
arguing with yourself
i do it. we all do it. i’m just trying to get better at it. and if you’re anything like me, the arguments often involve questions or frustrations about where anything is leading, why i feel stuck, what if this doesn’t work, i’m wasting so much time with this, what is the point, etc.
if it’s just me feel free to quit reading and email me your ways because you’re clearly got this more figured out than i do. for the rest of us, let’s continue.
what i’ve learned is that feeling stuck is just that. a feeling. staying stuck is a choice. there’s always an option. there’s always another door. there’s always an option you didn’t consider because you were too busy elbows deep in your “stuck-ness” to realize what was right there in front of you. i’m not going to say “the whole time,” because hopefully we’re not that oblivious. but… some time, anyway.
being skeptical or afraid or worrisome isn’t something i think any of us are ever truly going to escape, but we do get to control our response. fight, flight, or freeze… i don’t feel like freeze is ever really the option here… so we gotta figure out how to listen better and take the action.
but what if it doesn’t work? what if it’s not right? what if it’s a big waste of time? what about Thomas Edison – were all of his failures wastes of time? i would argue not… i would say that all that failing led to a pretty cool outcome. we still use that thing today he failed so hard at. dare we adjust our thinking toward more of a “what if this is the thing that works?” mentality. i mean, would it really be so bad to bet on ourselves and expect something to work out, EVEN IF the gamble at hand is nothing more than a lesson. i think we also would do well to adjust our definition of failure. because there’s a quote somewhere that assures Edison did not indeed fail – he just learned a bazillion ways to NOT make a light bulb. maybe you have tried before. maybe it did feel like an epic failure. i didn’t quit trying to learn how to ride a bike when i fell on my face or crashed into a fence because my mom thought it was a good idea to teach me to ride on a downhill slope headed straight toward the neighbor’s yard…. didn’t tickle, but i didn’t quit.
can we just try, one time, for one minute, to give up this hero mentality that we have to get it 100% right the very first try and we have to know all the things to get us there without asking for help because asking for help means we’re stupid and not being able to know how to do stuff also means we’re stupid… i mean i feel ridiculous even typing this. it’s the dumbest thing ever. yet i’ve felt it and argued with myself over it multiple times in the past. maybe the point is growth in the process, gaining knowledge and understanding the entire time. maybe we’re meant to learn a half a boat load of ways to NOT do something, before we’re gifted with the knowledge of how to succeed. i’ve come to find out in my limited time on this planet that you don’t get any closer to winning by refusing to try for fear of losing. every soccer game i ever played, i stood the chance of losing. sometimes i did. miserably in some games. but at the end of the game, all of could sit there and identify things that we could do better the next time to that we didn’t drink the same poison twice.
if you’re arguing with yourself about doing something — you just don’t wanna do it — maybe part of that “i don’t wanna” is because you’re afraid of losing or failing… and what would people say about you if you failed? guess what… if they had anything to say at all, it shouldn’t be anything short of applause and encouragement, because at least you got the bravery to try. chances are they didn’t. the people who are “out there doing things” are too busy fighting for their own success to judge you. the people judging you are too busy “not out there doing things” to try. they’re giving in to those age old dear-based arguments of “i don’t have time” or “i don’t have money…” look, in a lot of cases, those are the exact problems we’re trying to solve. and nothing is going to change if you refuse to change a thing.
usually, the conclusion of these arguments with myself end with some form of the realization that doing nothing is a good way to stay in the very circumstance you’re trying to escape. see also: sitting on your hands, wasting time, not stewarding gifts, not using talents, apprehension…. it’s all keeping you in the same seat, year after year. same scenery. same outcomes. because we’re too easy to let fear take the wheel and “get us to safety.” but there’s not growth in safety. there’s no resilience or furthering or leveling up…. none of that exists in complacency and fear.
so i think it’s time for us to stop arguing with ourselves and get a little mud on our sleeves. roll those babies up and get to work. try something. try anything. if it fails, try something else. the true waste of time is the idleness you’re allowing yourself to sit in, waiting for the “perfect time” or to be “ready” to start. perfect and ready aren’t coming. they’re cousins of fear and they all hang out together, colluding to keep you “safe” — also known as stuck.
love you!
xo, Sarah