getting over them, better at identifying them before they even take a second of your time. it’s like reps in the gym… always adding one more, always becoming stronger, able to handle more weight.

distractions are annoying. i’m not even going to sugarcoat it at all – they’re so. dang. annoying. but the more you know about where you’re headed, the less power any of them have over you. i’m so crystal clear and dead set on where i’m going, it doesn’t matter who says or does what — i know what i heard and that’s where i’m going. no second guessing, no time to deliberate over “this or that,” and no time for all that rinky dink chatter in my thoughts trying to convince me otherwise.

i’m not trying to act like i’ve cracked the code or have it all figured out. i’m not immune. i think that only comes with more and more practice. and social media is a cruel beast sometimes, right? i can get so distracted by all the perfection, all the things people “say,” and trying to figure out if it’s true or not. but honestly… what i’ve come to realize is that it’s really none of my business. i was allowing these things to have too much power over my thoughts, and it was all just one big distraction, none of it having anything to do with what i’m trying to accomplish.

it’s like when i ask the kids to put away their laundry or brush their teeth and they end up in toy land, tinkering with anything else besides clothes or toothbrushes. what about those toys has anything to do with brushing teeth…? nothing. they got distracted. and now i’m annoyed because this is taking forever.

i do the same thing. and i’m grateful for these continued examples and lessons, because if i’m going to fuss over how much time i don’t have during the day, i definitely don’t have time for distractions.

some of the best things i’ve ever done in this department have been to put my blinders on, set some social media boundaries for myself, or just boundaries in general, and get really, really clear on the reason i began in the first place. do these distracted, sometimes comparative, sometimes negative, sometimes just not useful or helpful thoughts get me any closer to where i want to go? no? purge. it’s gotta go.

whatever it is or whoever it is and whatever it says or whatever they said — it doesn’t hold a candle to the mission you’re on. remember that. it’s not worth your peace, it’s not worth your time, and the work you have to do is far too important to allow the doubts, fears, and anxieties to have any power over your direction.

let those words sink in. think about them this week. i wrote them, but i believe they were given to me for you – i’m simply the conduit. i’m just the one that typed them into this space and hit “send.”

humility

what is it? how do we do it? can there be too much? yes.

what i’m guilty of thinking humility is – shrinking, taking up less space, not being confident in who i am, saying less, being less present (so i don’t get in the way), being unable to take compliments. among other things. but this is not humility.

i parked at Proverbs this week – Proverbs 22:4 The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the Lord is riches, honor, and life.

some people read something like this and think “all i have to do is shrink and the Lord will bless me with everything i ever wanted.” and to that i say…. good luck.

here’s what i learned + confirmed this week – humility is surrender. humility is wanting my own will less. humility is giving up thinking i had it all figured out. humility is giving without worrying what i’ll be getting because He’s got that part figured out. humility is saying Your ways are higher and better, and i’m going to humbly do whatever i need to in order to let You work through me to accomplish that. on Your time table, not mine. through Your path, not mine. humility is showing up with confidence in the path He has me on with authority, vigor, excitement, and joy. not with quietness, unenthusiastically, or meekness.

i’ve been acting a little too meek sometimes i think. i’ve been acting like i might offend someone if i say the wrong thing. and i probably will if it’s me and my flesh talking. but if i allow Him to work through me, where’s the offense in that? how can i possibly offend someone with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, or self control? what’s offensive about that?

do you find yourself taking humility too far? mine has been borderline deprecating at times, and i think i’ve about had it with that mental pattern. so here’s to showing up LOUD with love and joy and generosity. because those are the things that are going to make this world a better, more beautiful place.

you can start small by smiling at a stranger, or telling someone you love them <3 you may never know how much they needed it.

carrying stuff

it’s been a week, y’all. for real. it’s not been particularly physically demanding, but mentally, it’s been a great week of growth and introspection.

do you ever allow yourself a minute to just be introspective? if not, let this be your sign. some of my biggest moments of self-growth have been when i’m calling myself out, holding my own feet to the fire, and examining my own character to see if i’m actually being the person i’m meant to be.

let me be clear – my inner dialogue hijacked by the Holy Spirit is really what does the refining here. if it were up to me, i would just probably continue being a normal human that tries her best, but ultimately just kind of does whatever the heck she wants. this week, Spirit said no. Spirit said all those cobwebs i’ve been allowing to sit in the corner and all the dust i’ve been allowing to collect all gotta go.

so they’re going. it’s a radical accountability i’ve not really pushed myself to have until now. i think that just comes with time, and in no way am i trying to speak to you like i’m an expert, but… as someone that feels compelled to write about these things, i’m simply sharing what’s on my heart around this subject.

your conscience is calling you higher, but that doesn’t make it so. you gotta do the work. so i’m doing the work. i monitor what comes out of my mouth. i watch the friendships i’m nourishing. i watch the kinds of relationships i’m pursuing. i’m conscious about how i’m talking about and building my brand partnership. i’m weeding out songs in my set list that don’t necessarily reflect that kinds of things i’d like to be singing about. it’s like… an all encompassing overhaul. and it’s hard. but. it needed to be done.

in what ways do you feel yourself pulled? better yet, in what ways do you feel yourself frustrated…? because for me… that’s also sometimes where it ACTUALLY starts. it’s not necessarily me with all this wisdom, sitting around like, “oh… i think i should change this now…” i feel the misalignment. i feel the nudge. and it feels frustrating. and i know THAT’S the point of growth.

i titled this blog Carrying Stuff because it’s not until this growth happens that you’ll be able to carry more. it feels heavy… but you have to learn how to lift it. the only way you’re going to be able to lift it… is if you’re forced to. because Lord knows i’m not trying to be around here adding extra weight ot my plate. i’m thankful for the growth. i’m thankful for the opportunity. and i’m thankful for the growing pains. because i know they only mean that i’m on my way to being trusted with lifting more things, being responsible for more things, able to steward more things.

it’s a blessing to be a blessing – that’s the real fact. and we’re blessed to be able to be forged in this fire.

kinda deep-ish this time around… hope it helped you today ♥

vision

what’s yours? when you think about the word “vision” what comes to mind? is it a word that excites you or stresses you out?

i’ll be honest, it stresses me out sometimes. and i know exactly why.

i’m an ex-college athlete – i know what it is to set goals and work hard to achieve them. it’s hard wired into my soul. it’s who i am. to my core, i love working hard towards achieving my vision.

but what sucks is when your vision and reality aren’t playing nice together. i sometimes have a hard time liking my vision because it doesn’t feel like it’s coming true. doesn’t feel like it’s gonna be anything more in this lifetime than a nice sounding collection of “hey, wouldn’t that be nice?” fleeting daydreams.

i have a vision board this year – that statement matters because i had never created one until this year. wanna know why? i thought it was stupid. i’m just being really honest. i didn’t see the point. i’ve made magazine collages before and i thought i was above it.

my relationship with my mother? failed. my first marriage? failed. chasing dreams and envisioning things in my life hasn’t seemed to work all that well for me but you know what i’ve learned? if you’re not shooting for anything, not working towards something, you’re just standing still, which is probably the biggest waste of all.

so… yes. in 2024, i decided to have a vision board. and you know what i have to also make sure i’m mentally building into my vision? wiggle room.

make some dang space! leave some room for stuff to not go as planned. heck, leave room for it go sideways, wayward, off track, make no sense, and what i love most is leaving room for it to be BETTER than you could have originally imagined.

i’m guilty of setting a goal and only feeling like i’m successful if that EXACT goal was achieved…. no. i’ve been missing it. that’s not the definition of success. make some space in your vision – leave some room for possibility. and quit thinking you’ve got the best plan in your mind. what if there’s more? what if you’re seeing what’s right in front of your feet correctly with your lantern and what’s up around the corner is about to absolutely blow your mind??

did this meet you where you were today? <3 i sure hope so.

one more thing. and this is SO WEIRRRDDDDDDD!!!!!!! we just did a bathroom remodel… one of my photos on my vision board is of a bathtub with candles to remind me to prioritize self care. that’s been a really huge focus for me this year. here’s the WEIRD PART!!!!!!! the photo looks SO MUCH like the bathtub and bathroom we just created…. and i didn’t even TRY to do that!!! we bought this bath tub because it had the look we wanted and it was on sale… i’m completely serious. DARE TO CREATE THE VISION and then stand back and be amazed at what happens.

retaliation

May 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., Uncategorized

confidence, confidence building, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental health blog, mental health for women, Mental health tips for musicians, mental peace strategies, mindset

i’m not sure if you know this about me but i was a collegiate athlete. don’t go Googling my stats or whatever – it’s nothing impressive, but i played soccer for a huge chunk of my life. freaking love that game.

wanna know one of the biggest life lessons i learned from that game? here it is…

usually the person who gets in trouble isn’t the initial offender. it’s the one who retaliates. it’s the one who lets their anger get the best of them and lashes out. they get the call. they get caught. they do the time.

i’ve had my share of times on both sides of that coin. i’ve been the girl committing the fouls that doesn’t get caught. i’ve been the girl who’s so irritated with someone’s repeated lashings that i return the favor. so i definitely know from experience… i’ve been caught WAY more times in the latter than the former. it’s not the instigator that collects the cards on the field, and i’ll be danged if that’s not the case in life as well.

now…. i’m just gonna be honest for a second – doesn’t that just tick you off?!?! because i know it does me. sometimes i’m so convinced that i need to serve justice that i’m about one breath away from giving someone all of the pieces of my mind. not just one of them. but that ain’t it, people.

it’s hard. it’s like one of the hardest things i’ve ever tried to learn how to do. but it’s a necessary skill. people are wild. people are delusional. they’re entitled. their opinions and ways of life are vastly different than our own. and they’re pretty good at telling you allllll about it. they think they know you when they don’t have a clue. whatever the case may be… they’re digging their own graves just fine without our help.

i learned a long time ago, too, from all of my dealings with my mother and her addictions – you will never be able to reason with unreasonable people. it just never sinks in. their thought patterns don’t fire on the same cylinders, they can’t see the same reality, and their glasses are always a deluded shade of rose. they see things in their own way and there’s really nothing we can do to change that. besides not retaliate. that’s the main goal – whatever you do…. don’t. retaliate.

what dirt does someone really have on a non-reactionary human? unless they make it up entirely, the correct answer should be none. i mean, sure, some people have made some lies up about me, but that’s on them. i know it’s not the truth – therefore, they have nothing on me. go ahead and fabricate all you want, but you’re not going to take some reaction i say out of context and paint me in any one-sided light…. because there’s no reaction. there’s nothing to judge. there’s nothing to twist.

at the end of the day we’re all just people doing the best we can. i truly believe that. it’s tempting to think otherwise because it’s such a wild world, but we’re all troubled in our own regard i guess. some more than others, and i’m certainly not the least of the bunch.

here’s my challenge to you this week – when you’re tempted to react… don’t. in traffic. in the parking lot. when someone says something you can’t stand. just… don’t. honestly, i’m telling you – this is just like the point of forgiveness… it’s more for you than for them. protecting our own mental space is the only thing we really have control over, and you’ll be doing yourself a HUGE favor if you can just…. leave it. let it be. let them do whatever, say whatever, be whatever and just… don’t. <3

the horse just loves to run

i listened to Cody Asbury’s new album in the car this morning and i found myself getting really down with so many of the lyrics but one of them stuck out to me more than others:

“the jockey lives for racing, the horse just loves to run”

you could probably take these words a number of ways, but here’s my interpretation – i get excited about racing just like any human, but what i really wanna be like is the horse. win or lose, i just want to love to run. i want to have my blinders on and be so excited about where i’m going that i don’t have to care about the interpretation of the result. i don’t even have to worry about winning or not because to enjoy the journey is to win. the win or loss is subjective. how can you lose when you’re enjoying where you’re at, blooming where you’re planted? where’s the loss in that?

i don’t even want to worry about the finish line. i just want to be in the moment. running, doing, being, breathing, loving, enjoying, serving, giving – whatever it is that i need to do to run the race right now, that’s what i want to focus on. i’m not worried about the next lap. i’m not even worried about the next turn. i want “step by step” and “little by little” to be my largest concerns.

i think it’s when we are faithful with little that we are trusted with more. i think that we have to do the “little by little” first because running the entire race at once would be entirely overwhelming, not to mention the lack of sense it makes. people, we have to live one moment, one minute at a time, because we literally cannot live in two minutes at once. that’s as “nuts and bolts” as we can get… it can’t be about the next moment until we finish this one. and we also don’t get to be mad at time for passing so quickly if all we’re going to do is wish for the next chapter.

have you ever tried to read the instructions on how to build something or the entire recipe on how to cook something and realize that trying to memorize all the steps 1-10 at once is pretty impossible…? sometimes i get ahead of myself and think that i’m going to be able to follow like… four steps at once. and i’m always wrong. that never works. and the same is true for whatever path we’re on. there’s directions, but sometimes it’s as simple as, “run.” are you looking for something more complicated than that? do you think you need more information than that? sometimes we don’t get more information than that. no further instructions, no reasons why, and it doesn’t make any sense to us.

for example. i fired this blog back up about 12 weeks ago or so… i still don’t know why. you reading this right now is definitely part of the reason, but beyond that, i’m not really sure. maybe it’s not deeper than that. but i keep feeling compelled to write it. so here i am writing. and dang it, i am loving it. if there’s no further purpose, then ok, because the horse just loves to run.

i hope i allow that sentiment to bleed over into whatever i’m doing. and i hope you do to. i hope not everything you do today or this week “needs” a purpose, so to speak. i hope you can find a way to do something just because you love it. just because you’re a human who gets to breathe air into your lungs and do things for the enjoyment of being alive. not because it gains you anything, not because it “moves the needle” or whatever. just because you can. these are little moments in life that i believe we could use a lot more of.

in what ways can you just “love to run” in your life today?

in your gut

you know how there’s just some things you feel in your gut? sometimes you don’t really have the words to explain it, you wouldn’t know how to articulate it if you tried – you just know. you don’t even really know how you know or why you know. you just do.

and when you go against your gut and find out you were right in the first place, you feel like you should have trusted yourself all along. on the flipside, when you stick to your guns and keep going in the direction you know is right, popular or not, and it pays off, there’s this unbelievable sense of “gosh, i just knew it all along…”

there’s a ton of confidence to be built here. but you have to be careful. because the mind is a tricky beast. it’ll tell you you’re right to the end of this earth, but that doesn’t make it so. my favorite is when my brain tells me i “deserve” this or “deserve” to feel this way – that should be a red flag. well-grounded desires are not founded on whether or not we “deserve” this or that – that’s just our own ego and self-righteous nature.

i just gotta make a note here. because i heard something in a conversation yesterday with a friend and it was spot on – there’s a point in your conscience where you’re asked to delineate between what’s “right” and what’s “almost right.” there’s a ton of character to be built here. a lot of times what seems “almost right” is really just self-seeking and ultimately “pretty good” but maybe not great. those things you “wish you could have,” or those shoes you probably shouldn’t buy, but you justify anyway. that’s not the “go with your gut” i’m talking about. there’s nothing to be built from consistently choosing what’s “almost right.” there’s nothing to be gained from choosing the path you claim is being paved for you, when it’s really just what’s most convenient for you. the path where we see that we stand to gain the most isn’t always the right choice. that’s just us being humans, being solely concerned with controlling our circumstances, keeping up with the Joneses, looking for ways to obtain the shiny things.

you know you’re getting in your own way when you need your side of the story. you know you’re straying from center when there’s a “version” – there is no “my truth” – there’s just… truth. period.

a big part of anything you could call “confidence” in me is because of trusting my gut, if that’s what you want to call it. not always trusting “the best outcome for me,” or “where i gain the most.” but what’s really right… morally, ethically, etc. too often what we “wish” was right and what’s actually right are two different things. i don’t call it gut or intuition or any of that really – i know what’s leading me. or more importantly Who is leading me. and it really takes that whole mystery aspect out of the gut instinct altogether. does this “gut feeling” ultimately benefit me the most? am i twisting things to make it look like the best option? the “right” path isn’t going to have you acting in any other way besides 100% truthful, with nothing to prove and nothing to explain for ourselves. it doesn’t involve throwing anyone under the bus. you’ll never have to make someone look bad so you look better. it doesn’t require us to go above and beyond and make sure people know our side, and it doesn’t require some gray area justification or interpretation of the rules.

you know. you’ll always know. you can feel it. when something isn’t quite right about something or someone, you just know. when you’re justifying your “left of center” temptation to yourself, you just know. there are people that i can sit with and wonder why i have this unexplainable palpitation in my chest, and not in a good way. these are not people i try to spend a whole lot of time around – i try to avoid it altogether if i can. my spirit knows, and i bet yours does too.

i’m not sure if this is resonating with anyone today, but i sure hope it is. you need to know the power you have in your own body, mind, and the directions you’re being nudged. the appeal of what you want to happen may be great, but the reality of what you need and the feeling of keeping your conscience clean is greater. you need to know that you’re smarter, more capable, more aware than you think. trust yourself. trust that inner voice. sometimes something can be “marketing” as one thing, but it’s not really that hard to see through the crap when you trust yourself.

there’s probably a lot more you’re doing right than you’re giving yourself credit for if you’re operating in your life with a good, clean heart and honest intentions – not the ones that seek ways to serve yourself first above all else. that’s why when something seems a little “off” about someone, you feel it in your chest. that’s why no matter how hard you try to fight it, at the end of the day, your inner being just knows that it’s not going to work. you also need to know it’s not your job to make it work. it’s not your job to expose, prove, call out, change, fix, or power through. you’re not responsible for that. that’s called boundaries, and there’s a ton of confidence to be built there, too.

boundaries help us keep our own lawn clean. we don’t have control over too many things in this world, but we do have a good bit of government over our “space.” our “bubble” so to speak is completely under our jurisdiction. who comes in, who stays, for how long, what we allow to change our atmosphere – we get to call the shots on these things, and when we do a crappy job of governing our own space, our spirit knows it. i’m guilty of trying to be a peacemaker and letting my boundaries slack so someone else’s feelings don’t get hurt. wanna know who always ends up with the short end of that stick? me. every single time. and i’ve learned that it’s really not worth it. when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. but don’t be afraid to put your own judgments on trial, too – because SHOCKER – sometimes your conscience is WRONG!!! sometimes it falls into that “almost right” category – examine it! test it!

at the end of the day it’s really not worth trying to appease someone else at my own expense. and it’s not “unChristian” to act this way. protecting our own space is one of the best things we can do because it allows us to be mentally available for the things we’re actually responsible for instead of cleaning up the mess someone else came in and crapped all over our floor.

three things i wanna leave you with in this post – trust your gut, challenge your selfish human nature, and work on building stronger boundaries. i’d love to know your thoughts about how you think these things might impact your mental space. do you need to make improvements in these areas?

walking

March 4, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

blogs about faith, christian, christian blog, christian life, comparison, healing, improving mindset for women, know the truth, mental health, mental health blog, mindset, performance, positive mindset development, who God says i am

i was moved this afternoon to go for a run. can’t tell you the last time i did it… but i’ve definitely done a looooot of it over the course of my life. i’ve always been an athlete, i was a collegiate soccer player, running is something with which i am very familiar. i just got back actually, and immediately sat down to write this. turns out i still do a lot of thinking when i run… it’s all very much like riding a bike. i’m just not 18 anymore… that’s the main difference.

ya know what i realized…? i’ve spent (read: wasted) so much of my life making sure that when i’m running, no one sees me walking. i’ve even gone as far as judging “how” i’m running, if i look strong enough, if i look like a beginner, if i “run like a girl…” you know… always all these good things happening between my ears.

in college, i was afraid that my coach didn’t think i was working hard enough and that if i worked harder, he’d notice and i’d be “allowed” to contribute more minutes in games. matter of fact, i wanted a starting spot on the roster. and i wanted it So. Badly. like… WAYYYY more than anything else in my 18-19-20-year-old world… i thought FOR SURE that working harder was going to get me there. i’ll be damned if i wasn’t the hardest working player on the whole dang team. i was the first one to arrive, the last one to leave, i volunteered to do crap i had no interest in doing, carried a bunch of crap, helped out, managed equipment, worked harder, ran faster… i did it all. i was the quintessential “leave it all on the field” girl… i obeyed the team rules… i even caught a fellow teammate red-handed drinking at a frat house the night before a game… brought it up to my captains and coach… she still started. and i still didn’t. guess what? i was actually pretty much benched my entire junior and senior years. saw all of 5 minutes a game. and still broke my back at practice, hoping to just get to 10 minutes on the field during any game, whether it was one that mattered or not. i don’t even want to talk about how hard i worked the summer before my junior year on breaking 6 minutes in the mile run, only to do it… second fastest time that year… and have it not matter at all. it didn’t change one thing. i still rode the bench. i was told it was for all kinds of reasons, reasons that don’t deserve to be hashed out here, but the truth is the hard work wasn’t changing his mind. it never did. and it was probably never going to.

“i’m not good enough” rattled around in my head an awful lot as a soccer player. sometimes it still does. maybe i really did suck and i just never really knew it. maybe putting me in a game was such a liability that i was better served cheering off to the side. despite all my “try hard,” i just couldn’t quite hack it. but i just thought of something while i was on this run / walk thing i just did. because it’s been so long since i last ran… there was quite a bit of walking involved.

all this time spent working my face off, trying to gain rank, and making sure other people “see me running” is probably pretty annoying to people that sometimes have a hard time walking. and all the time i spend judging myself for walking, there are people wishing they could just get one foot in front of the other, but for some reason, can’t seem to get their legs moving.

maybe it matters more that you’re moving. not the speed at which you’re traveling. maybe it’s ok for today that two of my neighborhood laps were jogs and one was a walk with a guilt-inspired trot up the hill at the end. (some habits really do die hard, folks…)

i just couldn’t deny this thought i was having in my inner dialogue – the harder you work, or the more “perfect” it looks… is it all really gaining what you think it’s gonna gain? and is there maybe some truth to the thought that an onlooker trying to get inspired to move is actually uninspired by the grind… uninspired by the perfectionism. i’m over here trying to “be the best” and really someone is just trying to “be.” they can’t even think about trying to be the best and they’re overwhelmed entirely by the concept… maybe to the point of doing nothing at all.

so yeah, i walked a bit on my run today. and oh my gosh, i let some other random neighbors see me do it (who probably did not even notice, much less care). and the thought crossed my mind, “they’re gonna think i’m a quitter. they’re gonna think i’m weak because i didn’t run this whole time,” but really i just need to put that down because it’s not mine to carry. i’m not sure exactly where it started, but if it was college soccer, that was 13 years ago and i think 13 years is long enough to carry around an extremely unhelpful way of thinking.

truth is i’ve been trying to matter my whole life. my performance has been driven by affirmations. i was waiting for someone to tell me i was doing things well enough, but no matter whether the affirmations come or not, i’m never satisfied. because my head’s in the wrong place. it doesn’t matter whether or not someone tells me my job is done well. it didn’t matter if my coach thought my performance was “good enough” and it doesn’t matter if my neighbors think i’m “running fast enough.” it doesn’t matter if social media thinks my content is good, funny, or entertaining enough. it’s just a mental game we all get sucked into playing that doesn’t deserve our energy in the first place. because when it’s all said and done… and we’re waiting in like to get in to Heaven… i HIGHLY doubt God is going to let us in based on our Instagram following, virality, or content, or whether or not i rode the bench on my college soccer team, or whether or not i ran all of the laps and steps in my out-of-nowhere urge to run this afternoon.

it is good to want to be better. it is good to be a diligent and hard worker, and i learned some dang good lessons from being an athlete. i’ll never argue with any of that. but if the effort i’m putting forth is coming with the expectation that someone else is gonna tell me when i’ve “made it,” i oughtta saddle up, because i might be waiting a while. it may never happen. and even if the “atta girl” does come, they’ve never filled me up for long in the past because “they” aren’t any more in charge than i am. we’re all living our lives, trying to make the most of our days, and while wanting to live for others or serve others can definitely be life-giving, living for their approval is not. it’s been very life-sucking in my years of experience. it’s almost a resume line item at this point – SKILLS: well-versed in the area of searching high and low for the approval of others. note: not skilled in finding it; the search is ongoing.

we gotta quit this. we gotta give it up. we need to find a way to stop trying to gain something through the approval of others. it’s really not up to them. i hate that when i was working a “real job,” i was absolutely drowning in these thoughts. always searching for affirmations, always wondering whether or not i was good enough, doing well enough, ever going to climb the ladder, ever going to advance. i hate that it’s so common in our society and the workplace to feel this way. i hate that our fate so often lies in someone else’s hands, because it definitely created some negative thought patterns in me – ones i was especially susceptible to after being the kid who thought her good behavior would somehow, someday get her mother sober. It Never Did. She Kept Drinking. it was never about me – it was about her and her inability to put the bottle down. my worth was never designed to come from her, a boss, or a coach, but i’m afraid that too often we get caught up in thinking it does. heck, i’m clearly still caught up in it today to some degree.

the difference today is i KNOW where my worth ACTUALLY comes from and it’s my responsibility to take time to re-center myself and remember. it’s my job to stop the negative thought pattern, understand the difference between worldly views and truth, and make a better choice. it’s not the walking, the running, or the speed of travel that actually matters. it’s not the opinions of others that are gonna get me into Heaven. hard work is one thing, exhaustion from seeking approval is another.

and now, in true “i swear, i’m only writing this to help somebody, i swear i’m not seeking approval,” fashion – did you get anything from this one??

♥, SF

what even is “too much?”

Firing this thing back up. Look out.

I’ve had this thought rolling around in my head lately – “what is ‘too much,’ anyway?”

It’s something i’ve been told many times in my life. It’s something i’ve felt for most of my life. And i’m still not quite sure i know really what it means. And here’s why.

Would we look at a child and say the things they’re interested in are “too much?” would we look them dead in the face when they told us what they wanted to be when they grew up (even if the answer was different from week to week), and tell them “yea, you can’t do that.” i would hope not. So why do we do it to each other (and ourselves) now that we’re grown? Does that really serve us?

I’m coming at this thought after being in my backyard scooping horse crap, as i often do… and thinking to myself, “how on earth does a girl get involved in so many things… and what sense does it make?” my guitar-playing, song-writing, shampoo-selling, clean beauty-caring, bonus-moming, relationship-doing, animal-owning self barely makes sense to myself sometimes, but why is that too much? Why do i feel the urge to make sense of it? Is it not ok to just be as i am?

Why do i worry when i’m making something for our beloved social media, whether or not it’s going to make sense to someone else or whether or not it’s “on brand” enough? Why do i worry and why do i care? And i’m positive i’m not the only one who struggles with this.

We’re in a world where we have to make sense to others, and that’s a problem to me. The only person i really wanna make sure i make sense to is myself and the One that created me. And what kind of daughter would i be if i looked my Father in the eye and said “i think you made me too much… i think i like too many things, and i really think i should tone it down… mostly because of what other people think and say.”

That sounds especially ridiculous when typed out in black and white.

If the fact that i pursue songwriting as a career but also have a passion for clean beauty but also love animals and have a bunch of them (including three farm animals in a subdivision) but also am a bonus mom and also love Jesus and also am pretty vulnerable and about the things that i’ve been through in my life and also have a great relationship to top it all off is too much, well, i guess, as politely as possible…. Go find less…?

Sure, it’s a lot to juggle sometimes, but if i’m being honest, i wouldn’t trade it. And if there’s anything in that list that i’d look at and say, “yea, that’s not worth the time it’s taking up in my life. Not worth the space…” then i guess i’ll cut it. But for now, there’s nothing in there i’d like to go without.

What made us so concerned with the portrayal of ourselves we put out into the world, anyway? Why do we even have this “instagram vs. reality” thing? Why do we spend so much time curating, perfecting, beautifying? And who says it has to be so unilateral? Or else it might “confuse” people… and you “can’t be successful” if you’re too confusing… if it’s wrong to have a rich life full of many beautiful things, then screw it, i don’t wanna be right. And that’s my final answer.

Last time i checked, no one got mad at Instagram for starting off as a photo-sharing platform and now being a full blown video editing software. No one is upset that TikTok started out as a place where dancing videos were your ticket to fame but now it’s a glorified child of Amazon. We just go along with it and figure it out, glitches and all (am i right??). Things ebb and flow and change all the dang time. Things start out as one thing and morph into another, they add, they progress, they diversify. So why are we so reluctant, even scared, to do that for ourselves? Why is it seen as a weakness to be interested, involved, or good at “too many” things?

Frankly, I’m over it. I’ve wrestled with the thought too many times for too long. I’ve wasted too many minutes trying to figure out how to present myself in a way that makes sense to y’all. So here it is in a nutshell. For today anyway. Until i add or subtract something.

Hello, i’m Sarah. I’m a musician, mainly songwriter and guitar player, and i write songs about my life – both the wins and the losses. Because of this journey i’ve been on, I care a little extra about my health, both mental and physical, and i think there’s a lot we can do for ourselves in those departments to make sure we’re setting ourselves up for success. I’m a big fan of my family, a lot of my family has fur and four legs, but i’m especially grateful for the humans. I’ve got a relationship that’s much more than i deserve and two (bonus) kids i never thought i’d have.

Yep, it’s a lot. But it’s a lot to be grateful for. I guess it’s a little like my liberal arts education…. Well-rounded.

photo credit: the incomparable Alisa Thayne <3