christian life – Page 3

the horse just loves to run

i listened to Cody Asbury’s new album in the car this morning and i found myself getting really down with so many of the lyrics but one of them stuck out to me more than others:

“the jockey lives for racing, the horse just loves to run”

you could probably take these words a number of ways, but here’s my interpretation – i get excited about racing just like any human, but what i really wanna be like is the horse. win or lose, i just want to love to run. i want to have my blinders on and be so excited about where i’m going that i don’t have to care about the interpretation of the result. i don’t even have to worry about winning or not because to enjoy the journey is to win. the win or loss is subjective. how can you lose when you’re enjoying where you’re at, blooming where you’re planted? where’s the loss in that?

i don’t even want to worry about the finish line. i just want to be in the moment. running, doing, being, breathing, loving, enjoying, serving, giving – whatever it is that i need to do to run the race right now, that’s what i want to focus on. i’m not worried about the next lap. i’m not even worried about the next turn. i want “step by step” and “little by little” to be my largest concerns.

i think it’s when we are faithful with little that we are trusted with more. i think that we have to do the “little by little” first because running the entire race at once would be entirely overwhelming, not to mention the lack of sense it makes. people, we have to live one moment, one minute at a time, because we literally cannot live in two minutes at once. that’s as “nuts and bolts” as we can get… it can’t be about the next moment until we finish this one. and we also don’t get to be mad at time for passing so quickly if all we’re going to do is wish for the next chapter.

have you ever tried to read the instructions on how to build something or the entire recipe on how to cook something and realize that trying to memorize all the steps 1-10 at once is pretty impossible…? sometimes i get ahead of myself and think that i’m going to be able to follow like… four steps at once. and i’m always wrong. that never works. and the same is true for whatever path we’re on. there’s directions, but sometimes it’s as simple as, “run.” are you looking for something more complicated than that? do you think you need more information than that? sometimes we don’t get more information than that. no further instructions, no reasons why, and it doesn’t make any sense to us.

for example. i fired this blog back up about 12 weeks ago or so… i still don’t know why. you reading this right now is definitely part of the reason, but beyond that, i’m not really sure. maybe it’s not deeper than that. but i keep feeling compelled to write it. so here i am writing. and dang it, i am loving it. if there’s no further purpose, then ok, because the horse just loves to run.

i hope i allow that sentiment to bleed over into whatever i’m doing. and i hope you do to. i hope not everything you do today or this week “needs” a purpose, so to speak. i hope you can find a way to do something just because you love it. just because you’re a human who gets to breathe air into your lungs and do things for the enjoyment of being alive. not because it gains you anything, not because it “moves the needle” or whatever. just because you can. these are little moments in life that i believe we could use a lot more of.

in what ways can you just “love to run” in your life today?

in your gut

you know how there’s just some things you feel in your gut? sometimes you don’t really have the words to explain it, you wouldn’t know how to articulate it if you tried – you just know. you don’t even really know how you know or why you know. you just do.

and when you go against your gut and find out you were right in the first place, you feel like you should have trusted yourself all along. on the flipside, when you stick to your guns and keep going in the direction you know is right, popular or not, and it pays off, there’s this unbelievable sense of “gosh, i just knew it all along…”

there’s a ton of confidence to be built here. but you have to be careful. because the mind is a tricky beast. it’ll tell you you’re right to the end of this earth, but that doesn’t make it so. my favorite is when my brain tells me i “deserve” this or “deserve” to feel this way – that should be a red flag. well-grounded desires are not founded on whether or not we “deserve” this or that – that’s just our own ego and self-righteous nature.

i just gotta make a note here. because i heard something in a conversation yesterday with a friend and it was spot on – there’s a point in your conscience where you’re asked to delineate between what’s “right” and what’s “almost right.” there’s a ton of character to be built here. a lot of times what seems “almost right” is really just self-seeking and ultimately “pretty good” but maybe not great. those things you “wish you could have,” or those shoes you probably shouldn’t buy, but you justify anyway. that’s not the “go with your gut” i’m talking about. there’s nothing to be built from consistently choosing what’s “almost right.” there’s nothing to be gained from choosing the path you claim is being paved for you, when it’s really just what’s most convenient for you. the path where we see that we stand to gain the most isn’t always the right choice. that’s just us being humans, being solely concerned with controlling our circumstances, keeping up with the Joneses, looking for ways to obtain the shiny things.

you know you’re getting in your own way when you need your side of the story. you know you’re straying from center when there’s a “version” – there is no “my truth” – there’s just… truth. period.

a big part of anything you could call “confidence” in me is because of trusting my gut, if that’s what you want to call it. not always trusting “the best outcome for me,” or “where i gain the most.” but what’s really right… morally, ethically, etc. too often what we “wish” was right and what’s actually right are two different things. i don’t call it gut or intuition or any of that really – i know what’s leading me. or more importantly Who is leading me. and it really takes that whole mystery aspect out of the gut instinct altogether. does this “gut feeling” ultimately benefit me the most? am i twisting things to make it look like the best option? the “right” path isn’t going to have you acting in any other way besides 100% truthful, with nothing to prove and nothing to explain for ourselves. it doesn’t involve throwing anyone under the bus. you’ll never have to make someone look bad so you look better. it doesn’t require us to go above and beyond and make sure people know our side, and it doesn’t require some gray area justification or interpretation of the rules.

you know. you’ll always know. you can feel it. when something isn’t quite right about something or someone, you just know. when you’re justifying your “left of center” temptation to yourself, you just know. there are people that i can sit with and wonder why i have this unexplainable palpitation in my chest, and not in a good way. these are not people i try to spend a whole lot of time around – i try to avoid it altogether if i can. my spirit knows, and i bet yours does too.

i’m not sure if this is resonating with anyone today, but i sure hope it is. you need to know the power you have in your own body, mind, and the directions you’re being nudged. the appeal of what you want to happen may be great, but the reality of what you need and the feeling of keeping your conscience clean is greater. you need to know that you’re smarter, more capable, more aware than you think. trust yourself. trust that inner voice. sometimes something can be “marketing” as one thing, but it’s not really that hard to see through the crap when you trust yourself.

there’s probably a lot more you’re doing right than you’re giving yourself credit for if you’re operating in your life with a good, clean heart and honest intentions – not the ones that seek ways to serve yourself first above all else. that’s why when something seems a little “off” about someone, you feel it in your chest. that’s why no matter how hard you try to fight it, at the end of the day, your inner being just knows that it’s not going to work. you also need to know it’s not your job to make it work. it’s not your job to expose, prove, call out, change, fix, or power through. you’re not responsible for that. that’s called boundaries, and there’s a ton of confidence to be built there, too.

boundaries help us keep our own lawn clean. we don’t have control over too many things in this world, but we do have a good bit of government over our “space.” our “bubble” so to speak is completely under our jurisdiction. who comes in, who stays, for how long, what we allow to change our atmosphere – we get to call the shots on these things, and when we do a crappy job of governing our own space, our spirit knows it. i’m guilty of trying to be a peacemaker and letting my boundaries slack so someone else’s feelings don’t get hurt. wanna know who always ends up with the short end of that stick? me. every single time. and i’ve learned that it’s really not worth it. when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. but don’t be afraid to put your own judgments on trial, too – because SHOCKER – sometimes your conscience is WRONG!!! sometimes it falls into that “almost right” category – examine it! test it!

at the end of the day it’s really not worth trying to appease someone else at my own expense. and it’s not “unChristian” to act this way. protecting our own space is one of the best things we can do because it allows us to be mentally available for the things we’re actually responsible for instead of cleaning up the mess someone else came in and crapped all over our floor.

three things i wanna leave you with in this post – trust your gut, challenge your selfish human nature, and work on building stronger boundaries. i’d love to know your thoughts about how you think these things might impact your mental space. do you need to make improvements in these areas?

contentment

// con-tent-ment // : (n) the state of being happy or satisfied; the acceptance of things “as they are.”

full disclosure, i struggle on and off with this. i’m feeling moved to write about it, but i myself do wrestle with it.

something about the way society keeps making “more” look like it equates to “better.” something about the way i keep desiring, keep wanting, keep looking, scouting, hoping, wishing… makes it pretty hard to feel content when i can’t seem to keep my eyes from wandering everywhere else but the path in front of me.

i think i’ve also got this silly belief that “contentment” means “giving up” or “losing hope” or “get what you get and don’t throw a fit.”

but i think those definitions are sorely mistaken. that kind of contentment assumes it’s never gonna get any better than this, so you might as well get used to it. which is actually really sad.

i don’t actually want to carry around those lifeless, hopeless definitions of contentment anymore, so i’m going to ~~put~~ keep trying to put them down (and leave them there… because i seem to somehow keep picking them back up…). if you’re feeling yourself carrying anything similar, i invite you to put it down with me. i desire for us to find more mental peace, and the more we keep assuming that we have to strive in order be happy, the less of that peace i believe we’re going to find. we’re also not super likely to find peace in the thoughts that we’re “settling for less” or that we’re “damaged goods” that don’t deserve what we’re dreaming of.

truly, if we’re responsible and content with what we’ve currently got, there’s no reason we wouldn’t in the future be entrusted with more. it’s being content with what i have in the here and now that i know i’ve gotta keep working on. the ability to steward properly the things i’m currently holding in my hand. focusing on my ability to be grateful for all of this good stuff i’m to blessed to have – that’s when the blessings come. the blessings multiply. and i believe a really good first step is contentment in your present circumstances and situation.

sometimes that’s really hard, because sometimes the current stuff we’re going through is just not that pretty. it’s not fun, it’s not easy, and we’re ready to be done with this valley season. to that i say – the valleys mean peaks are on the way. the lows help us appreciate the highs, and there’s still a good amount of contentment to be found in that. even when we don’t feel like smiling. even when the “oh, it’ll be over soon…” is like, the most annoying thing someone could possibly be saying… it’s worth trying to take a second, take a breath, and find a mini moment of contentment. it will pass, and when the next person you know is going through their own personal valley, they’ll have someone to lean on who’s living proof that even the darkest of nights have a glimmer of hope at the end.

i’ll doubly admit – contentment is definitely something i’m always working towards. but. maybe by sharing this, i’ll help you feel less alone if it’s one of your battles too. and i’ll find some accountability partners along the way.

♥, SF

walking

March 4, 2024 by Sarah Faith

blog posts.

blogs about faith, christian, christian blog, christian life, comparison, healing, improving mindset for women, know the truth, mental health, mental health blog, mindset, performance, positive mindset development, who God says i am

i was moved this afternoon to go for a run. can’t tell you the last time i did it… but i’ve definitely done a looooot of it over the course of my life. i’ve always been an athlete, i was a collegiate soccer player, running is something with which i am very familiar. i just got back actually, and immediately sat down to write this. turns out i still do a lot of thinking when i run… it’s all very much like riding a bike. i’m just not 18 anymore… that’s the main difference.

ya know what i realized…? i’ve spent (read: wasted) so much of my life making sure that when i’m running, no one sees me walking. i’ve even gone as far as judging “how” i’m running, if i look strong enough, if i look like a beginner, if i “run like a girl…” you know… always all these good things happening between my ears.

in college, i was afraid that my coach didn’t think i was working hard enough and that if i worked harder, he’d notice and i’d be “allowed” to contribute more minutes in games. matter of fact, i wanted a starting spot on the roster. and i wanted it So. Badly. like… WAYYYY more than anything else in my 18-19-20-year-old world… i thought FOR SURE that working harder was going to get me there. i’ll be damned if i wasn’t the hardest working player on the whole dang team. i was the first one to arrive, the last one to leave, i volunteered to do crap i had no interest in doing, carried a bunch of crap, helped out, managed equipment, worked harder, ran faster… i did it all. i was the quintessential “leave it all on the field” girl… i obeyed the team rules… i even caught a fellow teammate red-handed drinking at a frat house the night before a game… brought it up to my captains and coach… she still started. and i still didn’t. guess what? i was actually pretty much benched my entire junior and senior years. saw all of 5 minutes a game. and still broke my back at practice, hoping to just get to 10 minutes on the field during any game, whether it was one that mattered or not. i don’t even want to talk about how hard i worked the summer before my junior year on breaking 6 minutes in the mile run, only to do it… second fastest time that year… and have it not matter at all. it didn’t change one thing. i still rode the bench. i was told it was for all kinds of reasons, reasons that don’t deserve to be hashed out here, but the truth is the hard work wasn’t changing his mind. it never did. and it was probably never going to.

“i’m not good enough” rattled around in my head an awful lot as a soccer player. sometimes it still does. maybe i really did suck and i just never really knew it. maybe putting me in a game was such a liability that i was better served cheering off to the side. despite all my “try hard,” i just couldn’t quite hack it. but i just thought of something while i was on this run / walk thing i just did. because it’s been so long since i last ran… there was quite a bit of walking involved.

all this time spent working my face off, trying to gain rank, and making sure other people “see me running” is probably pretty annoying to people that sometimes have a hard time walking. and all the time i spend judging myself for walking, there are people wishing they could just get one foot in front of the other, but for some reason, can’t seem to get their legs moving.

maybe it matters more that you’re moving. not the speed at which you’re traveling. maybe it’s ok for today that two of my neighborhood laps were jogs and one was a walk with a guilt-inspired trot up the hill at the end. (some habits really do die hard, folks…)

i just couldn’t deny this thought i was having in my inner dialogue – the harder you work, or the more “perfect” it looks… is it all really gaining what you think it’s gonna gain? and is there maybe some truth to the thought that an onlooker trying to get inspired to move is actually uninspired by the grind… uninspired by the perfectionism. i’m over here trying to “be the best” and really someone is just trying to “be.” they can’t even think about trying to be the best and they’re overwhelmed entirely by the concept… maybe to the point of doing nothing at all.

so yeah, i walked a bit on my run today. and oh my gosh, i let some other random neighbors see me do it (who probably did not even notice, much less care). and the thought crossed my mind, “they’re gonna think i’m a quitter. they’re gonna think i’m weak because i didn’t run this whole time,” but really i just need to put that down because it’s not mine to carry. i’m not sure exactly where it started, but if it was college soccer, that was 13 years ago and i think 13 years is long enough to carry around an extremely unhelpful way of thinking.

truth is i’ve been trying to matter my whole life. my performance has been driven by affirmations. i was waiting for someone to tell me i was doing things well enough, but no matter whether the affirmations come or not, i’m never satisfied. because my head’s in the wrong place. it doesn’t matter whether or not someone tells me my job is done well. it didn’t matter if my coach thought my performance was “good enough” and it doesn’t matter if my neighbors think i’m “running fast enough.” it doesn’t matter if social media thinks my content is good, funny, or entertaining enough. it’s just a mental game we all get sucked into playing that doesn’t deserve our energy in the first place. because when it’s all said and done… and we’re waiting in like to get in to Heaven… i HIGHLY doubt God is going to let us in based on our Instagram following, virality, or content, or whether or not i rode the bench on my college soccer team, or whether or not i ran all of the laps and steps in my out-of-nowhere urge to run this afternoon.

it is good to want to be better. it is good to be a diligent and hard worker, and i learned some dang good lessons from being an athlete. i’ll never argue with any of that. but if the effort i’m putting forth is coming with the expectation that someone else is gonna tell me when i’ve “made it,” i oughtta saddle up, because i might be waiting a while. it may never happen. and even if the “atta girl” does come, they’ve never filled me up for long in the past because “they” aren’t any more in charge than i am. we’re all living our lives, trying to make the most of our days, and while wanting to live for others or serve others can definitely be life-giving, living for their approval is not. it’s been very life-sucking in my years of experience. it’s almost a resume line item at this point – SKILLS: well-versed in the area of searching high and low for the approval of others. note: not skilled in finding it; the search is ongoing.

we gotta quit this. we gotta give it up. we need to find a way to stop trying to gain something through the approval of others. it’s really not up to them. i hate that when i was working a “real job,” i was absolutely drowning in these thoughts. always searching for affirmations, always wondering whether or not i was good enough, doing well enough, ever going to climb the ladder, ever going to advance. i hate that it’s so common in our society and the workplace to feel this way. i hate that our fate so often lies in someone else’s hands, because it definitely created some negative thought patterns in me – ones i was especially susceptible to after being the kid who thought her good behavior would somehow, someday get her mother sober. It Never Did. She Kept Drinking. it was never about me – it was about her and her inability to put the bottle down. my worth was never designed to come from her, a boss, or a coach, but i’m afraid that too often we get caught up in thinking it does. heck, i’m clearly still caught up in it today to some degree.

the difference today is i KNOW where my worth ACTUALLY comes from and it’s my responsibility to take time to re-center myself and remember. it’s my job to stop the negative thought pattern, understand the difference between worldly views and truth, and make a better choice. it’s not the walking, the running, or the speed of travel that actually matters. it’s not the opinions of others that are gonna get me into Heaven. hard work is one thing, exhaustion from seeking approval is another.

and now, in true “i swear, i’m only writing this to help somebody, i swear i’m not seeking approval,” fashion – did you get anything from this one??

♥, SF

what does it matter

I’ve been wrestling with this question a lot lately. What does any of it matter?

The world tells us that WE matter, ourselves, taking care of A Number One, me, me, me, me, me, and it’s exhausting. More stuff. More this. More that. More money. Gotta do this, gotta be that, gotta have this thing if you want to be considered part of the “in” crowd. It kind of feels like some crap i used to deal with back in high school. And there’s really no difference then to now, because i didn’t fit in then either.

I was part of the “quality over quantity” friend group aka furthest thing from “popular” that exists – there were maybe 5-10 of us. And we were all in choir. or band. Mega Nerd Alert. And i couldn’t get myself to fit in if i tried – i was into plaid pants, some with chains, some without, red and black everything, fishnet shirts, studded belts, studded bracelets, hats with flames on them… good old fashioned punk goth chick. Lord help me if i ever try and replicate any of that now – sure, my main wardrobe color is black, but i can do without all the metal accessories and flames.

Now that i’m older, i think deep down i still want to believe in quality over quantity, but i just feel like that’s so counter cultural. Everything is more. I’ll be happy when… when i get this, when i make that, when my bank account looks such, when i’m driving X car. And it honestly makes me feel like i missed the boat somewhere. Or that i’m dumb for not being able to figure it out by now. Where did i go wrong? I’m not ungrateful for what i have, i understand that there are people far less fortunate than me, but there are also people that would almost consider it a failure to not be a millionaire by age 30, driving the car of your dreams, living in some seriously fancy digs in a choice neighborhood. Things i desire? Maybe. Things i have? Not quite.

Truthfully, i’ve been gainfully unemployable for well over ten years. I started a photography and videography company back in Michigan way back when after getting out of what i thought was my dream job in college sports followed by my other dream job in graphic design – neither one of them being my dream job, clearly. So i decided to be my own boss. I don’t really think it was ever the work that i was doing that was the problem. It was the people. And it’s not that i don’t play well with others… it’s that i don’t play well with others’ stupid rules. Admit it… Half the rules in corporate America are just dumb. There’s only “one way to do things,” and that was a really hard concept for my plaid-patterned, rebellious soul to grasp.

I still don’t grasp it. I don’t understand the “one way to” anything. Sometimes it makes my path for how things work or the purpose of my life a little more fuzzy because i can’t seem to base my journey on anyone else’s track record, but alas here i am. With an unbelievable pattern of going against the grain and no promise of that changing anytime soon.

More than anything, my brain keeps wrestling with the question: what’s it all for? What’s the purpose of chasing numbers, views, followers, money, influence – what do i gain out of all these “friends,” most of whom i’ll likely never meet…? And the speed at which i’m expected to get there… maybe some of that is self-imposed, because the comparison that results from these things is sometimes too much to even quantify… but if i had it my way some days, i’d have all the deepest desires of my heart to my exact specifications, and i’d have them tomorrow. Scratch that. Yesterday. Because society told me that when i get them, i’ll be happy. Or happier. I’m not sure exactly which.

On second thought… i’m actually pretty sure that none of that works out the way “they” tell us at all, and i can be just about as equally certain that it’s mostly the exact opposite. Sometimes i think “they” could a dash of wisdom.

All the time that i’ve spent chasing bigger, more, better… hasn’t actually yielded proportional happiness in any regard. There’s no real lasting joy at the end of that tunnel. It’s cool for a minute… but then you just want to do it again. But bigger. Which… don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to have desires and goals in life, but it’s also good to humble yourself every once in a while and ask yourself what’s actually going to last in this world…? What’s the purpose… if and when i got all those things i’m dreaming of, will i truly be happier? Will i be more fulfilled? Or, my favorite question of them all, which was prompted recently during my reading of To Hell With The Hustle by Jefferson Bethke (highly recommend, by the way…), “who am i becoming in the process?”

When we die, there’s a chance that someone will remember us for a generation or two, but then poof. You’re gone. Your name fades. It’s all gone. And nothing that you earned, nothing you have, none of that means a thing to anyone else once you’re gone. You can store up all of the possessions in the world, earn all the trophies, all the gold records, all the bling, everything you ever hoped for… and maybe your kids will fight over it when you go, but really, it’s all just “stuff” and a lot of it ends up in the dump. (i know that sounds harsh, but unfortunately i’m speaking from experience…) and the only thing that actually matters is who you became along the way.

When i’ve got more success on my mind, why do i want it? For my own glory? What’s the point in that? When i’m desiring more money, why is that a thing? So i can grow my bank account? Buy myself another pair of Doc Martens? Would that really make me cooler? Happier? More joyful? No. Quite likely not. May any of the growth i want or desire have a lot more to do with making the world i live in a better place than advancing my own personal kingdom. I like nice things just as much as the next girl, but all that shiny stuff fades, the excitement of your latest achievement dies, and we’re left with the relationships we created and how we treated others. What the heck would a killer music career or thriving business do for me if i had no one to share it with?

To this i say: Quality (of faith, relationships, and life) over quantity (of money and status and stuff).

It’s hard for me to want to spend precious time on this planet trying to prove my worth through earnings and things. By showing how much better i am than other people at anything. I just want to be a positive life force on this planet that proves that your circumstances don’t dictate your joy. Your faith does. Your soul does. Your ability to humble yourself, not take stuff so seriously, and look on the bright side every once in a while does. That hurrying up to get ahead may not be all that it’s cracked up to be. That there’s a lot more value and joy in spending time with people you love instead of shooing them away, lost somewhere in chasing social media trends and buying a bunch of unnecessary crap on Amazon.

Do i feel pressured to do so? Every single day. It is maddening. It is haunting. It is one of the hardest things for me in my current season because i don’t want to want it. I don’t want to look in the lane next to me, see someone achieving things that i’d also love for myself, and wish my life was different. I don’t want to wish i was further along. I don’t want to wish for more money, more influence, more business, more listeners, more view on my latest reel, more anything…. All so i can take pictures of it and have a better looking feed or highlight reel. But i sometimes do. Too often. Because i’m a human. And i do a lot of super annoying, dumb human-y things.

All i’m saying… is it’s ok to not want what “they” want or have. Who are “they,” anyway? Are “they” happier? Are “they” healthier? How’s their faith? How’s their family life? And if you’ve only seen it on Instagram, i bet objects in mirror aren’t quite what they appear. Give yourself a break, friend. And i’m speaking to myself here, too. Give yourself some dang grace. Write it in your journal. Say a prayer. And find some gratitude. Things are happening “for” you, not “to” you, and above all, it’s our responsibility to monitor our character and the person we are becoming in the process.

♥, SF

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