blog posts. – Page 2

in the quiet

November 5, 2024 by Sarah Faith

christian, christian blog, christian life, finding purpose, god first, how to live a peaceful life, mental health, mental peace strategies, mindset, music with purpose, musician, purpose driven, purpose driven life, self care, self-care for women

i was talking to a friend about the upcoming single. and it hit me. i should be excited. i should be pumped. i should be thrilled. i should be unable to shut up about it. but… i don’t really feel that way. i used to be so invested in getting as many people to hear it as possible, as many pre-saves as possible… just so in the rat race of forcing it on people, trying my hardest to get it in their ear canals.

do you want the truth? here it is. it is so hard to feel like you have any kind of talent whatsoever or that it even matters that you’re creating art when it doesn’t seem like the world cares about any of it — the talent i mean. it’s all vanilla to me. and i hate feeling like that. i hate saying it. i hate typing it. but it’s how i feel. then i remember feelings are liars… and feelings aren’t the truth. but it’s really hard to care. it’s really hard to push, force, assert… when this music is so not about me. it wasn’t my idea. i thought we were done. i thought it was over. but… God.

i keep asking Him why He’s calling me into this. i can’t seem to bring myself to blast this song or this album all over social media, begging people to listen, save, download, buy, like i used to. the last album, i have no idea how many people probably got sick of me and my every other sentence, because it had something to do with listening to my record. i don’t care to do that this time. for whatever reason. i mean, don’t get me wrong, i want you to listen. i think it’s well worth 4 minutes of your time. but i’m feeling like being quiet about it and just releasing it into the world without all the circus tactics.

i wrote this song and this record because after i laid down live performances, i started feeling all of these songs flooding into me. i couldn’t explain it, but i hadn’t had that kind of inspiration to write in months. literally… so i leaned into it. and what i loved about it was that it just kind of… came out. nothing was forced. nothing felt like it was fitting a square peg into a round hole. i asked Josh if he wanted to help me write this project, and he was instantly on board. so we just started writing. i had a bunch of stuff written before we started, but the flow just felt different.

the production felt different. i honestly hadn’t picked up a guitar in months, but the solos felt different. the whole structure of the recording felt different. and i’m so excited about it, but not in the same way as before. not in the same in your face, “you have to hear this, listen to this, omg did you know i recorded a song?!?!” way. i just feel… chill. calm. accepting of whatever is.

to say i know the exact purpose of this record would be a lie. it’s weird to feel like you’re giving something up and then being told to keep doing it. but i have to trust. i have to have faith. i know for a fact that i’m not interested in placing my art in an environment where it has the possibility of no longer being mine, so in true independent artist fashion, this is how it’s going to go. i’m gonna write it. i’m gonna record it. i’m gonna put it out. wash, rinse, repeat.

sometimes i find myself forgetting that fact that sometimes the best things happen in the quiet. as an artist, i’ve been “quiet” for a while. no public releases, no shows, just introspective time trying to understand what this gift is supposed to be used for. what i have to keep reminding myself is this:

the truth, the direction, the purpose… comes from a still small voice… one that cannot be heard in the loud. it can only be heard in the quiet. it doesn’t raise it’s volume above the chaos. it doesn’t try to be heard over the rest of the noise. it just sits and waits patiently to tell me the same things it’s been saying all along. whether i want to hear it or not. whether i want to believe it or not. it will just keep calmly, kindly, lovingly, and consistently saying the same thing.

you can’t miss what’s meant for you. it’ll gently follow you around until you finally get quiet enough to actually listen. and i’m guilty of “listening” but immediately doubting, writing off, and continuing with whatever i want to do. i did it for a long time with performing. until i couldn’t ignore it anymore. once i got that out of the way, then came the call to write.

listen, i don’t have it all figured out. far from it. i’m not writing this from a place of complete understanding. but, i can’t really deny the confidence that small voice possesses. it’s way more confident than some of my loudness… loud does not equal confident. don’t get it twisted. sometimes loud is nothing more than an attempt to not be found out. sometimes loud is all a cover for the times when i feel like i have no idea what i’m actually doing, or even better… when i’m trying my hardest to ignore or drown out those gentle nudges i don’t want to admit might actually be on to something.

don’t be afraid of the quiet. don’t be afraid to lean in. don’t be afraid if it doesn’t make sense. maybe it’s not supposed to. and maybe you’re wasting time trying to figure it out. these are all lessons i’m currently actively learning… do they hit home for you?

what i tell myself

no fluff to start this blog, because it’s worth just jumping in. there’s no way to count the number of false things i’ve told myself in this life — stories, lies, opinions… way too many. and that’s not the punchline. that’s not the worst part. the worst part is when i believe them. and that i’m not alone.

it’s been so heavy on my heart this week the absolute number of people that are in this boat. truth is it’s not one that’s floating. it’s a sinking ship. one that we’re apparently willing to drown on. you need to get off the boat. you need to take a leap and get off of the ride. get. off. the. ride.

how many times are we going to wake up and say “man, i wish this looked different,” or, “wouldn’t it be nice if…” but do nothing about it? make absolutely zero effort to walk in that direction. we live in a wild world, but we still don’t live in a world generous enough to just give that vision to us without movement on our part. no matter how crazy it gets out there, i doubt it’ll ever be that philanthropic.

my heart breaks for every single person that wants different, can see different, and chooses a comfortable misery instead of putting forth a 1% better effort to improve their situation. i think you’re making it harder than it is. i think you think you have to have it perfectly figured out. let me be the one that takes your hand and assures you that you’re sorely mistaken. there’s no demand of perfection, you just have to give, try, believe, and let the discouraging thoughts rattling around in your head take a long walk off a short pier. success isn’t the person who gets it all right on the first try. it’s the person that gets it wrong three or four times, then gets it right, and learns a few good lessons along the way. be willing to be wrong. be willing to screw it up.

every day, there are probably thousands of people looking for ways to change their lives… and too many of them see a possibility and write it off immediately for lack of self belief or faith that there’s any reason any of that would ever come true. maybe i’m making this up, and maybe you actually know the reason, so what is it?

let me tell you about lack of self-belief. lack of self-belief is a girl who at the age of seven was abused by her mother. and that’s just the earliest memories. maybe it was earlier. the divorce happened when she was five. her dad started to see the abuse so he started fighting for custody. you would think that battle would have been kind of cut and dry. it’s a pretty simple story when alcohol is involved. but it wasn’t. not at all. the custody battle went on for five years. five long years. multiple attempts. multiple failures. multiple reasons to believe that maybe this is just “how it is” and reasons to give up completely. but the verdict was finally turned.

lack of self-belief is being kicked out of your house by a mother who’s “done fighting” for you, won’t get sober, and thinks the answer is abandoning ship instead of getting clean. lack of self-belief is believing every single story that a teenager creates about herself in the aftermath of this kind of disaster… who’s even considered ending life altogether… and is somehow still here, for some reason.

you see… i am you. i was you. i’ve wanted to quit more times than i can count. but it’s just ultimately not the answer. it’s not the story. it’s not where this plot twists. there’s more to the story. but i realized that it was absolutely, 100% never going to change unless i did. the legacy didn’t magically change. God literally picked me up with own His holy version of the jaws of life and said, “nope, you can’t have this one.”

so… i don’t say “get up, let’s go,” in vain. i don’t say it from a place of unknowing. i know how it feels. i know what it’s like. i know every debilitating detail of a million pounds of anxiety and depression weighing down on you, convincing you there’s no possibility of movement or improvement. and it’s all a lie. it’s an illusion. and the power you get to walk in when you defy every single negative thought that plagues your brain is absolutely indescribable.

permanent? no. cured? not entirely. but the voices weaken. they quiet. they settle. they lose power. they lose steam. the trick is not giving them the ammo or the focus they’re craving. ever tried not thinking of an apple when someone tells you not to think about an apple? your brain doesn’t work in negatives. this gives you the power. you shift your focus, you shift your energy, and the things that try to hold you down lose their grip on your life.

i could literally write about this for 600 more paragraphs… i won’t do that. just know you’re more powerful than you think. braver than you know. and meant for more than you can imagine.

i’d love to help you if i can. if any of these words are helpful, i’m honored to have written them. maybe there’s a leap you can take that would hold your feet to the fire and start this train moving in the right direction. i’m here for the encouragement, if that’s useful to you. <3 do something. move. you’re not a tree. join me. come be in the spaces i like to hang out that help me keep this kind of belief and fire. dark can’t drive out dark – only light can do that.

things i wish more people knew

i had this thought this week and knew i needed to write about it. then i forgot, it slipped my mind, we went on a road trip, came back, it never resurfaced…. until just now when i sat down to write this.

immediately, the thought resurfaced – that’s how i know it’s the right one. that’s how i know it deserves a spot on the blog.

there are so. many. things. i wish more people knew. i could likely write another 100-page thesis about this topic. not because i’m a genius… but because there have been so many things that i’ve learned the hard way, i’d like to save someone from that if i could. too many people ask me how i’m so brave, where my thoughts come from, how i’m so “wise,” and it makes me sad because i don’t have access to anything you don’t. i just knew things needed to change if my life was going to. i couldn’t keep living in the shade and shadows of victimhood that the cards of my life kept trying to deal me.

so here we go:

i wish more people knew it’s ok to be wrong. it’s ok to screw it up. it’s ok to get it completely upside down, sideways, unrecognizable… because you can always fix it. you can always right the wrong. you can do it wrong a bunch of times and keep learning about all these different ways to do it almost right. eventually you will get it right. people don’t generally stay wrong forever. that would be more like the definition of insanity. you’re naturally going to improve. you’re naturally going to get closer and closer to the right place and you will eventually land in the right place. you’ll be more well-rounded the more risks you take and the more “wrongs” you rack up… if you’re convinced that’s what they need to be called.

i wish more people knew that there’s no benefit in life to taking yourself so seriously. no one gets an added bonus or any special perks for having less fun or being more stuffy. it’s not that serious. i guarantee it, no matter what “it” is. it’s a harder path living like it’s all gotta fit in between the lines, so you owe it to yourself and the days you’re subtracting from the end of your life to loosen up a bit. you can’t add days to your life by worrying more – the Bible even says so.

i wish more people knew that comparison is the absolute thief of joy. all the time wasted with your head on the swivel is time that could’ve been spent focusing on your own path, your own skills, your own strengths – there’s no way to get better at your own zone of genius by wishing you had someone else’s. anyway, it’s theirs. head on the swivel may be good in a war situation, but it’s not helpful when you’re battling between your ears, trying to create some momentum for yourself on in uncharted waters.

i wish more people knew that rest is, indeed, productive. it’s hard enough to get it all done as it is, much less with half a tank of gas in the tank. i’d say maybe women feel this more, but i’m not sure that’s true. i think men probably believe in the lack of rest just as much as the next human does. there’s no special badge you get to wear for being the most worn or burned out, either, so it would do us all some good to just hang it up every now and then. once a week really isn’t too much to ask. give yourself a day to recharge. honestly, there should be some rest time daily… and that five hours of sleep you’ve been surviving on does NOT count as rest. that’s a sad excuse for a night of sleep, is what that is. you’re killing yourself.

i wish more people knew that precisely NO BODY has it all figured out… but guess what… everything is figure out-able. you CAN figure it out, even if you’re not there right now. you’re not stuck. you’re not a tree. you can move. also… the perfect time doesn’t exist. being “ready” for whatever that next move is doesn’t either. social media is a liar. every person you see whose life looks “perfect” and “aesthetic” is lying if they don’t also show up on the crappy days. a good aesthetic is not reality. i think we live under this illusion sometimes that people are further along because they had some kind of golden knowledge that we don’t have and can’t get. not true. couldn’t be further from the truth. they just had the ability, whether it was guts or reckless abandon, to throw caution to the wind and move scared.

so do it anyway. because if you don’t, someone else will. those you’re watching take the action are doing it scared, myself included. wanna know who gave me permission to start writing in this blog? no one. wanna know how many people i’m “more qualified” than to write these things? precisely zero. but i had an idea, and i went with it and i’m still just going with it.

if you needed permission, here it is. take it from me. i’m not qualified to give it, but you’re not qualified to just sit on your butt and not take action towards those things you really really wish you could start or figure out or whatever other excuse you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t have or do what you want. we live in a weird time, but it’s also a blessed time of opportunity where you can basically create a reality if you don’t like the one in which you’re currently existing.

it’s time. it’s been time. it’s past time. you know it. i know it. we both know it. so. here’s the five things i think you should know and now you know them, so you can get moving on that thing now.

i can’t wait to see how big, bold, beautiful, and amazing it is.

♥,
SF

a new record

well. i didn’t really know what else to title this… nothing cryptic, no keeping the cat in the bag…. but we’re working on another record.

a few months ago, it was very clear to me that it was time for me to lay music down and i cancelled all of the live performances on my calendar. to be honest with you, i’m not still not quite sure how i did that. i was texting through tears the entire time. it made no sense to me how i could so clearly feel in my gut that this was the right thing to do. but i just knew it’s what had to be done. i knew it was time.

at the time, i had zero motivation to play one note on a guitar. not a single bit of inspiration coursed through my veins. i hadn’t recorded a note in months, probably not since i released Come Alive… i thought it was gone. i mean, i really thought…. “good goin’, kid. you taught yourself another useless skill…” after all, that’s sometimes what it feels like to have built a photography business in Michigan for five years only to shut it down completely for music. just meandering along, teaching myself random skills that i later abandon for unknown reasons…

i can really be a jerk to myself sometimes… i’m working on it.

a few weeks ago… another nudge. i started getting weird sporadic inspiration for songs, verses and choruses and chord progressions started coming randomly into my mind. i’d be doing something like laundry or taking a walk and another song would make its way into my mind… i think i probably ignored it at first because even if i did flesh out the entire song, i didn’t know what the heck i would do with it.

finally i had enough… the ideas wouldn’t leave me alone. so i started writing a couple of them in my Google Docs like i’ve always done — “idea” with the date. a few of them just stuck in my head, bouncing around and around, almost begging me to write them. eventually, the sentiment came… “write another record.” what? where is this coming from…?

“write another record, Sarah. write a Christian blues rock record.” such a clear direction. pretty hard to ignore. and crazy sounding, might i add… how on Earth am i gonna make THAT!? (from the heart… that’s how…)

so i’ve been diving in. that’s the news. i’m making another record. and it dives harder into blues, rock, some jazz and funk, more guitar, more instruments than i’ve ever experimented with… but i’m very excited to see what comes from this. i’m writing it with my buddy Josh Tobias, which, if you haven’t heard his stuff, i’d love for you to go take a listen. dude is mega talented. i’ve written some of my most favorite songs with Josh — it’s been really fun inviting him into this project.

fun short story on that: i told him i felt compelled to write another record and felt pretty strongly that he was supposed to be writing this with me. his immediate response was, “i’m in. say when.” turns out, he’s apparently been wanting to write something like this for a while so being asked to be part of this is hopefully as much of a gift to him as it is to me.

i think you’re gonna like this stuff. i know i say that every time, but if you’ve been following the evolution of my musicianship at all, this is going to be something i’m super proud of. there’s some killer emotions, themes, sentiments, and inspiration being collected and fleshed out for this one, and i’m hoping it’s going to inspire you in a bunch of ways.

i wanna write this record “in the gap” so to speak. i’m writing it for the person who’s going through it but knows there’s something more to life than their valleys. i’m not writing this from the top of the mountain. i’m not writing this about a life lived without trial or tribulation — that wouldn’t be a story i know anything about. i’m writing this for the person who, like me, finds themselves in some pretty desolate lows and knows relief is possible, but sometimes it seems like it’s far more common for others, or just out of reach. it’s for the person that needs something to hold on to and needs to figure out who this Jesus guy is because He might just be the last and only hope.

i won’t say much more right now… but i just wanted you to know. something’s coming, and i hope you’ll stick around and give it a listen.

♥, SF

kenzi.

August 3, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts., Uncategorized

i’ll take you back to the beginning. it’s cathartic for me, and it’ll give you the full spectrum.

in late 2016, i got a call from my Grandma telling me my mother was sick and i needed to do something about it. the problem was i had spent my entire life trying to “do something about it” and the sickness wasn’t anything i could do anything about. in the simplest terms, my mother was drinking herself to death.

i was living in Michigan at the time and she was in Ohio. i had not seen her in years, which i wasn’t necessarily proud of, but the alcoholism was absolutely taking over her life and there was quite literally no place or space for me there. so i loved her from afar. until i was called in, so i went.

it was only a short two hour drive from my door to hers, and i left almost immediately. when i got there, i saw a mother i hardly recognized living alone after losing her husband to cancer, withered to no more than 70 pounds, helplessly trying to ride it out. i don’t even know what her plan was… i asked her if she wanted to live and she told me yes, but her habits told me otherwise.

i remember asking her what i could do for her. i told her what i really wanted was to take her to the hospital and get some real help, but she refused. we made a deal: i would take the dog that wouldn’t stop barking and annoying her and peeing all over the floor (aka… asking to go outside, not being let outside, so relieving herself in the house…) and she would get her things together over the next week so that i could come back and take her to get some help.

i’ll save the rest of my mom’s addiction story for another day – i took the dog that night and she was mine from that day forward.

the dog i took in that night was not the dog i came to know and love. on day one, she was 48 pounds, eating the worst dog food imaginable, hardly able to walk without panting, filthy, ear infections, urinary tract infection, and i would learn within just a short week or two, a large collection of bladder stones and crystals. this girl was a wreck. a sweet, wagging wreck.

the first thing i did was take her for a walk. she made it the length of one block before laying in the middle of the street, unable to continue any further. the water i bathed her in was brown within seconds. she wreaked of smoke and all things stinky dog. she certainly was a project.

when i tell you this girl was a “human dog,” i truly mean… she couldn’t have cared less about other dogs. she didn’t hate them, she just didn’t care. she loved humans, and for whatever reason, she really, really loved me. sometimes i’d think it was because she thought i was my mom, but whatever the case, Kenzi (renamed Kenzi after the church i used to attend in Michigan, Kensington…. because her original name was Windy… which seemed more like a bodily function call out than a dog name to me. so i changed it…) didn’t care to be anywhere i wasn’t. she’d whine, bark, cry, run, hobble, climb… do anything possible to get to where i was. i have to admit, it was wildly annoying at times, because she was completely inconsolable even in times when it wasn’t even possible to be together…

she also had ACL surgery somewhere in these seven years. the only thing Kenzi loved comparably to humans was racquetballs. i can’t tell you this dog was particularly athletic, but when it came to chasing racquetballs, she could really turn on the turbo! one day we were at the dog park and i routinely tossed a racquetball for her… she chased it… she yelped…. she limped…. and then she would not put weight on her back foot whatsoever – a completely torn ACL and an $8K bill to fix it. i think anyway… this dog was so expensive, sometimes i lose track of what it all costed. probably because i didn’t really care… it’s not like i’ve ever been rolling in money. i just didn’t think twice – she needed the surgery and i paid the bill.

i knew Kenzi was declining. it’s likely she was battling liver disease of some sort, cancer or some sort, and arthritis all over… she had good days and bad days, but her walking kept getting progressively worse and worse and i knew the day was going to come soon. she fell down a complete set of stairs a few months ago, which was really hard to swallow. i kept telling her, “you just tell me when you’re ready, and we’ll be done.” i kept seeing the time come sooner and sooner every time i looked in her eyes. every day kept getting harder and harder, every meal kept needing more and more coaxing, every bathroom break required carrying to the yard…

i had a phone call with my good friend and vet… thank God for meeting this human. truly. she said two things that made me realize we were at the crossroads. 1) “is she having more good days than bad days?” to which i did not have to hesitate – the answer was no. 2) “i’d rather put a dog down a month too soon than a week too late,” and i knew we were teetering right there in that butter zone… so i knew i had to make the decision.

even though i saw the signs. even though i knew it was coming. i still wasn’t ready. i could never be ready for the actual day or the actual moment. i’m grateful for every minute i got to spend with Kenzi. she was with me through a lot of stuff – she just laid and comforted and snored and made me laugh and clumsily walked her way right into my heart from the very first day i met her. but it was time to let her go. and i just wasn’t ready.

i thought it would be easier because almost exactly three years ago, i love Cooper. but it wasn’t. i thought it would be easier because she wasn’t “technically” mine… but it wasn’t. i thought that knowing it was time for her would make it easier, but it didn’t. i miss her. but i know to my core we made the right choice. but i still miss her.

i used to think it was odd that dogs so easily become part of the family. but now i get it. we don’t deserve them – the way they love us so unconditionally. the way they teach us to try and do the same. i’ve got no one to blame but myself for not figuring it out. Kenzi was so good at it – i really learned a lot from that dog. the way she couldn’t hold a grudge even if she tried. the way she was excited every. single. time. i came home, regardless of whether it had been 2 minutes, 2 hours, or 2 days. she just couldn’t get enough of hanging out, palling around, exploring, cuddling, just spending time together. to the world you might be one person, but to your dog… you’re their whole world.

public humiliation

i don’t know if you saw it at all… there’s been so much to see lately, honestly. too much… not much of it very good… i honestly usually keep my head in the sand on most things… maybe that’s ignorant. but, in this case, as a musician with friends who know i’m a musician, a friend of mine asked me what i thought about this… so i checked it out.

the situation was — and you can google more specific details if you wish, but it’s not my desire to out anyone or add unnecessary drama to an already dramatic situation — a musician / songwriter sang a public national anthem on a large stage, televised in front of the nation and it did not go well. more than not go well, it caused her the next day to post on social media that she had been intoxicated and she was going to check herself into rehab.

when i heard the performance for the first time, it was before she had made such a claim, so the only thoughts i had were, “man, if she has a problem and nobody knew, that’s really sad.” and then, i saw her statement.

following that, there were some claims that it was a technological problem. it happens all the time. but here’s my continued issue with the whole situation.

i should add that i’m speaking from a fair bit of personal experience on this, as i, too, have been in the position of singing a couple of high-exposure anthems, very gratefully so. while in those situations, there has never been a shortage of people asking me if i’m ready, asking if i need anything, asking if i’m ok… there were so. many. people. checking on me, probably honestly making sure i wasn’t going to blow it. making sure my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. maybe thinking to themselves, “man, i don’t know if i could do this, so is she going to be able to?” with the occasional outward warning, “don’t forget the words!”

who was checking on her? who was asking her if she was ok? if she really wasn’t ok and it was that noticeably poor of a performance, i would think that someone would have been able to notice that she wasn’t acting like herself — there were likely signs that this wasn’t going to be the best idea.

i also grew up with an alcoholic. this is the part of my story that really lends a hand to my thoughts on the situation. i could always tell my mom was drinking within seconds. i could call it out plain as day. it took me zero effort to see that she wasn’t herself. and if someone’s issue with alcohol is so serious that they need to call themselves out the next day on social media about their immediate check-in to rehab… i would venture to say it was serious enough to be able to notice.

there’s a lot of hate on the internet these days. far too much. unfortunately, she’s being made to look pretty bad in some corners of this wild wild web. but this is not on her. none of this is on her. her team failed her. and from personal experience, getting upset with someone who struggles with addiction does nothing — you don’t realize the amount of shame they already feel. they certainly don’t need your help.

i hate that this happened. i hate that it keeps happening. i hate that it seems so hard to find a team of people that you can actually trust, that actually have your best interest at heart. the fact of the matter is she hired these people… when a musician or artist hires a team, they’re doing so because they can’t manage their career alone. the scope of responsibilities and tasks that go into a music career are far too heavy for one person to carry. so they hire help. trusted help in a sea full of “helpers” that oftentimes don’t care about anyone but themselves. but i’m sure she thought she had made the right choices. and then this happened.

i’ve let my assessment of the situation reset mostly in the possibility of an addict performing with high stakes that wasn’t protected by her team. then there’s the possibility that her technology failed her.

but my opinion remains the same.

if the technology fails, you don’t go burn your house down by telling people that you’re going to rehab. if the technology fails, no one lets you die on that hill. there’s no reason for someone of high profile to admit they’re going to rehab unless they’re actually going to rehab.

either way, whether a team isn’t paying enough attention to an intoxicated artist about to take the stage or is allowing her to throw herself under the bus to cover for someone’s terrible technological failure, that’s a team that’s not really looking out for the best interest of the artist… and that’s unfortunately the way of the world it seems.

we don’t care enough about each other. we don’t even check in. we’re more concerned with power, ego, self, me, gain, money, and fame to even consider love, kindness, selflessness, or peace. no one is looking at someone about to burn part of her career down and thinking maybe it’s better that we consider a Plan B. or maybe no one truly knew her well enough to be able to decipher the signs? i’m not sure about that… i just find it negligent.

and what about the kids? what about all of our kids watching us adults completely screw this up? they soak up everything like a sponge. they watch every move we make. they imitate, they regurgitate… and they deserve better. they’re watching adults on TV show up this way, and we keep allowing it to happen. it makes me so sad, because i just can’t see the train slowing down or turning around. it’s a complete self-destructive forest fire and we keep pouring more gasoline.

if we want better, we have to be better. think better. act better. speak up better. say something. love better. care better. quit being the center of our own universes. humble up. be willing to look stupid, but not in the humiliating way. be willing to say the hard thing to avoid the bigger tragedy. quit going with the flow when you see the waterfall clearly approaching. the only way the cycle stops is with love.

one of my very favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

anger, hatred, or judgment will never be able to stop things like this from happening. and being a keyboard warrior solves nothing. we’re only going to see benefit or improvement from caring more about each other, putting someone else before ourself, and being walking, talking examples of love.

what if i miss out

this is a question i have wrestled with so much in my life. what am i meant for, and what if i miss it? what if the signs are plain as day and i’m too busy, too occupied, just too blind to see the clear sign in front of my face telling me which way to go?

we even have a name for it: FOMO. Fear. Of. Missing. Out.

but on what?

that list is LOONNGGGGGGGG. i can think of 10 things right now that i’m afraid of missing out on.

ok so, backstory… in August 2019, i moved to Nashville to be a musician. i was in a cover band in Michigan before coming to Tennessee and i was in a massage and i heard the Lord tell me to run. i was trying to decide if i was going to come or not, if it made sense or not… i mean, i was leaving everything i had ever known and loved in an instant. off a whim. a silly little gut feeling i had one time. some people know they’re supposed to come to Nashville. i didn’t! i thought it one time out of the blue because i was in the back of a van of dudes with my band traveling down to perform a show. and i felt it in my chest. so i went with it. so blindly.

here i am almost exactly 5 years later, here i am writing this to you… in a season where again i’ve got this feeling. this nudge. this call. and i really don’t know what to do with it. i’ve had it for a while. i’ve been going along to get along. and yesterday morning, i couldn’t do it anymore.

i had been feeling pulled to attend a Thursday evening recurring meeting. i told Matthew about it and his response was “just go this week, then.” so yesterday as i was thinking about the week, i made a mental note to myself that i was going to follow through on that decision Matthew and i had made and i was going to go. the only problem was that i remembered that i had an obligation on the calendar that night already. a show at a local bar.

when i tell you i was met INSTANTLY by the Lord, i mean it. like. INSTANTLY. SMACK. but it wasn’t violent. it wasn’t angry. it wasn’t intrusive. it simply invited me and said, “you get to choose. you can do either one, and you get to choose.” so in that moment i made a choice and i knew it wasn’t going to be easy, because i am NOT the girl that goes back on her commitments… but i sent a text message. “i’m really sorry, and i hope this reaches you well, but i need to pull the show from the calendar on Thursday” *send* then i sat there.

i looked at my calendar. i noticed i had three more dates on the calendar with this same venue. and i sent a second message: “and i am so appreciative of the space you’ve given me on your stage, allowing me to share music with your community, but i need to cancel all further shows as well.” *send*

then i sat there again. wondering what i was doing. this is So. Not. Me. and that’s how i know it’s God. because none of this would ever cross my mind if i was doing all of these things my way. i am the muscle, the grit, the strength, the force, the don’t stop until it happens. i am her. but not this time. this time i’m being asked to surrender. to give it up. to lay it down. and i’ve been asked dozens of times over the past months… and i finally reached a point where there were two conflicting things that had me in such a tight spot where the choice one way or another felt so defining… it is so obvious to me that the scheduling conflict on Thursday night was no coincidence. and there is not a single person in Heaven or on Earth that’s truly “mad” at me for choosing either way… i just knew i had to make a choice.

i got to the next date on the calendar which was an obligation i made just two weeks ago, if that, to a close friend of mine. i paused. i didn’t want to disappoint him. this is a dude that’s believed in me since the day i met him. i appreciate him and his friendship Soooo much… but i knew i had to keep going. so i sent a similar message: “hey, i hope you’re having a lovely day. i’m sending you a message i never would have thought i would be sending you. i need to pull that date on the calendar we just talked about. i’m feeling called away from music for right now, and i have to listen.”

i felt sad. i felt heavy. but if i’m 100% honest, i also started to feel free.

a couple shows in October – cancelled. one that i was very excited to be a part of! one that was for the city of Clarksville, do you know how excited i was when i was invited to play that stage?! so excited. i was getting ready to put a full band together for a couple of these shows. there’s almost quite literally NOTHING in the world i love more than performing original music with a full band.

but i knew. i just knew. i was being called to surrender it all. not hanging on to any of it for myself. giving it all to Him. allowing him the space.

funny thing was… i would get to a date that i didn’t think i would be able to let go of… sit for a second… and send the message. once all the messages were sent, the first song that popped into my head was, “i will make room for you… to do whatever you want to. to do whatever you want to.”

it’s true. and ruthlessly so. i am feeling called to make room for whatever God wants to do next. even i don’t really know what that means, but if He’s calling me to lay down something that i love so much that i would move my entire life from Michigan to Tennessee to follow a dream, i have to believe that we’re going somewhere with this.

i hope that reading this gives you hope. i hope it helps you decide. i hope you see a choice you need to make and it’s a little easier because you KNOW that if He’s going to call you to give up something you really, truly love… He’s going to have something waiting for you that’s going to blow your mind. there’s a graphic that i’ve seen in the past couple weeks… which… now that i think about it… the timing of that is pretty crazy… it was literally days ago. there’s a girl that has her teddy bear behind her back and Jesus is asking for it. she’s unwilling to give it up because she loves it so much.

what she doesn’t know is Jesus has a teddy bear about 5x the size waiting behind His back for her. and all He’s asking is for me to trust Him. it’s the least i can do. He gave his life for me. He died for me. He saved me. He rescued me. He’s saved me more times than i can even count, are you kidding me? He’s been through every trench with me and guided me to every mountain top i’ve had the pleasure of reaching. He’s got this. and He’s got you, too. He’s just waiting on your surrender. <3

my first trip as “mom”

….and how it all made me feel….

at this point, Matthew and i have only been married a couple months, but we’ve been together for almost three years. at no point have i ever not treated the kids as my own – probably quite literally since the day i met them. i don’t have bio kids, so i’m grateful every day the Lord thought that i’d be a good fit for this family as their bonus mom and Matthew’s other parenting half in this house.

i don’t typically think too deeply into the whole “mom” thing with them – i’m just Sarah, and i’m the motherly figure in this household when they’re with us. but when you’re on a trip with your family, especially when we all have the same last name, i’m “mom” to most people that we’re interacting with. mostly strangers we’ll never see again, but as someone who knows i’m actually not mom despite how it looks, it does come with feelings. for whatever reason…

on one airplane, someone actually made the comment that they look just like me. i told her thank you for being so kind, but they’re not truly mine. “i’m just bonus mom,” i said.

to me, it felt like a compliment. not something she should’ve apologized for, which she did… but i love being part of this family. i love helping raise these kids. i love being Matthew’s wife. i love it more than anything, if i’m being completely honest. more than i ever imagined possible.

i loved being on vacation with them this week. i loved seeing them joyful and excited and experiencing a bunch of new things, running around in a completely new place, smiling so big, their little faces couldn’t possibly hold any more happy!!

say what you want, but i love being their mom, even if i’m not their “real mom” or whatever. i know i didn’t birth them, but i think being a mom is an attitude and a stance you take. it’s a behavior. it’s a mindset. it’s a willingness to step in and fill a pair of shoes i never expected to wear, but ones i hope i’m wearing as gracefully, lovingly, and responsibly as i possibly can. and wanna know what i really hope? i hope that if there are any other bonus moms reading this right now that you’ll stop writing yourself off as “second best.”

i’m guilty of it myself – the lady on the airplane says the kids look like me and i’m like “yea, i’m just bonus mom.” anyone says “mom”-anything and i’m in my head telling myself “fake mom.” we are not fake moms!! we’re not second best. it’s not a competition. and if you’re running it like it is, you’re missing the point. these kids don’t need me to compete for anything with them. it would probably confuse them if that were the case. i’m just me, and there’s not another me on the planet. there’s not another set of kids on this planet i’ll ever get to parent. so whether i’m a real mom, fake mom, bonus mom, mean mom, weird mom, cool mom… and whether they ever utter that specific word to me or about me… is none of my concern. the qualifications and categories do nothing for me.

ya know, here’s the hard truth. plenty of kids have estranged relationships with their bio mom. i was one of them. the “bio” part is not the focal point. the love is. the priorities are. the relationship is. i’ve learned it so many times in my life through my own experiences – sometimes blood is just a word. and it’s hard to say this, but it’s the real truth. i’ve got the kind of life and family money can’t buy. and no, i didn’t physically birth my kids, but i’ll always teach them, discipline them, care for them, and love them as if they were my own.

it wasn’t a hard choice. it’s not about right or wrong. i didn’t lose anything when i gained kids. i feel like i hit the dang lottery, are you kidding? but for real, we gotta stop allowing ourselves to consider ourself as less than, because we’re not. and furthermore, that doesn’t even really exist. there’s no “mom hierarchy” or whatever. the privilege of being their mom will never be lost on me, and it’s a role i’m absolutely honored to fill. <3

U-Turn

Story Time: i was in my car headed to Nashville on Tuesday morning. just like i do most Tuesday mornings because there’s a women’s bible study that i’ve been participating in since probably January or February.

my car needed gas because i would have never made it to Nashville on the 23 miles left in the tank, and as i pulled over in the right lane to turn into the gas station, i heard a Very Clear message in my mind, heart, soul, spirit…. “get gas and go home.”

what…? are you serious? but i’m going to bible study. isn’t that what i’m supposed to be doing? but it was so clear, i cannot even explain it.

“don’t go. get gas and go home.”

so that’s what i did. that’s exactly what i did. i didn’t fight it. i didn’t understand it – i did NOT understand it. i still don’t. sitting here on my front porch writing this, i still am not quite sure that i understand what the heck it was all about, but i really feel like i’m getting to a place where i don’t have to understand it.

i don’t have to understand why He’s leading me in the way that He is, but i’m not gonna stay in the business of asking why. it’s very human to want to understand the plan, know the path, know where it’s leading… but we’re not promised that. we were never told that He was going to reveal the goal to us – matter of fact, people that claim to know exACTly where they’re ultimately going are usually deceived.

here’s something scary to write: i have no idea where i am going. and i can feel Him shifting. moving. inspiring. introducing new possibilities. opening my eyes to a BUNCH of things. and a lot of it makes Absolutely Zero Sense.

and that HAS to be ok. that has GOT to be ok.

the more i fight it, the more upset i get… because guess what?! He’s not gonna quit moving in His way. He’s not gonna change His mind. He will just keep shifting me, refining me, sharpening me, until me “want to” aligns with the “want to” He has for me.

so i made the U-Turn. i got gas. i got in my car. and i went back home. i couldn’t explain it – it was a really weird re-entry into the house after i had just told Matthew i would see him in a few hours. but oh well. i just… listened. that’s all. it was that simple.

i died to myself. a lot of me wanted to push through and still go to the bible study. but for reasons i may never be able to articulate, my spirit wasn’t signing off on that. and it wasn’t budging. i asked “what?” like… eight times. no change. no budge. no sway. just kept saying “don’t go.”

and what happened after that? was i worried about what people were gonna think? no. i wasn’t. i had this overwhelming PEACE and all i had to do was LISTEN. all i had to do was just NOT DO WHATEVER I WANTED and listen to my soul gently telling me to reconsider.

that’s what i’m after. i’m relentlessly pursuing that peace. that’s how i know i’m on the right track. inner peace. outer conflict, sure, whatever, but the inner peace is undeniable.

try it. i’m dying to know what you think and how you feel when you listen to that still small voice, whether it makes sense or not.

i also wanna know – are you one of those people that HAS to have stuff make sense? how are you working to break out of that need? i’m working on it, too.

peace + fire

June 12, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

christian, christian blog, christian life, confidence, confidence building, how to live a peaceful life, mental peace strategies, Mindful self-acceptance, mindfulness practices, mindset, mindset work

i had a friend ask me this week, “can we talk more about how to keep your peace intact when people in your circle insist on throwing fire?”

Say. Less.

YES. we can. matter of fact, let’s talk about that time a few years back when three of my family members died within 18 months, i was the executor of all of their estates by THEIR choice, NOT mine, and my entire family hated me for it. that was a good time.

there is NOT ONE THING on this Earth you can call me or say about me that i haven’t been called. by my own “family.” the people that are “supposed” to have our backs no matter what…. that’s just not how it works sometimes unfortunately. i definitely know that feeling.

that experience taught me exACTly how to deal with peace in the fire. and it had nothing to do with throwing more fire in their direction. that does not even the scale. that does not level the field. for every comeback i wanted to say, i’m sure they had another insult waiting. that’s how evil works. that’s the plan – destroy, destruct, at all costs, nothing held back.

you cannot tip the scale back in balance by meeting darkness with more darkness. you have to put your own desires aside, die to your pride, and meet it with light. you cannot grow, prosper, or thrive if you’re convinced it’s your job to make it right. you are never going to make it right – they’re hellbent on seeing you in a certain light, their words are drenched in lies, and there’s no amount of proving yourself that’s ever going to really change their mind. it’s sad, but it’s true.

light cancels out dark. love cancels out hate. when their actions don’t get a reaction, eventually, they have nothing left to say. they have no actions to spin off of if you give them nothing. and that’s been one of the hardest lessons i’ve ever had to learn. but it has paid MASSIVE dividends. so i challenge you – blow their minds!! meet their evil with love. meet their insults with kindness. be slow to react and let your heart know that whatever they’re saying is meant to get under your skin. it’s not truth. it’s provoking and intended to get a rise out of you.

you will never know what’s going on inside of someone else when they choose hate, but i can almost guarantee it’s not your fault. it’s much deeper than that. those tendencies have nothing to do with you – that’s just how they show up in the world. and it’s sad, because they have access to the same light, love, and joy that you and i have, but they’re just stuck in a vicious cycle of self-righteousness and hatred.

the only thing to do is give it up. release it. don’t hold on to it – again, it’s not the truth. it’s a bunch of lies, so free yourself from them. look up and know that God knows the truth and has the final say. no perfectly curated response you create will trump that, ever. it’s not our job. it’s not your assignment to deliver the justice. you’ll drive yourself crazy trying.

where in your life can you create more peace for yourself by giving up the need to balance the scale? what have you been holding on to that’s not your job to fix?

love y’all. i hope this helped you today <3

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