whether they agree or not
i’d say it’s about once a week that someone mentions something related to me “quitting” music… they ask me why, they ask about my business, why i’m doing that instead of music, mention how sad it is that i’m not performing music anymore, etc. etc. trust me. i feel it, too. i grieve it, too. ((shameless plug, did you know that i am actually still creating music…? i put a brand new song out in November called “saved by the blood – go check it out if you haven’t!)) ((i’ve decided the new direction / genre is called “swamp gospel” — i hope you can dig it!!))
and i guess i don’t really ever feel the need to explain, however, i do wonder if maybe there’s a chance to relate to you through this path i’ve been taking.
i don’t know if you’ve ever been doing something, only to find that maybe it wasn’t what it seemed like it was going to be on the surface when you started. or maybe you started going in a direction, it was good for a while, even great sometimes, but then something inside you just started tugging you another way. things change. if you’re from a place where seasons exist, you know that seasons change… and sometimes things need to be let go that you otherwise in a hundred years wouldn’t have dreamed of letting go of.
there’s also this crazy, silly analogy my husband uses about penguins. you have penguins and you have an island. you have an island full of penguins. at a certain point, the laws of math and geometry are going to kick in and there’s truly only room for so many penguins on said island. the others are left to either jump off willingly and go to their own island, or fall off… either way, all the penguins aren’t staying on that island. it’s just not possible.
for me, in this stage of life, i’ve only got room for so many penguins on my island. and maybe you’re in a season right now too where the stress level is really high, and what you really need is a long sit in a quiet room to ask yourself if all these penguins on this island really belong here… do they? do they all need to stay? or would you feel better, lighter, more purposeful if you let go of some of the penguins?
if possible, try to temporarily let go of all the feelings of failure and inadequacy you might experience in the “rehoming” of these penguins… maybe some are going to need to be permanently rehomed, while others are temporary! you don’t have to have it all figured out right this minute, but you do deserve to experience a higher level of peace… especially if you’re causing your own unrest by simply refusing to put something down.
music is a good thing. performing music is a good thing. being a musician is something i am so grateful for, it’s such a great thing. i love writing music, making music, performing music, sharing music… but i love so many other things that have been gifted to me by God’s grace, mercy, and kindness, and i’m on a mission to make sure i’m stewarding my time and my resources well. and we’re not all called in the same direction — that’s something i’ve had to come to terms with, too. it does me no good to compare what others are doing to what i’m being called to — they’re apples to oranges.
here’s another angle of perspective for you — if you’re feeling nudged to give something up that feels really big, and heavy, and weighty, and important… wouldn’t it make sense that whatever you’re being asked to give it up FOR is Bigger, Heavier, Weightier, and More Important? for a while, nothing seemed more important to me than making a career or myself in music… and my eyes opened wider, and something inside shifted… at first i didn’t quite know what to do with it… but as i took steps in fear, it became clearer and clearer. i don’t think i have the full spectrum of the picture, even still, but i do know that i’m in the right place, doing the right things.
i’ve got the same goals as before — love people, make things for people, help people… whether it’s through a song, a blog, a social media post, or a bottle of shampoo, i’m still doing it. and i’m so grateful to do so. i’m equally if not more grateful for the family i get to be a part of while i’m doing all of those things. nothing matters more to me on this earth than God, my husband, and my kids… and if there’s some version of necessary shift in me that’s required in the name of any of those three avenues, the benefits far outweigh the costs.
whatever situation you find yourself in, whatever compromise you’re feeling like you have to make… you’re going to make the right choice. you’re going to make the hard choice. and you’re going to realize that you made exactly the right choice. choices like this aren’t meant to be easy – if it was easy, there’d be no growth opportunity tied to it. things that are hard are the things that are calling you higher. i’d encourage you to lean into that.
and hey. i’m super serious about sitting alone for a long time in a quiet room. that step is not optional.
i celebrate the difficult decisions you’re making — there’s joy and freedom on the other side.
♥, SF