positive thinking – Sarah Faith

what i tell myself

no fluff to start this blog, because it’s worth just jumping in. there’s no way to count the number of false things i’ve told myself in this life — stories, lies, opinions… way too many. and that’s not the punchline. that’s not the worst part. the worst part is when i believe them. and that i’m not alone.

it’s been so heavy on my heart this week the absolute number of people that are in this boat. truth is it’s not one that’s floating. it’s a sinking ship. one that we’re apparently willing to drown on. you need to get off the boat. you need to take a leap and get off of the ride. get. off. the. ride.

how many times are we going to wake up and say “man, i wish this looked different,” or, “wouldn’t it be nice if…” but do nothing about it? make absolutely zero effort to walk in that direction. we live in a wild world, but we still don’t live in a world generous enough to just give that vision to us without movement on our part. no matter how crazy it gets out there, i doubt it’ll ever be that philanthropic.

my heart breaks for every single person that wants different, can see different, and chooses a comfortable misery instead of putting forth a 1% better effort to improve their situation. i think you’re making it harder than it is. i think you think you have to have it perfectly figured out. let me be the one that takes your hand and assures you that you’re sorely mistaken. there’s no demand of perfection, you just have to give, try, believe, and let the discouraging thoughts rattling around in your head take a long walk off a short pier. success isn’t the person who gets it all right on the first try. it’s the person that gets it wrong three or four times, then gets it right, and learns a few good lessons along the way. be willing to be wrong. be willing to screw it up.

every day, there are probably thousands of people looking for ways to change their lives… and too many of them see a possibility and write it off immediately for lack of self belief or faith that there’s any reason any of that would ever come true. maybe i’m making this up, and maybe you actually know the reason, so what is it?

let me tell you about lack of self-belief. lack of self-belief is a girl who at the age of seven was abused by her mother. and that’s just the earliest memories. maybe it was earlier. the divorce happened when she was five. her dad started to see the abuse so he started fighting for custody. you would think that battle would have been kind of cut and dry. it’s a pretty simple story when alcohol is involved. but it wasn’t. not at all. the custody battle went on for five years. five long years. multiple attempts. multiple failures. multiple reasons to believe that maybe this is just “how it is” and reasons to give up completely. but the verdict was finally turned.

lack of self-belief is being kicked out of your house by a mother who’s “done fighting” for you, won’t get sober, and thinks the answer is abandoning ship instead of getting clean. lack of self-belief is believing every single story that a teenager creates about herself in the aftermath of this kind of disaster… who’s even considered ending life altogether… and is somehow still here, for some reason.

you see… i am you. i was you. i’ve wanted to quit more times than i can count. but it’s just ultimately not the answer. it’s not the story. it’s not where this plot twists. there’s more to the story. but i realized that it was absolutely, 100% never going to change unless i did. the legacy didn’t magically change. God literally picked me up with own His holy version of the jaws of life and said, “nope, you can’t have this one.”

so… i don’t say “get up, let’s go,” in vain. i don’t say it from a place of unknowing. i know how it feels. i know what it’s like. i know every debilitating detail of a million pounds of anxiety and depression weighing down on you, convincing you there’s no possibility of movement or improvement. and it’s all a lie. it’s an illusion. and the power you get to walk in when you defy every single negative thought that plagues your brain is absolutely indescribable.

permanent? no. cured? not entirely. but the voices weaken. they quiet. they settle. they lose power. they lose steam. the trick is not giving them the ammo or the focus they’re craving. ever tried not thinking of an apple when someone tells you not to think about an apple? your brain doesn’t work in negatives. this gives you the power. you shift your focus, you shift your energy, and the things that try to hold you down lose their grip on your life.

i could literally write about this for 600 more paragraphs… i won’t do that. just know you’re more powerful than you think. braver than you know. and meant for more than you can imagine.

i’d love to help you if i can. if any of these words are helpful, i’m honored to have written them. maybe there’s a leap you can take that would hold your feet to the fire and start this train moving in the right direction. i’m here for the encouragement, if that’s useful to you. <3 do something. move. you’re not a tree. join me. come be in the spaces i like to hang out that help me keep this kind of belief and fire. dark can’t drive out dark – only light can do that.

things i wish more people knew

i had this thought this week and knew i needed to write about it. then i forgot, it slipped my mind, we went on a road trip, came back, it never resurfaced…. until just now when i sat down to write this.

immediately, the thought resurfaced – that’s how i know it’s the right one. that’s how i know it deserves a spot on the blog.

there are so. many. things. i wish more people knew. i could likely write another 100-page thesis about this topic. not because i’m a genius… but because there have been so many things that i’ve learned the hard way, i’d like to save someone from that if i could. too many people ask me how i’m so brave, where my thoughts come from, how i’m so “wise,” and it makes me sad because i don’t have access to anything you don’t. i just knew things needed to change if my life was going to. i couldn’t keep living in the shade and shadows of victimhood that the cards of my life kept trying to deal me.

so here we go:

i wish more people knew it’s ok to be wrong. it’s ok to screw it up. it’s ok to get it completely upside down, sideways, unrecognizable… because you can always fix it. you can always right the wrong. you can do it wrong a bunch of times and keep learning about all these different ways to do it almost right. eventually you will get it right. people don’t generally stay wrong forever. that would be more like the definition of insanity. you’re naturally going to improve. you’re naturally going to get closer and closer to the right place and you will eventually land in the right place. you’ll be more well-rounded the more risks you take and the more “wrongs” you rack up… if you’re convinced that’s what they need to be called.

i wish more people knew that there’s no benefit in life to taking yourself so seriously. no one gets an added bonus or any special perks for having less fun or being more stuffy. it’s not that serious. i guarantee it, no matter what “it” is. it’s a harder path living like it’s all gotta fit in between the lines, so you owe it to yourself and the days you’re subtracting from the end of your life to loosen up a bit. you can’t add days to your life by worrying more – the Bible even says so.

i wish more people knew that comparison is the absolute thief of joy. all the time wasted with your head on the swivel is time that could’ve been spent focusing on your own path, your own skills, your own strengths – there’s no way to get better at your own zone of genius by wishing you had someone else’s. anyway, it’s theirs. head on the swivel may be good in a war situation, but it’s not helpful when you’re battling between your ears, trying to create some momentum for yourself on in uncharted waters.

i wish more people knew that rest is, indeed, productive. it’s hard enough to get it all done as it is, much less with half a tank of gas in the tank. i’d say maybe women feel this more, but i’m not sure that’s true. i think men probably believe in the lack of rest just as much as the next human does. there’s no special badge you get to wear for being the most worn or burned out, either, so it would do us all some good to just hang it up every now and then. once a week really isn’t too much to ask. give yourself a day to recharge. honestly, there should be some rest time daily… and that five hours of sleep you’ve been surviving on does NOT count as rest. that’s a sad excuse for a night of sleep, is what that is. you’re killing yourself.

i wish more people knew that precisely NO BODY has it all figured out… but guess what… everything is figure out-able. you CAN figure it out, even if you’re not there right now. you’re not stuck. you’re not a tree. you can move. also… the perfect time doesn’t exist. being “ready” for whatever that next move is doesn’t either. social media is a liar. every person you see whose life looks “perfect” and “aesthetic” is lying if they don’t also show up on the crappy days. a good aesthetic is not reality. i think we live under this illusion sometimes that people are further along because they had some kind of golden knowledge that we don’t have and can’t get. not true. couldn’t be further from the truth. they just had the ability, whether it was guts or reckless abandon, to throw caution to the wind and move scared.

so do it anyway. because if you don’t, someone else will. those you’re watching take the action are doing it scared, myself included. wanna know who gave me permission to start writing in this blog? no one. wanna know how many people i’m “more qualified” than to write these things? precisely zero. but i had an idea, and i went with it and i’m still just going with it.

if you needed permission, here it is. take it from me. i’m not qualified to give it, but you’re not qualified to just sit on your butt and not take action towards those things you really really wish you could start or figure out or whatever other excuse you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t have or do what you want. we live in a weird time, but it’s also a blessed time of opportunity where you can basically create a reality if you don’t like the one in which you’re currently existing.

it’s time. it’s been time. it’s past time. you know it. i know it. we both know it. so. here’s the five things i think you should know and now you know them, so you can get moving on that thing now.

i can’t wait to see how big, bold, beautiful, and amazing it is.

♥,
SF

public humiliation

i don’t know if you saw it at all… there’s been so much to see lately, honestly. too much… not much of it very good… i honestly usually keep my head in the sand on most things… maybe that’s ignorant. but, in this case, as a musician with friends who know i’m a musician, a friend of mine asked me what i thought about this… so i checked it out.

the situation was — and you can google more specific details if you wish, but it’s not my desire to out anyone or add unnecessary drama to an already dramatic situation — a musician / songwriter sang a public national anthem on a large stage, televised in front of the nation and it did not go well. more than not go well, it caused her the next day to post on social media that she had been intoxicated and she was going to check herself into rehab.

when i heard the performance for the first time, it was before she had made such a claim, so the only thoughts i had were, “man, if she has a problem and nobody knew, that’s really sad.” and then, i saw her statement.

following that, there were some claims that it was a technological problem. it happens all the time. but here’s my continued issue with the whole situation.

i should add that i’m speaking from a fair bit of personal experience on this, as i, too, have been in the position of singing a couple of high-exposure anthems, very gratefully so. while in those situations, there has never been a shortage of people asking me if i’m ready, asking if i need anything, asking if i’m ok… there were so. many. people. checking on me, probably honestly making sure i wasn’t going to blow it. making sure my nerves weren’t getting the best of me. maybe thinking to themselves, “man, i don’t know if i could do this, so is she going to be able to?” with the occasional outward warning, “don’t forget the words!”

who was checking on her? who was asking her if she was ok? if she really wasn’t ok and it was that noticeably poor of a performance, i would think that someone would have been able to notice that she wasn’t acting like herself — there were likely signs that this wasn’t going to be the best idea.

i also grew up with an alcoholic. this is the part of my story that really lends a hand to my thoughts on the situation. i could always tell my mom was drinking within seconds. i could call it out plain as day. it took me zero effort to see that she wasn’t herself. and if someone’s issue with alcohol is so serious that they need to call themselves out the next day on social media about their immediate check-in to rehab… i would venture to say it was serious enough to be able to notice.

there’s a lot of hate on the internet these days. far too much. unfortunately, she’s being made to look pretty bad in some corners of this wild wild web. but this is not on her. none of this is on her. her team failed her. and from personal experience, getting upset with someone who struggles with addiction does nothing — you don’t realize the amount of shame they already feel. they certainly don’t need your help.

i hate that this happened. i hate that it keeps happening. i hate that it seems so hard to find a team of people that you can actually trust, that actually have your best interest at heart. the fact of the matter is she hired these people… when a musician or artist hires a team, they’re doing so because they can’t manage their career alone. the scope of responsibilities and tasks that go into a music career are far too heavy for one person to carry. so they hire help. trusted help in a sea full of “helpers” that oftentimes don’t care about anyone but themselves. but i’m sure she thought she had made the right choices. and then this happened.

i’ve let my assessment of the situation reset mostly in the possibility of an addict performing with high stakes that wasn’t protected by her team. then there’s the possibility that her technology failed her.

but my opinion remains the same.

if the technology fails, you don’t go burn your house down by telling people that you’re going to rehab. if the technology fails, no one lets you die on that hill. there’s no reason for someone of high profile to admit they’re going to rehab unless they’re actually going to rehab.

either way, whether a team isn’t paying enough attention to an intoxicated artist about to take the stage or is allowing her to throw herself under the bus to cover for someone’s terrible technological failure, that’s a team that’s not really looking out for the best interest of the artist… and that’s unfortunately the way of the world it seems.

we don’t care enough about each other. we don’t even check in. we’re more concerned with power, ego, self, me, gain, money, and fame to even consider love, kindness, selflessness, or peace. no one is looking at someone about to burn part of her career down and thinking maybe it’s better that we consider a Plan B. or maybe no one truly knew her well enough to be able to decipher the signs? i’m not sure about that… i just find it negligent.

and what about the kids? what about all of our kids watching us adults completely screw this up? they soak up everything like a sponge. they watch every move we make. they imitate, they regurgitate… and they deserve better. they’re watching adults on TV show up this way, and we keep allowing it to happen. it makes me so sad, because i just can’t see the train slowing down or turning around. it’s a complete self-destructive forest fire and we keep pouring more gasoline.

if we want better, we have to be better. think better. act better. speak up better. say something. love better. care better. quit being the center of our own universes. humble up. be willing to look stupid, but not in the humiliating way. be willing to say the hard thing to avoid the bigger tragedy. quit going with the flow when you see the waterfall clearly approaching. the only way the cycle stops is with love.

one of my very favorite quotes of all time is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

anger, hatred, or judgment will never be able to stop things like this from happening. and being a keyboard warrior solves nothing. we’re only going to see benefit or improvement from caring more about each other, putting someone else before ourself, and being walking, talking examples of love.

what does it matter

I’ve been wrestling with this question a lot lately. What does any of it matter?

The world tells us that WE matter, ourselves, taking care of A Number One, me, me, me, me, me, and it’s exhausting. More stuff. More this. More that. More money. Gotta do this, gotta be that, gotta have this thing if you want to be considered part of the “in” crowd. It kind of feels like some crap i used to deal with back in high school. And there’s really no difference then to now, because i didn’t fit in then either.

I was part of the “quality over quantity” friend group aka furthest thing from “popular” that exists – there were maybe 5-10 of us. And we were all in choir. or band. Mega Nerd Alert. And i couldn’t get myself to fit in if i tried – i was into plaid pants, some with chains, some without, red and black everything, fishnet shirts, studded belts, studded bracelets, hats with flames on them… good old fashioned punk goth chick. Lord help me if i ever try and replicate any of that now – sure, my main wardrobe color is black, but i can do without all the metal accessories and flames.

Now that i’m older, i think deep down i still want to believe in quality over quantity, but i just feel like that’s so counter cultural. Everything is more. I’ll be happy when… when i get this, when i make that, when my bank account looks such, when i’m driving X car. And it honestly makes me feel like i missed the boat somewhere. Or that i’m dumb for not being able to figure it out by now. Where did i go wrong? I’m not ungrateful for what i have, i understand that there are people far less fortunate than me, but there are also people that would almost consider it a failure to not be a millionaire by age 30, driving the car of your dreams, living in some seriously fancy digs in a choice neighborhood. Things i desire? Maybe. Things i have? Not quite.

Truthfully, i’ve been gainfully unemployable for well over ten years. I started a photography and videography company back in Michigan way back when after getting out of what i thought was my dream job in college sports followed by my other dream job in graphic design – neither one of them being my dream job, clearly. So i decided to be my own boss. I don’t really think it was ever the work that i was doing that was the problem. It was the people. And it’s not that i don’t play well with others… it’s that i don’t play well with others’ stupid rules. Admit it… Half the rules in corporate America are just dumb. There’s only “one way to do things,” and that was a really hard concept for my plaid-patterned, rebellious soul to grasp.

I still don’t grasp it. I don’t understand the “one way to” anything. Sometimes it makes my path for how things work or the purpose of my life a little more fuzzy because i can’t seem to base my journey on anyone else’s track record, but alas here i am. With an unbelievable pattern of going against the grain and no promise of that changing anytime soon.

More than anything, my brain keeps wrestling with the question: what’s it all for? What’s the purpose of chasing numbers, views, followers, money, influence – what do i gain out of all these “friends,” most of whom i’ll likely never meet…? And the speed at which i’m expected to get there… maybe some of that is self-imposed, because the comparison that results from these things is sometimes too much to even quantify… but if i had it my way some days, i’d have all the deepest desires of my heart to my exact specifications, and i’d have them tomorrow. Scratch that. Yesterday. Because society told me that when i get them, i’ll be happy. Or happier. I’m not sure exactly which.

On second thought… i’m actually pretty sure that none of that works out the way “they” tell us at all, and i can be just about as equally certain that it’s mostly the exact opposite. Sometimes i think “they” could a dash of wisdom.

All the time that i’ve spent chasing bigger, more, better… hasn’t actually yielded proportional happiness in any regard. There’s no real lasting joy at the end of that tunnel. It’s cool for a minute… but then you just want to do it again. But bigger. Which… don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to have desires and goals in life, but it’s also good to humble yourself every once in a while and ask yourself what’s actually going to last in this world…? What’s the purpose… if and when i got all those things i’m dreaming of, will i truly be happier? Will i be more fulfilled? Or, my favorite question of them all, which was prompted recently during my reading of To Hell With The Hustle by Jefferson Bethke (highly recommend, by the way…), “who am i becoming in the process?”

When we die, there’s a chance that someone will remember us for a generation or two, but then poof. You’re gone. Your name fades. It’s all gone. And nothing that you earned, nothing you have, none of that means a thing to anyone else once you’re gone. You can store up all of the possessions in the world, earn all the trophies, all the gold records, all the bling, everything you ever hoped for… and maybe your kids will fight over it when you go, but really, it’s all just “stuff” and a lot of it ends up in the dump. (i know that sounds harsh, but unfortunately i’m speaking from experience…) and the only thing that actually matters is who you became along the way.

When i’ve got more success on my mind, why do i want it? For my own glory? What’s the point in that? When i’m desiring more money, why is that a thing? So i can grow my bank account? Buy myself another pair of Doc Martens? Would that really make me cooler? Happier? More joyful? No. Quite likely not. May any of the growth i want or desire have a lot more to do with making the world i live in a better place than advancing my own personal kingdom. I like nice things just as much as the next girl, but all that shiny stuff fades, the excitement of your latest achievement dies, and we’re left with the relationships we created and how we treated others. What the heck would a killer music career or thriving business do for me if i had no one to share it with?

To this i say: Quality (of faith, relationships, and life) over quantity (of money and status and stuff).

It’s hard for me to want to spend precious time on this planet trying to prove my worth through earnings and things. By showing how much better i am than other people at anything. I just want to be a positive life force on this planet that proves that your circumstances don’t dictate your joy. Your faith does. Your soul does. Your ability to humble yourself, not take stuff so seriously, and look on the bright side every once in a while does. That hurrying up to get ahead may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. That there’s a lot more value and joy in spending time with people you love instead of shooing them away, lost somewhere in chasing social media trends and buying a bunch of unnecessary crap on Amazon.

Do i feel pressured to do so? Every single day. It is maddening. It is haunting. It is one of the hardest things for me in my current season because i don’t want to want it. I don’t want to look in the lane next to me, see someone achieving things that i’d also love for myself, and wish my life was different. I don’t want to wish i was further along. I don’t want to wish for more money, more influence, more business, more listeners, more view on my latest reel, more anything…. All so i can take pictures of it and have a better looking feed or highlight reel. But i sometimes do. Too often. Because i’m a human. And i do a lot of super annoying, dumb human-y things.

All i’m saying… is it’s ok to not want what “they” want or have. Who are “they,” anyway? Are “they” happier? Are “they” healthier? How’s their faith? How’s their family life? And if you’ve only seen it on Instagram, i bet objects in mirror aren’t quite what they appear. Give yourself a break, friend. And i’m speaking to myself here, too. Give yourself some dang grace. Write it in your journal. Say a prayer. And find some gratitude. Things are happening “for” you, not “to” you, and above all, it’s our responsibility to monitor our character and the person we are becoming in the process.

♥, SF